Sunday, September 18, 2005

One Thought At A Time

I am enjoying dance rehearsal. I actually forgot for a moment that I was dancing with a basket balancing on my head at one point during "Ragragsakan." That was a freeing thought.. I had a chant to sing, a bouncy girlie walk to be cheerful with, a blanket wrapped around me which I unwrap to wave and dance with... all while balancing a basket on my head.. and thinking happy thoughts to get my mind off the basket on my head...

In a couple of dances, I'll be wearing elaborate dresses, with lots of petticoats. I tried one of them on today and I felt like royalty. I have to dance with this dress on? I have how long to get into this dress? With jewelry too? I'll next have to time how long I'll need to get between costumes and figure out where I'll need to reenter the stage.

The concert is November 12. It's going to be an absolutely gorgeous show. The vision of the leaders is inspiring and exciting.

I began BSF this past week. We're studying the book which is also known as "The Beginnings of the World" also known as Genesis. It's so fascinating how time gets tied together seamlessly through generations of writings and be loaded with philosophical brain candy.

My goal is to be really great in all that I do... and relaxed..

Like forgetting about the basket on my head and actually execute the dance well.. So I will get over measuring the amount of reading and homework and just learn and write well what insights I gain and share them..

If I'm to have any thoughts, might as well have wonderful ones that can open a world for me that is fun. The yucky thoughts don't do me well.

I get the most self-defeating thoughts when I think of my mathematician.

Love equals the end of life as I know it.
The unknown is scary.
How about love later and not now?
He can't possibly be interested in me.. Why?
I don't know what I'm doing and he knows it.

But I get over it as quickly as possible. I want to trust him. So I trust him instead of choosing to think less of him by making up horrible dramas that only hijack my emotions. I choose to encourage and contribute instead of being stingy and withholding.

Living life, keeping it real, one moment to the next...

Life is a full-on experience... and not a spectator sport.. It's not easy to keep the basket balanced, it's not easy to complete homework, it's not easy leaving the indulgence of solitude to make room for friendships, new commitments, family, love and romance... but I'm finding it becomes "easy" from being open to the possibilties of greatness by making a stand...

Some pretty neat habits begin to take on a life of their own.

JNET

1 comment:

  1. Dancing with meaning takes place when you can get the art form down and have others appreciate what effort you put forth. I think of growth and determination when I see you move. I can't wait to see you come show time.

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