Which Way To Take The Stairs?

Would you prefer going up to watch a spectacular sunset or go downhill where it is darker and colder?

It seems like an obvious choice but changing the "view" to a different dimension makes for some interesting hiking.

"JNET, I thought I was picky. You are pickier than me. Have you thought of lowering your expectations?"

If I want to enjoy a view or perspective of life, why should I sacrifice my own dreams and fulfill someone else's dreams at the expense of my own? Why should I take the stairs down a few notches so that I can have the almighty status symbol of a boyfriend? oooh ahhhh

It is the decade of my life where my mom, friends, and family are all sitting on the edge of their seats wondering when I'll jump on the marriage and children boat. It seems to be the ONLY topic that makes everyone excited. Though I have enthusiastic thoughts, I haven't met anyone worth sailing with. And the ones that have caught my interest are focused on their personal stairway. We say to each other... "see you at the top."

Love without the impulse to possess but rather to encourage "becoming" the fullness of one's possibility.... I suppose it's unconventional but it is not without a great deal of love and passion... the energy is simply transmuted.

If I am fulfilled and enjoying a certain sense of prosperity within the pleasure of my solitude, why would I want to inherit someone's certain shortcomings just to "be with someone"? If I work really hard at being the way I am and go through a great deal of discipline to create my life, why would I choose someone I couldn't admire?

I don't want to be "taken care of" by a sweetheart.... that's the mere frosting to a much more complex and exciting cake.

This evening, I had dinner with Mr. B who amused himself with my company. He finally got that though he is charmed with me and thinks I'm his perfect match, he hasn't revealed much that has inspired me to think that he qualifies a place in my heart beyond friendship.

Of course I love, I told him. I deeply love my friends.... ahh but what I'm looking for is another conversation and language. I don't put anyone "out". Friendship is a place where I listen and witness lives.

It is easy to enjoy sunsets and spectacular views... but most will retreat to their caves. I want to know what's at the top. Mr. B dreams of the top but retreats to a cave. In friendship, he admits this to me and is on his path. He leaves a lot for me to question as opposed to feel reassured over. At this junction, aligning myself beyond friendship would make me his cavegirl. I want someone braver. And knowing the risks or challenges that I sometimes take, my choices would be disagreeable to someone wishing to take a "safer route". I need someone who dreams of the top AND dreams at the top and overcomes challenges with grace and fortitude. That is loving life with freedom.

This is how I see life... I don't want to dream of it from a cave or be someone's cavegirl. I love my life and follow the light that delights me.

JNET