Bye Bye March Madness

My darling world had a bit of a hiccup this month. Thank God for a fresh start with upcoming April.

I landed onto March with a slide onto homeplate full of scuffs and proverbial bruises. March was a shaky month for me despite clearing away the questionable Mystic, grabbing some free time to escape to Palm Springs for a weekend, enjoying a visit from mom and niece and gaining a new roommate and friend (we seem well matched thus far)....

I could've done with a bit more hugs and a nice windfall of cash to make for a stronger rise after the dust settled but a shaky ascension is better than lying down to humor self-pity.

It is still raining but I stand under my umbrella. Do I wish I had some company to sing songs with while I wait the storm off?

No.

I found myself avoiding certain phone calls and not answering to certain emails that seemed to want to steal the wind I had to muster myself with.

"Honey, I am sorry that I can't help you. You live in Los Angeles. If you moved closer to me, life would be easier... I would be able to help you out."

"You know, you would have more security if you got a regular secure job. Being self-employed is hard and harder still because you're a woman."

"If you only had a man to take care of you, you wouldn't have to struggle so much. You should get married."

GOD, HOW I LOVE THE OVERFLOWING ENCOURAGEMENTS OF SUCH PEOPLE!

Though I enjoyed the votes of confidences from friends, it was my own vote of confidence that I needed. I avoided any voices that would push any delicate weakness in favor of opinions that put me down. Those well meaning intentions that had a canny way of dowsing my self-belief were side-stepped.

Shall I feed my mind with the noise of insecurity and sing that I am living in desperate straits or steadily rise through the quiet edifications and encouragements of soul voices?

April will be a great month. Nothing wrong with little spring showers as long as it helps me grow.

JNET

POEM: Backdoor

A day came to past recalling a memory of favor
Savoring a future dream lazily along the banks of backward
Where ticking clocks met old paved walks
A back door of time revealed

Objective reality rolled and bounced aside, the toys of tomorrow
Sorrow is only play money played for today's time to borrow
Hopscotch to ticking clocks on old paved walks
A back door of time revealed

How happiness frets upon the seconds to settle wages of minute thoughts
Mindful dreams of past to be freshly caught again
Backwards tick tock
A dance, a walk
A back door of time revealed

JNET

Copyright ©2007 J. R. Hollyday

Shaking The Reds

Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?

Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?

Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?

Paul Varjak: Sure.

Holly Golightly: Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that'd make me feel like Tiffany's, then - then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name!

(breakfast at tiffany's)

***************

Like Holly, I'm looking for that place of quietness and proudness where nothing bad can happen. Perhaps that is what makes people buy furniture and cats too....

The world must be full of lucky, lucky people to have found such quietness..

JNET

Me and Mr. B

He's nice. We have a great time and enjoy conversation and music together. And yet I am not inspired beyond cheerful conversation.

"Darwin would love you." my roommate told me this morning after relaying how Mr. B and I spent the day together.

"Who's Darwin?"

"Charles Darwin, evolutionist... you know, survival of the fittest."

"Of course, that Darwin...a geek for a geek goddess."

Mr. B and I may have the neural connection to discuss literature, music and science but he doesn't make me laugh. Hmmmm. G made note of that last weekend while in Palm Springs with a few friends for a getaway. Not many people put me in a goofy, light or side splitting mood.

Comedy is about style and timing. It's all very personal and I suppose what I'm feeling when the gags are going around are that the laughs are for a general audience. I feel like the message is "someone love me" with arbitrary affections. It's strange to hear a joke and become present to feeling unsettled.... but then again, self-deprecation is fashionable.

I guess it's not very romantic to me but my aloofness does not seem to stave off Mr. B's persistence. I've encouraged him to diversify his prospects noticing that our timing is off. He's determined to upgrade his friendship position despite having stepped on my toes during his mating dances to get my attentions. He likes that I'm "difficult."

I am not sure what to make of such reasoning for pursuing love... I'm not some cosmic joke to get. I'm really just a girl that's been put together just so looking for someone to enjoy and not "get." Forever would be nice... considering that love is an epic journey for me and not a trip to a local candy store.

I want someone to love for the rest of my life...find a conversation that is continously engaging through different seasons... How outdated maybe. I have friends and family and they fit that bill... as for warm fuzzies and affections... Timing is everything.

I'm curious. What would Darwin predict here?

JNET

Starlight Starbright's Stellar Night

"Children are 30 percent of our population and 100 percent of our future."

Robin McGraw and Dave Koz won the Heart of Gold award last night at Starlight Starbright's Stellar Evening. I had the pleasure of celebrating the evening with a roomful of humanitarians who gathered with a shared passion; helping very ill children and their families creatively and creating connection.

There are children who have had over 50 surgeries before reaching their sweet 16th birthday party. They wake up to needles and nurses and the normalcy of childhood escapes them. Thanks to good people with great ideas, humanitarian organizations are born and grow.

A video game that teaches kids about cancer cells and they get to shoot down the baddies??? Cool! It's called "ReMission" by HopeLabs.

"When my son saw that Nintendo system when he was getting wheeled into the room, I knew that that wasn't going to make the needles less painful but it made the hospital experience less painful." Hostess Jamie Lee Curtis shared her introduction to the organization after bringing her son in due to an accident.

I had a beautiful table where I sat with people who worked at the hospitals, who was on the board with Starlight Starbright, who worked on the technical side of their programs, who were all great people moved by a beautiful cause... and we were within 20 feet of Jamie Lee Curtis. HA!

Other stars?

Queen Latifah was sitting at the table next to us and Smokey Robinson was sitting with Patti Austin another table over. Other luminaries were present but I don't want to be a windbag.

I'd rather rave about the opening entertainer of the evening, a 10 year old child who played a Beethoven sonata who is also in his 5th year of college studies. How's that for a brilliant shining star? He and his proud parents opened the evening.

The Hollywood stars of the evening weren't the Grammy and Oscar crowd, rather it was the families... the children who have seized their own power despite their challenges, the famililes that created strength when the fight for life was upon them and the families who celebrate their lives by giving to those from their abundance, the humanitarians that comprise the supporters of Starlight Starbright Children's Foundation.

It was a truly stellar evening.

JNET

Liberty Educaiton: Is Not For Lightweights

Baby, are you saying that this tax conversation is too complicated? Well honey, talking about politics is not for those that rather stay in the crib. When you're ready, there's a dirty martini, EXTRA dirty with the best, smooth vodka and the most beautiful olives waiting for you....

Webster Tarpley, of all the speakers at the Freedom Law School Conference seemed to hold the stage like no other. People were willing to let their catered hot gourmet lunch go cold while a man spoke about historical war strategies and governmental pretense toward the public.

"Have you listened to this man before?" the man next to me enthusiastically asked.

"Never." I confessed. Mind you, I'm the girl who's listening to Beethoven as I write this blog entry.

Whoever this Webster Tarpley is, I was engaged in his lecture.

"Be familiar with a law dictionary." ... was goood advice. The language of forms are very particular and they tend to lean toward legal dictionary definitions. Very common sense advice.

Mr. Tarpley spoke of loving a good government was very different from fearing a bad one. And his spouting of information regarding taxes and specific codes and all the misleading one that constitute as a "tax confessional" rather than a voluntary process was DIZZYING to say the least.... but very VERY ENGAGING. I didn't have a reservation for the gourmet hot lunch. HECK, I wanted the man to speak beyond his allotted time as well and let the food freeze so that I can learn more about foreign policy and what the world (other countries) at large were saying about our country... (It's not so nice.)

I wrote down ooodles of notes that I won't decipher here. What I was left with after Mr. Tarpley's lecture was that he wasn't very confident of our government and wanted to share his wariness of current politics.

The powers that be are not boy scouts... and they make darth vadar look like a teddy bear.I'm sitting at the bar with the dirtiest martini... damn politics.

Question everything, think for yourself and be an educated citizen was what I gained from the conference...

I'm sitting at the bar with the dirtiest martini... damn politics.

Please watch "Loose Change" and "From Freedom to Facism" to get a primer... Pass on the links (per request of the filmmakers) get in the know and get involved....

JNET

Delicious and Delicate Dreams

I can still remember the touch of his hand...

It's been a while since I've seen the mathematician. I've been busy living my life path and likewise he has been busy away with his rigorous studies.

But last night, I had the best dream of him (besides the sexy one where we ran off to New York) and it was so sweet.

No one seems to flavor a day just like him. His presence... whether in real time or dream time puts me in another space of quiet charm. I didn't want to wake up from this dream. He was cheerful as usual, ambitious and on the edge of exhaustion but confident and focused.... and stealing a moment that neither of us wanted to ever end.

Guarded - unguarded, pragmatic - cheerful, solitary - ambitious, confident - focused, reserved - generous, restrained - declaring... and sweetly, delicately... deliciously shyly sexy.... My dream brought me back to my mathematician and a delicate kindness that has not been since overshadowed despite an array of enthusiastic suitors. No one seems to flavor a day like him.

I woke up from the dream. Actually my dream was briefly interrupted by a phone call from my mother. My mathematician waited while I told my mom "yes, mom, I did pay that parking ticket." I had one foot in the dream world and another in the real world. "Gotta go, Mom! Bye!"

I was able to return to the dream where we walked forward sharing red licorice sticks and promising conversations before we parted ways and I was returned to the real world.

I wasn't sad when I woke up... Isn't that strange?

JNET

Stretching Lessons

I am tired and restless.

I wish I could lean upon someone and not have to be so strong and steely... Wearing pink and pigtails yet having to lead, or plan or delegate polarizes me. After hearing so many discouraging stories this week, I still choose to believe that water exists for this flower...

Overhead this week...

Girl on dating guy for five years: "I found a girl's necklace under his pillow. He said it's been there since he's moved in. How stupid is that!"

Girl on dating a guy for a year... has housekey and lives there part-time to a girl she found out was dating her guy also for the past year: "Didn't you see any of my clothes in the closet? Our pictures?

Girl 2: "No, there was nothing. And I had a key too."

Girl 1: "You must've seen my toothbrush..."

Girl 2: "Was it red?"

Girl 1: "Yes! That's my toothbrush! He gave that to me."

Girl 2: "Eww... He gave ME that toothbrush. We've been using the same toothbrush."

I don't know how their stories end but I do wonder about how they began and the dynamic that enabled deceit to thrive. How do smart and beautiful women, confident in many ways find themselves in such situations?

I almost got caught up in a drama of my own but was saved by my disdained pragmatic way of slicing and dicing up life. Miss Impossible just doesn't get emotional or attached to anything that doesn't add up to worthy. While my counterparts couple up to cover the ill-feeling of being alone, I grow great friendships, enjoy my solitude, and look forward to meeting someone who'll shine in kindness and grace above my dearest friends.

Someone who won't lie about "unexplained" items in their possession... someone who won't make me share a toothbrush with the other lover... someone who knows what they want and won't use fear or intimidation to gain it.

I should "lower my standards" I've been told. Shall I live in the state of fear that seems to create more madness into the human condition? Date anyone, someone breathing so that I don't need to spend Friday night with myself? Stop working on my piano, dance or yoga technique so that I can have a relationship to speak of even if for a brief stint? Chase someone, anyone or let anyone catch me so that I can have a story to gab with the girls?

He's great, he makes six figures, he doesn't know what to do with the current girlfriend... go for it!!! Love is scarce, get what you can when you can before it's too late....

What a way to live...

There are two ways to live; by one's fears on one's dreams.

Which way do you stretch?

JNET

Liberty Education: The EX IRS Agent Speaks

I took a slight departure from my charming little world to "expand" my horizons and attended the Freedom Law School Conference specifically to hear Mr. Joe Banister speak... I learned about him while watching Aaron Russo's documentary that investigates the history of the IRS, "From Freedom to Facism".

I was a bit taken back by Mr. Banister. He was very mild-mannered and had that sweet neighbor-next-door-with-the-nice-wife-and-2.5 kids look. He comes from a good family. His brothers are firemen and police officers. His dad was in the military as well as his granddads and Mr. Banister was the rebel that decided to become an accountant when he grew up.

The man has a fascinating story and you can learn more at his blog. While working as an investigator at the IRS he came across a speaker on a radio show that spoke about the "unconstutionality" of the income tax. Having listened and respected the radio show's host for a couple of years, the IRS man didn't tune the show off as rubbish but instead ordered the reading materials that the guest speaker offered.

Since he was an investigator, Mr. Banister thought he was doing his job in reading the materials so that he may refute the arguments after doing his research. But since his supervisor wasn't being helpful in answering his questions to validate the IRS' position, Mr. Banister found himself at a quandary. The IRS put him on administrative leave followed by his walking papers. Mr. Banister never got his answers as to what specific law Americans were following to pay income taxes and he never received an argument to contest the materials that he was reading on the unconstituationality of the income tax.

And so was born as WHISTLE BLOWER of the IRS.

What a sticky place for Mr. Banister. He shared stories of how shocked at how dirty the fight gets once someone challenges a system... like the IRS FALSIFYING evidence! Since there was no evidence to look at and his life was a bit upside-down for a bit, the IRS took a round of defeat. Mr. Banister is still fighting for the truth. The last thing you think while listening to him is that he's making it up.

I listened to a quite a few at the Freedom Law School Conference. My head is still spinning. What to make of this information? What to do? Even my reading on the internet has brought up some interesting theories that Mr. Banister is simply a plant working the in tax protestor movement in order to take it down. But in listening to him speak in person, I must say that he looks like a real "joe". The bottom line is he is a threat to a structure and system that is making billions out of the ignorance and fear of American citizens. Mr. Banister is unafraid to challenge the powers that be and use the law and his rights.

I returned home with a new education. Question everything, think for yourself and be an educated citizen was what I gained from the conference...

Liberty Education... I feel like a baby but I don't feel vulnerable in a state of ignorant bliss... I have quite a bit to share and I am still digesting the information. I'll be processing and writing about the speakers over the next week or so...

Please watch "Loose Change" and "From Freedom to Facism" to get a primer... Pass on the links (per request of the filmmakers) get in the know and get involved....

JNET

Power Naps and Serenity Snacks

Pasadena has a piece of paradise at the Huntington Library and Botanical Gardens...

March stomped in with a brand new roommate (she's great) and crash landed a former roommate (she and her boyfriend had broken up and were to no longer play house).

I enjoyed a quirky piece of solitude at a Freedom and Liberties Conference where I took a crash course on politics, listening to speakers on 911 and the controversial income tax system for a zippy weekend (I have yet to process and blog my thoughts...) And returned home for a new round of house guests; my mom and my niece. During their week stay, we spent a day at the Huntington Library and Gardens to stroll gorgeous gardens and art galleries.

What a sane and civilized way to decompress. Time doesn't exist in such places. Heck, even Los Angeles with its glorious traffic and decadent botox population seem to not cross the boundaries into certain gardens though it may be quite therapeutic to help one get re-centered preferably with multiple visits... Art galleries, music concerts, tea rooms, gardens galore..........A perfect place to JNETSWORLD....

JNET

Liberty Education: A Power Hour A Day

The "master of ceremonies" or MC (emcee) of the Freedom Law School Conference was Dave vonKliest, a "conspiracy theorist" according to Glenn Beck of CNN. Have you watched that interview? If not, watch it below. The host, Glenn Beck is appalling and seems to cater to the Jerry Springer mentality of America... JUST WHAT WE NEED on CNN.

CNN Media reaches all time LOW

Dave vonKliest was a great host though I had never listened to his Power Hour show. He wasn't at all a "nutty theoriest with no common sense and too much time on his hands" as Glenn Beck degrades him in disrespectful glee.

This patriotic "nutty" emcee smoothly handled over a dozen guest speakers who he warmly and respectfully welcomed to the stage ranging from scientists, survivors from the Twin Towers and the Pentagon of September 11 (911), the filmmakers of documentary "Loose Change", college professors, journalists and formers agents of the IRS.

Dave vonKliest is not afraid to ask hard questions in pursuit of truth. Is that what our popular media represents to us? Are they pursuing scientists and military experts and being respectful and inquisitive listeners? Or are they jabbing at their guests with "witty" oneliners, trying to be laugh factories instead of truth seekers pandering to the interests of sponsors?

Does anyone really WATCH the news? After watching several clips of how the conference's guests are treated by the popular media, I was thoroughly disgusted by the popular media's "objectivity" in listening to a guest....

If you want a power hour a day to be in the know of what's going on in the world, consider if the news you follow fills like a "power hour" of knowledge or mindless tripe to entertain and numb...

JNET

Liberty Education: "America From Freedom to Facism"

I took a slight departure from my charming little world to "expand" my horizons and attended the Freedom Law School Conference...

A conference about taxes, politics, and international relations??? How absolutely nutty! After having friends fall by the wasteside opting to "GO TO WORK" and take on other activities, it was I left standing to drive to Irvine's Atrium Hotel for the conference...

I had a moment where I entertained NOT attending. Will I be surrounded by radical wackos from gun country boon valley? I was a bit afraid. I watched "America: From Freedom to Facism" a film by Aaron Russo and found my curiousity coals turned over as conversations with friends heated up over disbelief...

Instead, I was surrounded by many sorts of people, most of them over the age of 50. There were folks in suits, business people and business owners, professors, scientists, religious teachers, self-employed sorts, journalists and creative activists...like the filmmakers of "Loose Change" the movie on 911.

The conference was riveting and I returned home with a new education after listening to enlightening speakers. Question everything, think for yourself and be an educated citizen was what I gained from the conference...

"What? You mean income taxes are voluntary?" "What? You mean, I have rights that I am not exercising and the government is abusing?" "What? The IRS is doing what? The Federal Reserve is what?"

And then some...

A movie brought me to the first door of inquiry...

Director Aaron Russo tears down at the government issued illusion of "freedom" that he declares in his film has enslaved the American people. As a prolific man, his past successes include directing "Trading Places" (eddie murphy) and "The Rose" (bette midler). He's also managed Bette Midler as well as Manhattan Transfer.... and ran for governor in Nevada in the 90's.

His creative passion makes no apologies as he uncovers truths that America might find better comfort in ignorance... a world where IRS agents resign from their positions and advocate protesting against a fraudulent tax system, where officials trump on the Constitution and Supreme Court rulings in favor of using brute force as law, and congressman languish over powers-that-be in charge. Issues that beg the question and outrage of "what now?" from viewers.

This man has been getting standing ovations for his movie. What I'd like to know is is everyone beginning to wake up or just beginning to feel how numb they are....

Check out Aaron Russo's full feature documentary "From Freedom to Facism"

Liberty Education... I feel like a baby but I don't feel vulnerable in a state of ignorant bliss... I have quite a bit to share and I am still digesting the information. I'll be processing and writing about it over the next week or so...

Please watch "Loose Change" and "From Freedom to Facism" to get a primer... Pass on the links (per request of the filmmakers) get in the know and get involved....

JNET

Not Everything Is Fixable

A dream inspired me to action...

It wasn't a wonka bizarre dream. This one was a bittersweet short film. Maybe I'd title it "Beyond Repair."

After a year exploring the possibility of Mystic, I decided to drop out and call it a night.. indefinitely. "Everything is fixable," is his motto. It would be most fair to say that everything was perfect but we didn't have that sticky power that creates great couples. The friendship was complete in itself and both of us were "beyond"...

There is nothing to fix, nothing broken. What should two perfectly complete human beings that are not compelled to dream of mad eternal futures together do than part ways? We were but notes to an interlude but not the motifs to a symphony.

Somehow, saying goodbye seemed easier to do than press forward. Sometimes, 'goodbye" is the most honest thing you can say.

JNET

The Bizarre In My Head

I slept very well last night.

With the exception that I had a very wonkish nightmare night. I have no idea what to make of it but I thought I'd put the pieces on the table...

I dreamed that my face was sorely bruised. And yet everyone ignored it with uneasy glances. I dreamed of weird elevators under parks and fire stations. The one going down opened onto a slide... the one going back up, you had to slide yourself into something that looked like a mail slot.

I dreamed of people living in worlds surrounded by chainlink fences with openings that no one seemed to be curious over...

I woke up happy anyway thinking.... hmmm that was bizarre. What was that?

Was I upset that my "pain" was being ignored? No. What stood out to me was the pains that people went to ignore feeling... feeling connected to themselves and feeling beyond themselves.

The covert elevators led to unpleasant places but nothing that I couldn't walk away from... even if I had to lie down and slide to get away. What was remarkable to me was that people were having picnics by the elevators, knew they were there and hoped someone else would do the investigating for them. They were happy within the boundaries placed around them, even though there were gates to step away...

I had a wonka night.

If you see the elevators, take them. They aren't too scary. If you're into amusement parks, it's pretty tame.

JNET

Let's Get Naked

"Craft must have clothes, but truth loves to go naked."

Thomas Fuller

There is a certain sexiness with being brutally honest. Honesty in the nakedness of vulnerability that exposes yet invites, that is.

There's forthright compassionate talk and there's crafty non-talk verbiose talk. One connects and the other has pretense at connecting. It is challenging to go on the buff with your soul everyday. It is not easy all the time, some days you want to keep your "clothes" on and believe that you look stylish or believe that everyone is looking at you and making judgements.

But what would life be like... if you would just let the sun warm you and you be sunshine to others? How naked can you go? What is sexier to you... pursuing with pleasure truth and it's possibilities or pursuing a nakedness that is craftily clothed falsity with its smooth talking charms?

JNET

Manifestation March

I have a "temporary" roommate.

After having rigorously grown my income so that I can enjoy independence and solitude, I came upon an emergency and decided to take in a guest to smooth out the bumpy financial ride.

MOM: "Congratulations, honey on finding a roommate."

JNET: "I didn't want a roommate mom. This is temporary while I get some business in order. Getting a roommate is like putting myself in a stinking nursing home... that's what you do when it's difficult to take care of yourself."

In another conversation, someone told me that a relationship would be better because sharing expenses makes life easier. ICK. ICK. ICK!!!!

Am I the ONLY person hearing the undercurrent message of "living for convenience" here???

Though "co-dependency" is mutually beneficial, I want to be the last in line to cheer for it. I told my new roommate that she had six months to get herself organized and acquainted with her new city. She can learn to fly from a nest that I promise as a safe headquarters to brainstorm but that I didn't want to feel like I was in a relationship where she was scared to go out on her own.

She will learn to fly.... even if it takes kicking her out of the nest. She's ambitious and has a plan. I think she'll be just fine.

I also don't want to get lazy or feel the illusion of "security" through her "convenience". I don't want to teach myself over the next season that I NEED a roommate to survive.

I have also put demands on myself to get creative and in a more powerful position to play this life game. My school of life conversations are centering around growing a more solid business, completing a project and self-publishing, learning how to grow something in the asset column of my baby financial world and thriving in the midst of process.

I just got a "temporary" roommate. March will not be the month that I learn how to be lazy. March is the month I keep on purpose for the next season to manifest dreams that are not about convenience but rather of abundance.

JNET