My mathematician didn't make it out for a visit today as I hoped. I am slightly disappointed but oh well. I was able to enjoy a nice day without him. My life has a way of happening anyway.
After blogging on building security on towers of conformity, I thought about paralleling it with a topic... to explore my thoughts and see how the tower held up.
Instead of intimidating Nimrod, let's have "loneliness" as the "mighty hunter" that leads the spirit of rebellion.
I was sad to listen to several conversations recently on relationships where people were dating people they KNEW they didn't love and adore... or where people were seeing people where there was an absence of admiration, respect and trust and there was a sense of powerlessness. Luckily I got a balance from friends that are in happier situations as encouraging examples.
To be afraid and openly working through stuff together is distinctively different from hanging on a temporary relationship that "isn't all that bad" and is acceptable because "it will run its due course" and "fade out on its own."
I love you... for now, you'll do. WOW. Or I love you... but not love you love you. I dig you... but you definitely have an expiration date. It seems a bit disrespectful to me... and making for a slow death under the mask of "love" and "relating."
Last week, I had an evening that I wanted to celebrate having some quiet time with myself. I prepared a very nice meal for myself, poured myself a glass of red and sat at the piano with a couple of chocolates while my dinner was cooking. I even lit the candles for myself.
Had I ruthless loneliness ruling my thoughts, I might not be able to enjoy my time alone. I might be compelled to build security by chasing companionship and activity that would become a wash of time passing by... short of satisfaction. And loneliness would perhaps influence my thoughts to make me feel disconnected from God....
I was sad to hear stories of how some pay tribute to loneliness and honor their loneliness with their tributes of towers to build a sense of security, routine, acceptance. A BABE tower of pretense and conformity... Won't that just build more levels of loneliness and pretense?
Ferment loneliness like a bottle of wine, would I pour a spirit of joy when I am with others and with myself?
Is coupling up so glorified that many submit themselves to building false towers that are ghosts of magnificence? How many defenders of false love shall loneliness train in its army?
And so with loneliness follows God throwing a spanner into the works creating confusion.... a gate that may be the possibility of God in separating from the false tower.
JNET
Well, relationships are complicated. It really is a personal decision sometimes to be happy, as opposed to everything being right, or just the way you want it. After all, "just the way you want it" doesn't exist except in small amounts, for short periods of time, or in a context on which you didn't count.
ReplyDeleteI have struggled to "find" happiness in my past relationships, and there were times that I made up my mind that I was happy, only to be derailed by circumstances inconsistent with being honored, respected, and built up rather than torn down. Then I decided to not be happy and to change my situation.
Is it lonely sometimes? Of course it can be. But there is a freedom in being in that space that cannot be found anywhere else. I am so independent, that many times I wonder if being single and only marginally involved with someone is the easiest way to live. At least until someone comes along that fascinates me to the point that I want to be "inside" that person in every way--physically, emotionally, intellectually. Along with that comes the desire to have that person want me in the same way.
But the marginal involvement can take many forms, and always results in learning something new, whether it's about the other person, about life, or even about myself. Everyone has something to offer, and it doesn't always have to be pleasant. There is much to be experienced, appreciated, and learned in the unpleasant and the painful.
I find myself seeking not only higher aspirations, but the lowest of aspirations, as well, in the quest for life experience at both ends of the spectrum. Any relationship, good, bad, uplifting, or depressing, will hold in itself tremendous opportunities for experience and personal growth. After all, is it possible to find a favorite or an ideal without first sampling all that is offered?