I have practiced how to live as an amazing-ascetic-happy-hermit. Sublimely embracing the solitude life. Being sociable was making sure I was enrolled in a class. Being well-spoken and able to host and entertain, I see as a valuable skill like writing or sewing. Handy dandy.
But I do not know what to do with a boyfriend. So far I’ve fascinated my firefly for nearly five weeks and he seems to light a path forward on this unfamiliar terrain of sharing time, conversations, and camping space.
I take screen shots when hes talking to me on Skype or when he’s fussing over his laundry and ironing. And i feel charmed while doing our something’s together as well as our nothing’s.
And just when I think this charmed together space is to disappear and get consumed by real life where work schedules lend space to grow distant where insecurity gets airtime to tell me to bolt and run for it, firefly lights a spot. He says hello and makes a plan.
And a world where I once guarded my yes’s grows.
Growing by firefly light.
JNET
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