Going up? Going down?

Yesterday and part of today, I lost my mind.

Drama Queen's brain was busy. What's funny is that my friends think of me as a peaceful and calm person. I was having runaway emotions over feeling neglected and dejected... My unbusy moments were getting busy with insecure nonsense... The perpetual optimist in me took a nose dive.

Why hasn't he called? Ahhh, he's disappeared into his work again.. I beat myself with other thoughts.

But he finally said hello again today and everything about us and our idiosyncracies made sense again.

If everyone has a unique voice, style of expressing one's self then it makes sense to say also that everyone has a unique way of listening to their world; to others and their self...

and somewhere in the whir of life, everyone discovers ways to relate to one another.. some in profound ways...communicating a world of possibilities creatively... some relate in profane ways, creating confusion and indulging fear.. unable to experience delight daily.

I've been skipping along with the mathematician, sending him a daily dose of bounce, wondering if my thoughts make him dizzy or nervous. And before I can catapult myself into another world, he places his ground and creates a gravity that pulls me back. I'll celebrate his private milestones with him... be the occassional wake up call for a special day. Between our respective busy worlds, there's seems to be a little heartbeat. Is it love? Is it love? Is it love??

Possibly.

Is it really not a good time for a relationship and a hard balance to strike? Is someone else going to step in and send my world in a spin that makes my mathematican fade into the background of life? Will I lose interest because I have more freedom not being in school right now?

But then, what if everything wonderful that I think of us... is only the beginning of what is true.

It would be really great to see if my crush and I are on the same game. That would be extordinary and weird..

JNET