Catching Up With Myself

I began the day waking up from a nightmare. I very rarely have them. I am disturbed by how much of it I still remember. I "witnessed" something horrible, a fatal accident that had been caused by the insolence of a person's indulgent whim for attention.

I clearly saw "her face" and it wasn't a face that I wanted to dream about. I went to bed thinking about good things and this girl was the last person in the world that I wanted to think about. But there she was... being the conduit of confusion and chaos; demanding yet oblivious that the world did not center on her fancies. And I watched in my dream, someone run to her call with intention of friendship and aid... and he tripped to his death... a clumsy, bumpy, horrific, and accidental death.

I woke up quite shaken and have been on the edge over every phone call. Has Halloween gotten me spooked? Is someone really about to die? Maybe I'm just feeling overwhelmed by the amount of commitments I have and the dream world is telling me to slow down.

And oddly enough, that face of chaos, mysteriously reappeared in my life after no contact since the spring. She decided to call on me today and leave a message of hello.... And now I am a little more anxious as I keep a more vigilant eye on life and say extra prayers for blessings and protection.

Did I will her into my life or did I see her coming? Do I associate stress and burdens with her?

I don't know.

All I know is that my plate is full...

A mother has requested that her son work on a concerto for his bar mitvah. The music doesn't exist for his level and so I am arranging it for him. She prefers that he plays music the level that I'm practicing for MY study and that I teach it to him by rote... and all I can think is... ????????? I had to get through some other literature before I could touch the stuff I'm playing now.

My schedule is booked from 7am to 8pm... some commitments have me til 11pm. I try to collect myself in the few hours between to read and write. I feel excited, exhausted, exhilarated and enthusiastic. I am finding and needing time to socialize in order to keep the balance right but I experience a little anxiety because that requires TIME... But, I realize that if I don't plan such times, I truly will find myself out of balance faster. Living.. LIVING is what lends to the dynamics of my life and creativity. And so I have to schedule spending time with friends and continue my little rituals that make my life sane.

I don't have time for nightmares.

Maybe it's the dragon trying to trip me up. Sorry dragon, I am not playing.

I have my bible study homework to complete for tomorrow morning's class.

I'm spending lunch time with P for his birthday.

A and I need to get some stuff to prepare for our Halloween party this Friday night.

I have a script to write and I have research to do in preparation for a Saturday meeting out of town.

I have students to teach in the afternoon.

And I go straight to dance rehearsal and will be there until 10pm...

After that I will go home to read and write some more... maybe squish in a little bit of piano.

And then I have a 7am commitment Friday morning..... and I'll need to leave my home by 6:30am at the very latest. I have a commitment at 1pm back home. I'll teach a couple of students as they get out of school... after which I'll dash home and get dressed up and prepare to host a Halloween party.

And then I have a Saturday commitment out of town... I return the same day in the evening. Hopefully, I'll be able to fit in some time to practice, tidy my room, pay bills. I have rehearsal a good bulk of time on Sunday... but will finally be able to maybe sit still afterwards.

I hope to fit some time to blog... it's my way to catch up with myself... to write and then read my life..

and reflect....so that's what I'm up to these days....

And I do all this without the aid of coffee.

JNET