I had my meltdown yesterday. I cancelled my evening appointments and took off my supergirl outfit.
Though I was not physically tired, I knew I had come to the end of my rope. I was feeling stretched and keeping my composure was becoming difficult. I needed to sit with myself and not be needed by anyone... and not be useful or helpful to anyone.
My problem is that I don't know when I'm tired. As long as I can think, I'll push myself. I'll finally collapse when I can't read or write or think of another word. Normally I would have more free time and so I would take a slower pace... stick in a boardgame, take a hike, enjoy a leisure read in bed... practice more piano.
So, I thought I would be better at looking after myself... but I've dashed that pursuit for today... over a cup of tea... the caffeine... my 7pm student's mom made a cup of tea for me... it was great but wow... I'm still sitting with it. I had a good day... though I stared at Final Draft feeling like an absolutely lost monkey. Tomorrow... I'll find a way to make it a better day.
My day begins at 7:30am... in 4 hours. I'd like to hope for a nap after my class before I go teaching and off to dance rehearsal... My day ends at 10pm.
I feel useless right now and my focus is higgly piggly. Now, I am only beginning to feel the tea wear out.... I'm going to have to be more careful about drinking any caffeine or having any sweets.
I'm so sorry to hear that you had to take off your supergirl suit. Remember, every super girl needs time to restore her powers. Living in L A is like living in Kryptonite Kingdom.
ReplyDeleteI always find the need to take off my supergirl suit after volunteering with families who are desperately in need of help, but I just can't make a difference as one single volunteer. I worked with a family yesterday who had a child with Down's syndrome and a child with a spastic colon. The father worked as a janitor and the mother worked a a housekeeper for a small motel. It's so hard to see them struggle.
Well, keep up the good fight.