WORD UP: Limiting Theories and Limitless Possibility

I'm enjoying BSF's study and discussion on Genesis. It's our second week and we are still on chapter ONE and I'm being inspired into a lot of thought.

Today we discussed the limiting theories that are part of popular thought on the beginning of beginnings, ie.. Darwinian evolution, intelligent design, theistic evolution, gap (restitution) theory, progressive creationism, and literal six-days viewpoint. We have a garden variety to play with.

Some thoughts. I am in awe at imagining what kind of intelligence came up with designing this basic reality I call my world that I experience. If we gathered all the poets, composers, and artists of the world... how far and wide would their collective imaginations stretch? The sum of all artists perhaps is what God is.

What was a day to God? The sun and moon and stars that tracked the seasons were not created until day FOUR. How long were the three that preceded day FOUR? A few million years? Light was created on day ONE... light that was not generated by the sun nor stars... that must have been a surreal starting point to be creative in...a galactic playground. Modern astrophysicists declare that light existed for immensely longs periods before the sun, moon and stars came into being. I imagine it was pretty :)

And lastly, I find it fascinating that God said...

"Let us make man in our image, in our likeness...."

I had read Genesis 1:26 before but I took for granted that the phrase said.. US.. Let US... OUR image... OUR likeness. I wonder what aspects about ourselves are we blind to because we don't even know how to begin looking at ourselves.. let alone imagine beyond that into a realm of infinity. I put it on the table for the group to think about..

He created them male and female... Doesn't that mean then that God is in essence male and female? The attributes of God expand if I extend to characteristics of the "Spirit of God" and then there's the "Son of God" which makes a Triune with "God." What are the possibilities of who we are that are "created in the image of God... these three separate yet connected entities?"

It's week two of BSF... I've kept of with the homework. It's interesting and I'm committed to write my thoughts on the class each week. I'll preface the titles with WORD UP for easy reference. Please share any of your thoughts if you wish :)

Something to think about.
It beats talking about the weather and movies...

JNET

MUSIC: Simply Simpsonic Music!

I had the pleasure of joining the Audio Engineering Society for a great presentation by the creative team responsible for composing, recording, mixing and editing the music for "The Simpsons" thanks to an invitation of my dear friend, R. She is responsible for putting the event together.

Thanks to the efforts of R. the female attendance for an audio engineers' event rose and will grow:)

My interest as a music educator was to learn about the world of my friends and colleagues. I may not choose to be in the studio but I wanted to see what possibilities I can bring to my students.

Alf Clausen (composer), Rick Riccio (recording engineer) and Chris Ledesma (music editor) were excellent speakers. They were inspirational in sharing their work which they love. I wished that I had brought a couple of my high school music students. I think they would have understood quite a bit and learned a lot of new technical terms. I think they would have been inspired by the persistence and impeccability of how this successful collaborative team work and relate...

This evening I learned how a cartoon is born and the technical and creative intricacies that goes into it. Alf Clausen shared how the animators had a scene in mind with Homer playing an instrument and had requested to be present as the soloist played so that the cartoon movements matched what the musician was doing. The care and level of impeccability is admirable.

Sometimes a piece incorporates more than a dozen cartoon characters. Music is written sensitive to the diverse vocal ranges and personalities. As the composer beautifully described it, it's like putting together a "New York Times crossword puzzle".

So putting this puzzle is quite a masterful game and I was present to the respect and trust he had for all involved to help make his music happen. There is no room for second guessing and no time for wondering if it's good enough. That was the sentiment of the creative minds on the stage. When you are committed and doing something you love, you make Emmy-award winning work.

Chris Ledesma (music editor) thought he wanted to be a conductor when he was in music school but was bitten by the music editing bug. His persistence, attention to detail and commitment to showing up to life created the life he enjoys. He's edited every episode of "The Simpsons." He is another proud papa who loves his work.

Rick Riccio (audio engineer) also shared. I thought he was a creative and innovative thinker having designed sound systems and sound studios as well as mixing and recording. In listening to him and his friends onstage, I was present to mastery and flow.

I am happy to visit with the Audio Engineering Society. R. hosted a great event that I think a couple of my students would have enjoyed it as well as been inspired. I will be sharing with them what I learned and maybe will invite a couple should a suitable open event comes up.

The cartoons were hilarious, the process of creating the music a pleasure to learn about and I saw that remarkable work is put together by remarkable people.

JNET

WORD UP: Creativity Beyond Crayons and Clay

I have been very naughty in completing my BSF homework but I did glean at least one profound thought thus far.

Creativity.. Beyond crayons

Can you imagine an intense love that is inspired from within and not through mechanical reasoning... power with life behind it?

Inspiration where creation comes from nothing... having purpose... making preparation?

I listened to Bach's Piano Concerto No. 1 in D minor today and was humbled to tears by Glen Gould's performance of Bach's genius. What a brain massage! Put it on really loud or listen via headphones. I don't care how you do it, just do it.

What an inspired composer.. Listening to Bach connected me to my Genesis homework. I can only imagine the zone that Bach created from and if that is genius to me than my understanding of God's mind is only a tenth of a grain of sand. Both created from the nothingness and the everything-ness of their imagination, inspiration and purpose; a power and passion from within...

The water picture ABOVE is of the effects of Bach music upon water. Yes, water actually has a reaction to music. Some food for thought. Considering that we are made up of water molecules....

I thought I'd also share a tiny bit of Dr. Emoto's findings which he writes of in "Messages in the Water." The picture BELOW is the effect of HEAVY METAL music. Hmmm... Bach vs. Heavy Metal... Is it a difficult choice?

The concept of time interests me as well as our perspectives of time.

To a child, a time-out minute in the corner is torture. Time moves differently for a child. I remember one day after planting some bulbs in the garden with my niece one spring day, she watered them with me and then sat there and waited. She expected something to happen.

For a while, time seems to go at a slow pace. You're not 10 years old.. you are 10 in a half or 10 and three quarters. And it felt like you were 10 forever.

I'm in a space where time seems to be an illusion.... a game. And I'm still not a grown up grown up.

So if a thousand years is like a day to God.... really.... what is time?? How will our perspectives of time evolve with each phase of our life? With each lifetime?

And how will that perspective influence what kind of creative thoughts we generate?

JNET

Sitting in the Futility of Darkness

Today Los Angeles received it's first rain in months. It's absolutely beautiful to see the canyons a different shade of green when contrasted against clouds. There is also a bright sun trying to break through...

That pretty much encompasses how I feel today. I feel the coldness and wetness of life. I feel the frustration of moving at a slower pace. And as beautiful the difference is to have this weather... I feel the tenuous yearning to have the sun break through the clouds.

I almost wrote my Dear John letter to the mathematician today. I am feeling tired of the current "weather" and thought about placing my judgment on it... write him a nice goodbye. I can deal with my work and my friends and my family... but I have trouble dealing with the vulnerability of .... what is it? whatchmacallit?

My attitude goes between "whatever" and "why." And walking away seems like a way to find relief. I've never felt compelled to the game of couplehood... I find solace and sanity within solitude. But I didn't indulge my insecurities because everything else in my life is working in general and to throw a curve ball in his direction would be to say...

"everything in my life is going my way... i want to get you under control too... and I have no regard for what you have to go through with your life... love me now, you insensitive, selfish sod"

I came to my senses... Darn... I actually care enough to want to be my best self... even when I'm going though my drama at baggage claim...

So "keeping it real" was for me not add my drama .. I wrote him stuff that I really wanted to say.. there's nothing I've said that I would like to take back thus far and I'd like to keep it that way.

There is nothing to be with in the futility of darkness... just separate-ness ... an illusion that the self indulges to humor an noisy ego.

JNET

One Thought At A Time

I am enjoying dance rehearsal. I actually forgot for a moment that I was dancing with a basket balancing on my head at one point during "Ragragsakan." That was a freeing thought.. I had a chant to sing, a bouncy girlie walk to be cheerful with, a blanket wrapped around me which I unwrap to wave and dance with... all while balancing a basket on my head.. and thinking happy thoughts to get my mind off the basket on my head...

In a couple of dances, I'll be wearing elaborate dresses, with lots of petticoats. I tried one of them on today and I felt like royalty. I have to dance with this dress on? I have how long to get into this dress? With jewelry too? I'll next have to time how long I'll need to get between costumes and figure out where I'll need to reenter the stage.

The concert is November 12. It's going to be an absolutely gorgeous show. The vision of the leaders is inspiring and exciting.

I began BSF this past week. We're studying the book which is also known as "The Beginnings of the World" also known as Genesis. It's so fascinating how time gets tied together seamlessly through generations of writings and be loaded with philosophical brain candy.

My goal is to be really great in all that I do... and relaxed..

Like forgetting about the basket on my head and actually execute the dance well.. So I will get over measuring the amount of reading and homework and just learn and write well what insights I gain and share them..

If I'm to have any thoughts, might as well have wonderful ones that can open a world for me that is fun. The yucky thoughts don't do me well.

I get the most self-defeating thoughts when I think of my mathematician.

Love equals the end of life as I know it.
The unknown is scary.
How about love later and not now?
He can't possibly be interested in me.. Why?
I don't know what I'm doing and he knows it.

But I get over it as quickly as possible. I want to trust him. So I trust him instead of choosing to think less of him by making up horrible dramas that only hijack my emotions. I choose to encourage and contribute instead of being stingy and withholding.

Living life, keeping it real, one moment to the next...

Life is a full-on experience... and not a spectator sport.. It's not easy to keep the basket balanced, it's not easy to complete homework, it's not easy leaving the indulgence of solitude to make room for friendships, new commitments, family, love and romance... but I'm finding it becomes "easy" from being open to the possibilties of greatness by making a stand...

Some pretty neat habits begin to take on a life of their own.

JNET

PHOTOS: An Amalgam of These Two

It's ALL their fault.

When I introduce my friends to my mother, I tell them to direct all complaints about myself to her. She did afterall create me.

Mom: teacher, entrepreneur, loves gardening, entertaining friends, travel, books, classical music, school and community leadership, volunteer, devout Catholic, involved actively with family and church, danced filipino folk dances, graduated with honors from university... extremely independent and strong-willed, a bit eccentric, somewhat progressive, popular among her friends, standoffish to boys

My dad passed away when I was young but I wasn't spared from his influence.

Dad: engineer, loved to travel, hike, garden, listened to pop music, loved cooking, a bit of a jokester, liked fast cars and said if he had to choose a new career he'd be a race car driver, in general, quiet and pensive. extremely independent and strong-willed, a bit goofy, somewhat conservative, adored Spain and Spanish art, music and dance, popular though a bit reserved, liked to collect pieces of art and sculpture... was a bit straight-forward and confrontational but very good at flying kites, bought me boxing gloves when I was six years old

My mom has a lot of funny stories about when she was young and single. Recently, I asked her how she met dad. Besides being discouraged from the get-go to have eyes for my dad, she didn't know that she liked him until she graduated from university - when she realized during her ceremonies that it might've been nice if he was there. It took her four years of friendship and her graduation day to show her that she missed him... therefore telling her that ... maybe.. maybe, she liked him... and that he liked her, she just didn't have a clue.

So these two people forged my personality and the physical and perhaps psychic manifestation of who I am through their customized taste of parenting. The next time someone calls me an "enigma" "freak of nature" or "interesting" person... I must credit it to my parents...

JNET

Going up? Going down?

Yesterday and part of today, I lost my mind.

Drama Queen's brain was busy. What's funny is that my friends think of me as a peaceful and calm person. I was having runaway emotions over feeling neglected and dejected... My unbusy moments were getting busy with insecure nonsense... The perpetual optimist in me took a nose dive.

Why hasn't he called? Ahhh, he's disappeared into his work again.. I beat myself with other thoughts.

But he finally said hello again today and everything about us and our idiosyncracies made sense again.

If everyone has a unique voice, style of expressing one's self then it makes sense to say also that everyone has a unique way of listening to their world; to others and their self...

and somewhere in the whir of life, everyone discovers ways to relate to one another.. some in profound ways...communicating a world of possibilities creatively... some relate in profane ways, creating confusion and indulging fear.. unable to experience delight daily.

I've been skipping along with the mathematician, sending him a daily dose of bounce, wondering if my thoughts make him dizzy or nervous. And before I can catapult myself into another world, he places his ground and creates a gravity that pulls me back. I'll celebrate his private milestones with him... be the occassional wake up call for a special day. Between our respective busy worlds, there's seems to be a little heartbeat. Is it love? Is it love? Is it love??

Possibly.

Is it really not a good time for a relationship and a hard balance to strike? Is someone else going to step in and send my world in a spin that makes my mathematican fade into the background of life? Will I lose interest because I have more freedom not being in school right now?

But then, what if everything wonderful that I think of us... is only the beginning of what is true.

It would be really great to see if my crush and I are on the same game. That would be extordinary and weird..

JNET

Thank you, Sir, for being my headache. I miss you. Piss off.

My life is one huge buzz of activity. If I am not moving then my brain is and unfortunately at this moment... my brain is not being agreeable for the tasks at hand.

It's been a good week. It's been a stressful week. I had lots of time being social and with friends.

And I had lots of moments missing being with a certain someone and now I have a headache.

Thank you, sir, for being my headache. I miss you. Piss off.

Emotions are funny little babies.

Academia has swallowed up my sweetie pie. Since I know he's out dragon slaying for the almighty double delight of degrees, this princess is minding her own kingdom. It just would be nice to have the prince stop by for a bit of tea and say "good going, woman"... take me in his arms for that lift off and fly hug and enjoy being alive and in the same place.

Not so... He's slaying a really big, big dragon. I'll let him alone to enjoy the carnage.

I just don't like missing. I've never missed anyone and am surprised to find that I can be sentimental. And more terrifying yet is that he is still around despite me. I'm not your typical cute, fun girl that likes to hold hands, go to the movies, dinner, dancing and play mindless kissy face all day long playing tennis conversation of "no... what would YOU like to do... what would you like do... no , what would you like to do"

I think I enjoy peace of mind in being busy with my thing...

Lately, he's been initiating "we" stuff that sends my brain over the other side into places I've never been before. I'm not sure how to navigate.

He's disappeared into his work for now and I'm glad to disappear into mine.. The "we" stuff is sitting on the stove... should I be doing something with it? should I stir it? should I add some salt and pepper?

How people manage to fall in love or date regularly is beyond my comprehension... this unfamiliar flutter of emotion is bewildering. I feel compelled to bury it and run... write a poetic eulogy and walk away...develop a strange case of selective amnesia... wake up, smile, think... "that was a nice dream"... sigh and live my life and leave love and romance for the rest of the human race.... everyone seems to be chasing it where I've been living to steer clear of the drama of it.

But I don't walk away.

And every time I hear classical guitar music; I've moved to tears. I don't just think that it's beautiful music... I think of him. When I have a stinking cookie!! I think of him... because he's a cookie guy and I'm a cookie girl. He doesn't seem to fade into the background of my life... instead he becomes a source of inspiration as well as neurosis.

And he's always so easy going and affectionate. We once watched a movie on my computer that kept on being interrupted every few minutes due to a faulty cord that wasn't charging the computer very well and he didn't get impatient or upset at all. It was one of my favorite movies and he got into it that he wanted to finish watching it too despite the interruptions. We even watched the special features! Do you know how many times we had to let go of each other and get all comfy all over again? Lots.

He has the patience of a saint. I suppose he'll need it with me.

JNET

09.04.05

YAY.. my second month of living alone. It's been a very busy month. I didn't get to enjoy my solitude as much as I'd like. My teaching practice didn't dry up for the summer. It prospered.

I'm still dancing with rehearsals twice a week. I have my private lessons to work through Debussy's "Suite Bergamasque". I volunteer one evening a week at Landmark Education and I have dinner or lunch with a friend at least 3 times during the week.

And then I am committed to blog at least every other day or so and I am writing a book.

If I'm not teaching, I'm practicing the piano or dancing... If I'm not practicing, I'm writing. If I'm not writing; I'm reading... If I'm not reading... then I must be spending time with a friend.

And I still think that I'm not accomplishing enough. But I don't beat myself up and think that I'm a lazy toad... I understand that I'm in a different stage of my life's construction.. Life is under construction... God is at work... Fines are doubled if I do any funky freak out stuff... so I'll just drive calmly and enjoy the view.

I haven't seen my crush in a while nor have I bothered to call him. I'm too exhausted and cherish my solitude when I finally am in the company of my self. He's been incredibly busy as well. I think I would freak out if he demanded more time with me. Fortunately, we are on a more organic path and I like the steady and gentle growth of subtle intertwining. The relationship is already an intense experience for what it is.

I'm looking forward to practicing going beyond solo... all in good time.

Tomorrow, I think I'd like to enjoy an afternoon nap and maybe staying in bed with a book and ignoring the phone.... at least for a few hours.

I think I'll make my goal for this month to experience peace and feel relaxed in everything I do... That will be fun... I'll continue with my crazy life as is and put on a new approach and see how life comes out from that.

JNET

POEM: From Jane Gault

Inspired by "John Gault's Radio Address" in Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged"

The last of my words I leave to those heros hidden in the world
Held prisoner within the beauty of a soul unfurled
Of virtue and desperate determination

My friends in spirit, keep watch your border
For lingering enemies await to bring disorder
Hurling hatred upon a path of an honest life

Where roads have been laid down with passionate invention and emotions
To serve hungry nations of voracious appetites and notions
And you are held by means of your endurance

As your generousity extends to bear their sorrow and concerns
Innocent of their sulfurous hearts as their mind burns
A crack on the sidewalk disguishes

Their evil in cries of despair
And you stand unaware
Unable to conceive of their intentions

In giving every benefit of every doubt
You refuse to condemn that which eludes you
Devout to understanding

You stand with your love for life
They chant quiet prayers of strife
As you naively call them friend
They plan your love for life to end

Copyright ©2005 J. R. Hollyday