he who lights a path

I have practiced how to live as an amazing-ascetic-happy-hermit.   Sublimely embracing the solitude life. Being sociable was making sure I was enrolled in a class. Being well-spoken and able to host and entertain, I see as a valuable skill like writing or sewing.  Handy dandy.

But I do not know what to do with a boyfriend.  So far I’ve fascinated my firefly for nearly five weeks and he seems to light a path forward on this unfamiliar terrain of sharing time, conversations, and camping space.

I take screen shots when hes talking to me on Skype or when he’s fussing over his laundry and ironing. And i feel charmed while doing our something’s together as well as our nothing’s.

And just when I think this charmed together space is to disappear and get consumed by real life where work schedules lend space to grow distant where insecurity gets airtime to tell me to bolt and run for it, firefly lights a spot. He says hello and makes a plan.

And a world where I once guarded my yes’s grows.

Growing by firefly light.

JNET

love is a compass

The world laments hardship. It would be easy to indulge into it with a mere click and resign into its normalcy.

Certain days may happen and feel like demanding brats. But what kind of negativity slayer would I be to allow such days to spoil my world?

This year is a total turnaround from last. From a space of silence, noise that hid within the complex harmony of life exposed itself. Good friends sat with my silence and gave me stories of strength and visions of hope when I couldn’t write. I decided to study flamenco dance so that my love for art and expression can have a voice, rhythm and structure.

How to save a life? Therapy? I chose art. Reading music gave me blurring headaches, I was too broken for words and all color and design lost its click appeal. Dance was it; specifically flamenco. I immersed myself, learning new counts, words, how to hold my arms. I learned choreography to bulerias, tangos, sevillanas, guajiras, fandangos, siguiriyas. Dance pieced me back together along with a handful of dear people.

This year I began playing the piano again and the blurring headache is at bay. I’m studying flamenco at least 5 hours a week. I’m having friends over and feel like making new ones. I’ve returned to my Filipino dance group and we’re rehearsing at least 8 hours a week preparing to perform at the Getty in a couple of weeks….the Skirball and Hollywood Bowl later this summer. My truest friends shined during my darkest year and helped a silent artist find its way.

This negativity slayer learned that no battle is won alone. The sequoia tree does not stand alone. Below the ground level is a constellation of intertwining roots. And due to my roots, I was able to heal in silence, find music again through dance, feel comfortable to perform and find the words to say hello rugged angels. It is possible to love your life and live a life worth living even after the darkest and silent time.

JNET

playing for keeps

Happy leap year.

OMG I have a boyfriend!  Its been a fun month and I am celebrating that it feels like a wonder.

My girl friends are thrilled. To meet anyone worthy of mention in Los Angeles after two weeks is the equivalent of finding a pink unicorn. Meeting someone nice that you want to see again within the same week is RARE. Firefly and I have been getting a ghastly good dose of spending time together.

Despite my saying on date two that my running shoes were habitually laced up and ready to go, I have been kept enthralled. He's now met a handful of my friends (thumbs up) still keeping things quiet with our friends from rehearsal (to enjoy our budding romance privately) and we've attended church together and have a blog together (this is getting hardcore). Wait til we hit blooming stage.

L: "Ahh I remember how the first few months are blissful..."

Jnet: "Blissful? It's life on candy. Definitely a different energy. I've never met anyone where after a month we have plans for the next couple of seasons. All I can think is wow."

The  consensus is that we've had an amazing first month. And Firefly plans to let our bliss be the standard not the prelude.

Meanwhile, I'm thinking of ditching my running shoes. :)

JNET