the fireflies are two months old :)

At two weeks old we were riding a rainbow and my firefly, an adventurous captain initiated a blog of our own to chart the journey. At two months, I’m still riding a rainbow. I’m enjoying our blogging journey charting the hills and plateaus of growing our firefly world.

R: “Jnet, if you are having a bad day or for any reason and want me to come to you, I want you to know that it’s okay to ask.”

Jnet: “When I have a bad day, I usually deal with it myself by being quiet and alone. I don’t tend to share my bad days.”

R: “That’s fine but I’m letting you know that you don’t have to be alone. I’m here for you and that you can ask me to be there for you.”

I feel safe, protected and cherished. This sweetness is something I’ve had fleeting hints of but nothing as sticky, intense and endearing. Two months new yet two months solid (despite my moments of uncertainty wondering if I’m dreaming and will wake up to a pre-firefly world).

We’re official.

We finally opened a window to our private world. Everyone in our dance group is in the know and I finally let my family in the conversation this past weekend. The consensus is of resounding yays.

Firefly meets my family next weekend and it’s the first time that I’m sharing a sweetheart in a long while. My identity as happily single to happily coupled up is a fascinating surprise.

And life did open that way within the space of happy busy-ness, full of family and friends, work and rehearsals; a fascinating surprise when least expected.

The fireflies will be buzzing and celebrating two months tonight and this weekend. Our world grows including friends and family.

Yay :)

JNET

a league of angels

I was within a couple of miles of my exit. I changed lanes. A white business van moved in front of me. Darn elephant I thought to myself and within that window of thought, I caught a glimpse of something wrong.

Two cars in front of the white van lost control. One spun and was heading the wrong way on the shoulder coming towards me, the other was a dust cloud obstructed. The white van slammed their brakes and cars in front moved to make safe distance while a white commuter van behind me skidded to the side to avoid slamming into me. Several cars braked and angled toward the shoulder.

At the standstill, I was safe. White elephant in front and a bigger one behind me with others angled toward the shoulder. The car that was going the wrong direction was finally able to stop… Facing the wrong way on the highway within yards of cars on the shoulder..next to me.

Good God!

My league of angels’ hello comes at an interesting time.

Life had been precarious this past week.

I spent the early part of the year preparing a student to perform at his bar mitzvah party four hours a week. On top of my private piano teaching practice, I studied flamenco dance five hours a week, and had eight hours of knl dance rehearsal in preparation for a big show at the Getty.

Life just recently crescendo’d to relative stillness. I’m restless and haven’t seen my family since last year. (I enjoyed them for a few minutes after the show but couldn’t spend much time with them before they headed back to San Diego).

My car decided it was time to demand love and is not feeling happy (good thing I’m driving like a cautious granny) And many of my students are off on spring break.

So why is this an interesting time for my league of angels to say hello?

Because I’ve been living an insane schedule since the new year and now I’m forced to move slowly and mindfully. (no no no don’t go on you red light you…nice car, nice car)

If I wasn’t teaching or rehearsing I was recovering. I was excited and the adrenaline floated me these past months, but I had a couple of lapses. Twice I needed a matzo ball soup intervention and friends made care packages of vitamins.

And yet, I had time to fall in love. More on that another time.

Bar mitzvah was awesome. Watching my students face light up while he played for several hundred of his guests was wonderful. I love my students and miss them when I don’t see them and appreciated their support and flexibility with my rehearsal and performance schedule. Flamenco studies and performances in happy place. A flash mob event is currently on the horizon. And the Getty. Wow. What an experience of hard work and joy. That’s us in the picture above. Next big show will be in San Diego. Yay. My family and friends will be able to see us.

So you can imagine how restless it is to not be rehearsing as much. Bar mitzvah…done. Teaching schedule …readjusting and not stable yet. Car…a bit scary to drive.

But that car and life told me to slow down and had I not…

Perhaps I would’ve been squished between two white elephants.

During precarious times, this negativity slayer is going slow down, take care and let my league of angels guide. If you saw the position I was in yesterday, you’d agree that they are badasses.

JNET

howdy

Every time he says “howdy” it makes me smile.

Firefly is the most exotic adorable country boy ive ever met.  Charming me with his humor and playfulness and pulling me closer with tenderness and honesty.

Who’s the cute guy with the green bow tie? Mr. Y'all has a silly side.  I noticed him at the dance group’s Christmas party. Made note that he was someone that was having fun with his signature and put the thought away on the shelf. It’s nice to notice a soul having fun in the universe.

A friendship came with the new year, the Chinese new year. How perfect that firefly’s howdy came with the dragon. I adore dragons…something about them…their energy wards away negativity and ushers in new life.

We’re new, just over six weeks old. I’ve never spent as much time with anyone ever before but when I am not near him it’s nice to feel that I miss him… And think of fireflies, dragons, possibilities and missing root beer and fried chicken. I’m enjoying the lessons of lent with him though.

We finally perform this weekend and I’m looking forward to introducing him to my family; mom, brother and nieces plus more friends.  Whew I’m giddy.  It’s a big weekend, family, friends, our first performance together (and at the Getty – one of my favorite places in all of LA)

Heres to a lot of fun and smiles and happy howdies.

JNET

dream futures

Every year to the good humor of my friends, I practice my future. I do things like...announce I'm getting married.....or change my Facebook status to engaged. Sometimes I am engaged to a different person every two weeks during a season.

It was fun and I learned a lot in the play dialogues that followed (my friends are playful).

I'm not sure I'll be playing the same social experiments over the next season. Real life is exciting and playful enough discussing the future with firefly; exploring the horizons to see what hopes we've mapped out respectively.

The play dialogue is fun with a zip of feeling a bit unraveling. I'm in this space of magic where reality and dream mix and it's an unfamiliar playground. Is this what everyone does in boyfriend/girlfriend land? Wow wow wow.... May I have a kiss to calm myself down a bit??? I bounce from thoughts of wanting to go slow-mo and then mentioning if homeschooling is an option.

Jnet: "How long have you and B been dating?"

N: "Three years. He's waiting for me to get over being scared of getting married."

Jnet: "I don't think I want to feel scared that long.

N: "I think it's good that you're having the conversations you're having during the honeymoon period."

Jnet: "I've only known him for five weeks."

N: "You seem very happy and from what I'm hearing, he's also a very kind man and good to you.. Most couples get lost in the initial fun and then a year or so later learn that they are not good together, don't share similar goals or values and fight."

Jnet: "True."

N: "So continue being happy, trust and go with it."

Falling in love feels like snow sledding; thrilling and a little bit dangerous. It's interesting to have space to boldly play. It's interesting to have space to explore, trust and even feel afraid. And I think if everyone had a firefly like mine, I would say the same...

Continue being happy, trust and go with it.

JNET

he who lights a path

I have practiced how to live as an amazing-ascetic-happy-hermit.   Sublimely embracing the solitude life. Being sociable was making sure I was enrolled in a class. Being well-spoken and able to host and entertain, I see as a valuable skill like writing or sewing.  Handy dandy.

But I do not know what to do with a boyfriend.  So far I’ve fascinated my firefly for nearly five weeks and he seems to light a path forward on this unfamiliar terrain of sharing time, conversations, and camping space.

I take screen shots when hes talking to me on Skype or when he’s fussing over his laundry and ironing. And i feel charmed while doing our something’s together as well as our nothing’s.

And just when I think this charmed together space is to disappear and get consumed by real life where work schedules lend space to grow distant where insecurity gets airtime to tell me to bolt and run for it, firefly lights a spot. He says hello and makes a plan.

And a world where I once guarded my yes’s grows.

Growing by firefly light.

JNET

love is a compass

The world laments hardship. It would be easy to indulge into it with a mere click and resign into its normalcy.

Certain days may happen and feel like demanding brats. But what kind of negativity slayer would I be to allow such days to spoil my world?

This year is a total turnaround from last. From a space of silence, noise that hid within the complex harmony of life exposed itself. Good friends sat with my silence and gave me stories of strength and visions of hope when I couldn’t write. I decided to study flamenco dance so that my love for art and expression can have a voice, rhythm and structure.

How to save a life? Therapy? I chose art. Reading music gave me blurring headaches, I was too broken for words and all color and design lost its click appeal. Dance was it; specifically flamenco. I immersed myself, learning new counts, words, how to hold my arms. I learned choreography to bulerias, tangos, sevillanas, guajiras, fandangos, siguiriyas. Dance pieced me back together along with a handful of dear people.

This year I began playing the piano again and the blurring headache is at bay. I’m studying flamenco at least 5 hours a week. I’m having friends over and feel like making new ones. I’ve returned to my Filipino dance group and we’re rehearsing at least 8 hours a week preparing to perform at the Getty in a couple of weeks….the Skirball and Hollywood Bowl later this summer. My truest friends shined during my darkest year and helped a silent artist find its way.

This negativity slayer learned that no battle is won alone. The sequoia tree does not stand alone. Below the ground level is a constellation of intertwining roots. And due to my roots, I was able to heal in silence, find music again through dance, feel comfortable to perform and find the words to say hello rugged angels. It is possible to love your life and live a life worth living even after the darkest and silent time.

JNET

playing for keeps

Happy leap year.

OMG I have a boyfriend!  Its been a fun month and I am celebrating that it feels like a wonder.

My girl friends are thrilled. To meet anyone worthy of mention in Los Angeles after two weeks is the equivalent of finding a pink unicorn. Meeting someone nice that you want to see again within the same week is RARE. Firefly and I have been getting a ghastly good dose of spending time together.

Despite my saying on date two that my running shoes were habitually laced up and ready to go, I have been kept enthralled. He's now met a handful of my friends (thumbs up) still keeping things quiet with our friends from rehearsal (to enjoy our budding romance privately) and we've attended church together and have a blog together (this is getting hardcore). Wait til we hit blooming stage.

L: "Ahh I remember how the first few months are blissful..."

Jnet: "Blissful? It's life on candy. Definitely a different energy. I've never met anyone where after a month we have plans for the next couple of seasons. All I can think is wow."

The  consensus is that we've had an amazing first month. And Firefly plans to let our bliss be the standard not the prelude.

Meanwhile, I'm thinking of ditching my running shoes. :)

JNET