S, one of my bestfriends, spent the lunch hour with me. He came to say that he was really proud and impressed with my work as a dancer and wondered why I, a musician, was dipping into so many things this year.
I told him that I am not working on "finding my identity" rather that I am working on creating it and that the thing I wanted to pursue was fearlessness.
If I hit D# when I meant D natural do I give myself a hard time? If not, why do I find myself not handling my mistakes on the dance floor as gracefully as I do on the piano?
Choosing to be committed to a dance concert created my game to learn as quickly as possible as much about myself without allowing myself to get stuck for very long in the pursuit of creating art and mastery. But I had moments when I felt like a scaredy cat paralyzed in self-defeating thought.. Thank God that they were only "moments.
And with the concert as a backdrop of what I was up to this year... I see where I fail to create progress in other spaces of my life... places where I am not up to performance level"...
"Performance level"... that's where I want to be in everything... I'm noticing where I sit more like a spectator.. Time to get off the bench and play out loud.
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