love is a compass

The world laments hardship. It would be easy to indulge into it with a mere click and resign into its normalcy.

Certain days may happen and feel like demanding brats. But what kind of negativity slayer would I be to allow such days to spoil my world?

This year is a total turnaround from last. From a space of silence, noise that hid within the complex harmony of life exposed itself. Good friends sat with my silence and gave me stories of strength and visions of hope when I couldn’t write. I decided to study flamenco dance so that my love for art and expression can have a voice, rhythm and structure.

How to save a life? Therapy? I chose art. Reading music gave me blurring headaches, I was too broken for words and all color and design lost its click appeal. Dance was it; specifically flamenco. I immersed myself, learning new counts, words, how to hold my arms. I learned choreography to bulerias, tangos, sevillanas, guajiras, fandangos, siguiriyas. Dance pieced me back together along with a handful of dear people.

This year I began playing the piano again and the blurring headache is at bay. I’m studying flamenco at least 5 hours a week. I’m having friends over and feel like making new ones. I’ve returned to my Filipino dance group and we’re rehearsing at least 8 hours a week preparing to perform at the Getty in a couple of weeks….the Skirball and Hollywood Bowl later this summer. My truest friends shined during my darkest year and helped a silent artist find its way.

This negativity slayer learned that no battle is won alone. The sequoia tree does not stand alone. Below the ground level is a constellation of intertwining roots. And due to my roots, I was able to heal in silence, find music again through dance, feel comfortable to perform and find the words to say hello rugged angels. It is possible to love your life and live a life worth living even after the darkest and silent time.

JNET

jnetsworld's silent seventh celerates the sound of commitment

Jnetsworld turned seven this month and I could have quietly ignored the fact.

I’ve hung up my proverbial pen for most of the year. The negativity slayer has been on the mend broken from having placed trust in unworthy generals who placed me in the path of harm.

Fortunately, I had not sacrificed all my power; a restructuring of my world kicked in and I mended in a silence that was protected by the love of good people. Why write now? Because now the silence is hurting me. As much as I adore silence, I also love it when sound is well put together. The goal of my silence was to separate myself from the noise of life; from people who had me distracted by their pitches and scripts, from those who had sugary words on the ready from packets of artifical sweeetners.

Noise silenced… mission accomplished. Unfortunately, I’m also at a place where it physically hurts to deal with sound. Not good for a music teacher. I practice though despite unsettling headaches. Music was blurry for a while. My students and their families have been angels. I think they practice even more diligently and are even more present during our lesson time.

Perhaps I am hearing the sound of commitment within the silence.

Its a gorgeous sound, Commitment, a silent voice that steadily proclaims “Here I am.” Its not intermittent or broken when you hear its voice. When you hear it, there is no room for doubt and it builds like a skilled engineer putting value on strength and beauty.

Jnetsworld turned seven this month and I had to wonder if I have given up on writing about the art of creating a life worth living. I can continue to feel like the poster child for the Bad Things Happen To Good People campaign or play through the pain and build again jnetsworld. I’m going for the latter.

Jnetsworld silent seventh celebrates the sound of commitment…. Say that seven times

JNET

Random Thoughts of A Hurried Mind

2: 35am. Breakfast @ 8am. I'll be missing D's bikram yoga competition. Darn. My piano students. So little quiet time. Busy. And I still can't be still.

2:38am. Dancing salsa @ Sportsmen Lodge was fun. The day was full of serious and silly. Was it really Halloween? Intense over relationship talks with E. Private thoughts intense over things yet to be said. He loves me ... he loves me... and he loves me too. Life is dancing and I linger over the breaks of silence.

I only think of you... future... I miss you. Everything is perfect no matter what. Take it seriously but not too seriously. The possibilities are endless.

2:45. The adventure. I think of travelling solo and welcome that romance. Sky-diving tandem is fun but jumping alone doesn't fill me with lonliness. I love the excitement of being with myself as I steal into 2:48.

2:48. Breakfast with friends. Maybe I can leave a bit later. I'll still miss D's competition. Darn. so hard to be still.... as I remember that I also have dance rehearsal Sunday.

2:50. Time to force myself to sleep... as I indulge upon my solitude for random thoughts from a hurried mind.

Goodnight... good morning.... good night....

2:52

JNET

Trampled and Doing Alright

Last Friday evening turned my insides out.

E. showed up to my door with a dozen pink roses and a birthday card. He had just flown in from Florida and I was dressed up for an evening out on the toon. After a quick hug, he announced...

E: "I just got a call. A is in the hospital. She got trampled by her horse."

I put the roses and card aside and grabbed my purse and an ill feeling overtook me. I can't take another death, I thought to myself. I'm still recovering from losing B. last winter and helping her mom sort out her apartment and things. Blast that horse, I knew I should've discouraged her from taking it after it had killed its last owner.

JNET: "Let's go."

I didn't say much en route to the hospital. A's condition was a mystery. Her friends that were with her didn't give us much to work with. We drove to Thousand Oaks full of worry.

A. had become the darling of the emergency room. Considering that her horse had lost its footing while racing at top speed and A had fallen off, had her neck grazed by the horse's hooves, had her ear ripped a bit and was "tip-toed" upon her chest, back and leg; she was swollen, bruised, cut up and in good spirits.

A: "Why is it that when you are looking your worst, half a dozen hot guys are right there! You should've seen these guys. They were beautiful!"

I knew my friend was going to be okay. She was cracking jokes to set everyone at ease and she looked unrecognizable. But she was alive and in good spirits. She was a miracle and she knew it. We tried our best to not cry. It was E. our tough guy who broke down and misted up as he took her hand while I helped pick the grass off her hair. She had brought back some of the meadow where she landed. Still too raw and sore from her accident, her head was the only part of her that I could look after without hurting her.

I stayed with her til nearly 2am. She didn't have a smooth transition to her room. Glue-ing her ear on took all the color from her. Her swelling had subsided but she was pale and feeling feverish. E. stayed behind to spend his first evening in Los Angeles with A. so that she wouldn't wake up alone and to make sure that she was taken care of well.

I had to get some sleep. I had a class early in the morning and then was scheduled to work from the afternoon through the evening for a photo shoot. Updates were sent via text through out the day.

I headed back into Los Angeles past midnight Saturday and went straight to A. to check on her condition...

To date...

A. is in stellar condition. You wouldn't have known that she was in the hospital just last week. The scratches especially the huge scrape on her cheek is GONE. I speculated to her that she might have superhero powers. She will be baking a cake or brownies for her paramedics.

JNET: "Save the cheerleader!"

As for the horse, he is in good condition as well as was quite shaken up by the experience of losing his rider. He was miserable. And when, A said that her horse "tip-toed" over her, I believe it. It must have taken all he had to not crush her but everything happened so quickly and he ran back to the stables alone and sat with uncertainty until A came to the stables before she was taken home to rest.

A will be fine. Miracles happen. A good friends make the scary moments easy.

JNET: "A. you're no longer just a stunt girl. Girl, you are a warrior."

E. "Yeah, don't you know that scars are sexy?!"

Despite the inperfections of Life, Life is still perfect.

JNET

Turning Three

Jnetsworld is a toddler and is definitely getting into new things, exploring the world of possibilities. Thanks to many encouraging words from readers, the love and support has expanded me to stretch beyond writing. I am now practicing my public speaking at Romancing LA.

***********************************
FATHER WOLF: "Jnet shares of her self and we are the richer for it."

GABRIEL2178: "Another fantastic example of a stumbler with a point of view who knows how to get it across. Fantastic photos and a real insite into a fantastic mind. A must for people looking for real people on the internet."

EVOLUTION RULES: "JNET has a golden heart and writes a lovely, personal journal."

SYNCOPATE: "I feel uncomfortable reading Jnet's pages sometimes. I feel like a voyeur. She tells us of her experiences with life in an intimate manner. She sheds layers of consciousness as one might shed one's clothes. Her desire: to transcend while staying well grounded(?) I could be wrong about that, though. I don't know. She invites you into her world literally (with a direct invitation) and metaphorically (through her photos, drawings, and prose). We learn that she plays Chopin. I wonder if she plays Liszt's "transcendental" etudes... If you are willing to challenge your "self," visit her page."

OLE-TIMER: "Intellectual while loving the beautiful. Piercingly, enticing with her open mind, but concealing herself very successfully from the lackadaisical."

DROIDYDOO: "This blog will fire your neurons and drop your jaw :)"

**************************

Jnetsworld was borne to express the possibility of UNSTOPPABLE love, courage, full self expression and transformation. This is where I journal how Life is beautiful especially when it gets messy and chaotic. This is where I practice and strategize being a negativity slayer and this is where I find fellow lemonade makers and rugged angels about the world.

"The Future Begins Here" philosophy we share celebrates owning happiness despite circumstance. Life is a work of art. The first year I blogged and wrote poetry and kept my words to myself. The second year I found a community of friends at stumbleupon. And on this third year, I am exploring my voice with a weekly podcast.

Thanks for celebrating three years of blogging. This toddling blog appreciates the world of encouragements. My beautiful world gets more gorgeous meeting kin spirits miles away.

Jnetsworld is an "ode to joy". Thanks for being part of my music.

JNET

Growing JNETSWORLD - 2 Years Old :)

JNETSWORLD officially turned 2 years old last week:)

What started out from a whim after googling for the definition of BLOG has grown into a journey of heart and soul, writing down thoughts of a solitary soul and finding kin-spirits along the way.

I wrote in secret for a year before telling anyone. And then I put the blog feed through my Friendster, later Tribe... Sometimes I copy a blog entry onto Myspace. And now JNETSWORLD has expanded onto Stumbleupon.

I guess I'm getting UNSHY :)

And I've gained so many friends and have been encouraged by their comments. I wanted to just share a few of my favorite reviews from my stumble community:)

**************************************

From APRILMUSE:

Jnetsworld is indeed a special place. I love my visits here because I so enjoy reading this woman's honest and intelligent commentary.

From GRYWLFMGRNS:

Jnet's blog is a wonderful reflection of the beauty within...great blog!

From SYNCOPATE:

I feel uncomfortable reading Jnet's pages sometimes. I feel like a voyeur. She tells us of her experiences with life in an intimate manner. She sheds layers of consciousness as one might shed one's clothes. Her desire: to transcend while staying well grounded(?) I could be wrong about that, though. I don't know. She invites you into her world literally (with a direct invitation) and metaphorically (through her photos, drawings, and prose). We learn that she plays Chopin. I wonder if she plays Liszt's "transcendental" etudes... If you are willing to challenge your "self," visit her page.

From GABRIEL2178:

Another fantastic example of a stumbler with a point of view who knows how to get it across. Fantastic photos and a real insight into a fantastic mind. A must for people looking for real people on the internet and in this stumble world.

From FRENCHTWIST:

Sweet and tangy glimpses into a lovely and intelligent mind.

From DORIANROLF:

Wonderful to find someone so willing to share their insight and originality. Truly intriguing and beautiful pages. Thank you, jnet.

From NAN:

What a delight it was to stop by the pages of jnetsworld!
She has shared some truly wonderful images, some truly marvelous quotes and poems, and to top that all off, she shares with us her thoughts, her rants, and her life. Truly this is a person who when you meet, you just know, would be a friend for life, and an enjoyable one at that.

From NEEON:

crystalline commentary. like breathing mountain aire.

From POWDERMILKMAN:

This blog swims, screams, dances and prods. Sometimes all at the same time. Fun, interesting, lovely and provocative stuff herein. Links to great art sites, NPPA.org and Powdermilkman's colleague David Putney.
I raise my glass of powdermilk in a toast... Cheers!

From YOLA:

I'm thrilled to be a mutual friend of one so brilliantly expressive. As JNET discovers whats important and blogs about it, a glorious fusion of purity, tranquility and integrity shines forth from her most worthy page: the importance of shunning all shallowness in relationships, the things of beauty that cause her to experience bliss, the indispensable time for solitude, in her existence. This stumbler's site is a journal. A "Note To Self", that she's so graciously shares. Call it "Wisdom Nuggets To Go", if you will. It's JNET's World. We are welcomed to it.

From EONWARD:

here is a fully engaged person doing everything she can to live life deeply, fully, truly, and on the cutting edge- of awareness. although she is sensitive she refuses to give in to despair, and seeks her own connection to god in a culture that often seems to offer only the alternatives of religious fundamentalism, secular nihilism, or watered-down new age cliches. she, wisely, is finding and tending to her personal boundaries while exploring and expanding, and is able to notice when she goes far enough off course-side trips are an inevitability, and often beneficial- and navigate back to where she needs to be. i also personally appreciate the fact that she allows music to be a touchstone, and especially appreciate her connection to the kind of music i love. i salute her and would add that, while the type of journey she is taking is often painful, my personal belief is that it is the most rewarding of all journeys, and thank her for sharing some her own personal journey on su.

From BLEEM-FILK:

...lissen, if California ever slides into the Pacific, along with Schwarzenneger... ...as long as this gurl survives, I won't care!!! ...cuz, she's the coolest product there outside of sun-kissed raisins and wine (check it!)

From HROTHGARRR:

I /wish/ she was the girl next door!

From ACECOOL:

This is one interesting and passionate woman

From 9LIVES3DOWN:

What a beautiful person is projected in these pages. Her thoughts combined with the images are the recipe for calm. Her respect for others is humbling.

From SOOPERGRAPE:

Looks, personality, and string theory too! What's not to like? I have updated information from a special agent in L.A.! He was guided by remote control here at SG Central to an intercept with JNET and has submitted the following report: "Thanks for introducing me to the first really cool person I've met since I got to LA!"

*******************************************************

It's still a bit of a strange thrill and I'm very happy that I write in a way that speaks to people. I write to process daily life, choosing the meaning that would help me create and manifest a future that I want. I want to write to capture the beauty of life as well as the beauty of tradegy in a way that the photographers, artists and musicians I admire capture passion within notes, brushstrokes and framed shots.

I write from that place of strength that everyone has inside of them. That little voice that IS on your side that argues with the OTHER voice and is destined by freedom to win. When I feel confused or frustrated, I go to that space and find that creating the habit of healthier and happier thinking makes for a more mindful and peaceful path.

Here's to keeping life real.... without falling into the illusions of fear.

JNET