Spying through flower, fauna and tree.
Found the door to the lost kingdom
And opened it with a stolen key.
Won by the fire of eloquent airs
It acquired its precious prize.
A shower of flattery and inflated cares
Disguised elaborate and crafty lies.
The key to paradise relinquished
A vulnerable garden came under new rule.
Carefree days of yesterday banished
But hope is promised through a jewel.
The earth grows through the tears of a maiden
And the toil of her beloved and the death of a son.
Eden will be reclaimed and the dragon will be laden
With its postponed sentence, the spell undone.
No flattery nor crafty story
Will keep the key to paradise forever hidden
The garden was created for love and glory
To choose abundance over what is forbidden
Copyright ©2005 J. R. Hollyday
hey hon.
ReplyDeleteand your anthology comes out when?
When I read the first two stanzas, the image of Eden was already evoked, just that the snake had now become the dragon.
ReplyDeleteAll in all, very nice. But not your best :P
It wasn't until after the Fall that the "serpent" was cursed to a life on its belly to be at the feet of man. I speculate here the possibility that the serpent was a lovely and intelligent creature.
ReplyDeleteWell written, creative and wonderful imagery.
ReplyDeleteTells an ageless story with different images and characters. I enjoyed reading this very much.
I do believe you are speaking of the Garden of Eden and that crafty serpent, whom God made to crawl on its stomach forever. Very well done, using this theme. It seems a little off in rhythm but very good rhyme wise. I like your expressiveness and I see "the jewel" as being Jesus. That is if you are following the Eden theme. No matter, it's a very well done piece of art! Great work! :)
ReplyDeleteBeautifully crafted! I love the way you bring drama to an age-old story. Emotionally intense and well written.
ReplyDeleteYou have such a beautiful voice. You grabbed me from the first line.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a wonderfull write, very creative and bursting with imagery, the exellent flow made it a joy to read.Well done...carl
ReplyDeleteImpeccable poem structure wise your five stanzas are solid and rhyming is very dependable.
ReplyDeleteAs I was reading, I felt that THE dragon was attached to someone you know...perhaps, using the indefinite article A dragon, would make the story more universal? Good Job!
Gabrielle Turgeon