I am living solo and enjoying a new peace of mind. I think I'll consider a no roommate life indefinitely. Roommate as defined as having a person share living space for the prominent reason of surviving on a financial basis.
ABC: "Relationships are ruined by money."
JNET: "Relationships are ruined by lack of respect, kindness and graciousness. Blaming money is a lazy choice and you avoid looking into the whole relating part."
Anyway, a huge noise in my life has moved on and I had to realize very sadly that my friend that had lived with me was doomed from the beginning compromised by the things on their plate of life. I will be more discriminating in who to help and be close to in the future.
Who am I to be helpful anyway? I have enough on my plate.
It was naive of me. I know that now. But we all do that sometimes, care about someone that proves to be not such a wise idea after all is said and done. The social currency went out of balance when no quantity of compliments could cover the incurring sense that I was not as cherished a friend.
I find myself retreating now. I am not feeling like obliging an audience with just anyone who wishes to say hello or even be helpful. Especially if they are saying hello from a darkness that I do not understand or a darkness that they seem more comfortable with than I would.
Hark! Who goes there?
A friend.
What friend would I want to refuse to join my world that celebrates love, friendship and family? Will I now refuse the friend that is in trouble?
I will be refusing those who do not help themselves, have created a lifestyle depending on the goodwill of people and have a casualty list of those that got squashed while trying to catch them.
G: "It happens. Losing friends."
JNET: "It happens? Its still doesn't make it something to be apathetic about when it is happening more often that you'd like to admit. I may get engaged into my work but I don't drop friends."
Building one's world and one's life is an act of love and creativity. And one's world is a precious space and that value extends to friends and family. Many many many came to my side immediately and took initiatives into healing my space. I am grateful for that and it made me realize that my home is a safe place for many friends.
For now, I am choosing solitude and being more discriminating. My truest friends stand at the ready while I rest from the "construction".
Now it is I who is rebuilding myself.
JNET
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