I did not host my annual cocktails and candy hearts party this year.
My firefly and I have been dipping into the dopamine decanter so much that we're celebrating any reason to see each other mid-week; Valentine's Day presented us Tuesday, rehearsal and the imperative to do laundry gave us Thursday.
We're new. Really really really new and the momentum of our enthusiasm feels both terrible and thrilling. I'm part of the stratosphere and yet I feel grounded. Its dizzying and sobering.
When i am with him i feel present to power and kindness. He sets himself apart from others. Conversations that I would find annoying and presumptuous by others land on a different ear by him. Two weeks new.
JNET: "Vacation :) sigh"
R: "I don't know if this is too soon, but....wanna plan something?"
JNET: "You're cute. It's fun to make even fantasy plans. We won't be able to escape til after March, maybe May."
R: "Sweet. Summer!"
JNET: "You're planning on kissing me 6 months from now :)"
R: "Of course, but not if you've just had garlic."
Its surreal feeling somewhat swept away. Ive never surrendered valentines day to anyone. I had a cocktail party to host to safely distance myself from all overtures of intention. But here i am surrendering simply by request. He is at ease yet bold. Adventurous yet well composed. Being in the space of his intention is intensely intriguing that I don't have time to make a run for it. I am comfortable though I'm in a world outside my comfort zone.
Its beyond flowers and sentimental words. He has a way of making every day feel like valentines day.
JNET
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