SPEECH: Visualize Forgiveness

Sometimes I am so terrible with visualization exercises.

Despite several happy and successful past experiences at conferences and seminars, I am sometimes the girl that gets lost and falls off the visualization exercise trail.

(Prop 1)

I would be there... in my head... concentrating on the exercise... going through the landscapes in my mind... exploring how I might rub against my subconscious mind and then viola....

I'd miss a turn.

(Take off prop 1)

What was that word he said? Did he say stage or page?

It's not like you can interrupt and ask them to repeat themselves. Mind you, this is not a 2 minute skip through a garden type of exercise. It's more like a 20 minute hike across the grand canyon of focus.

And so, I would find myself off track because I missed a direction. I would be bumbling about in my head, trying to find that quiet place. But then find myself distracted and amused that a few individuals really got comfy in their quiet place and have started snoring.

Good evening Toastmasters and Honored Guests, tonight I will share what happened on a particular day when I didn't get lost during a visualization exercise. My name is JNET, and I present to you project number six from the competent communicator manual, titled "Visualize Forgiveness."

I was at the Wiltern Theater on a Sunday morning. It was a full house... so full that they didn't know where to seat me except at the front VIP section.

There I stood, eyes closed while I travelled through the ravines of my mind. The speaker asked that I bring upon the "stage" the various people that I had come to know. I don't know how long I dug in my memory. It was long enough to give me a sense that I was having a spree going through my mind. My thoughts were spinning. It felt torrential yet peaceful at the same time.

I grew my stage. Every family member, friend from childhood to the present time, crush, love, failed friendship, kind neighbor, teacher, mentor found a space on the stage.

And I was awed at the collage of people that made a mark upon my life... People that have given me joy, people that have disappointed me, people that made me laugh, people that made me cry.

I was no longer in the Wiltern. I was in this space called memory where I was directed to ask the question of those on stage if they stood for my personal evolution and personal journey. I had to ask each person and every person on that stage.

(Prop 2)

JNET: "Do you stand for my personal evolution and personal journey?"

ABC: "Yes."

JNET: "Do you stand for my personal evolution and personal journey?"

XYZ: "Yes."

JNET: "Do you stand for my personal evolution and personal journey?"

123: "Yes."

With each "yes" I became present to the power and delicateness of being human. Each "yes" excused the person from the stage and gradually I emptied that stage and became present to love.

But the best part had not yet come.

I was then asked to bring everyone back onstage and see the web that connected us. I saw them and the party of string that circuited between all of us. The collage of people floated like a dream.

I was then coached to sever the strings and set everyone free to move on to their own journey. And quickly I emptied that stage and all that remained was the litter of strings. I stood before a scene that I can only describe as devastating.

(Pull away Prop 2) I don't know how long I stood in the center of that quiet chaos. Slowly, pieces of the disarray faded away. To the right, the silly string blurs and fades into a black. This repeats to the left, above me, below me.. Blurring and a fading away to a darkness that is celestial.

In that final celestial darkness, a feather floated down and surprised me. One solitary, bright, white feather.

(Prop 3)

And I got what is was to visualize forgiveness.

Visualize forgiveness.

Thank you Fellow Toastmasters and Honored Guests.

JNET

RECIPE: Red Velvet Cupcakes

R: "Do not wear anything when making red velvet. You will ruin your clothes."

I've ruined my red velvets several times and though the red batter is intimidating when mixing, I've never ruined my clothes.

Despite mini disasters along the way, I pressed on with my fascination to bake a red velvet worthy of celebrating with friends.

I think it is fair to say that this will be an easy and dramatic crowd pleaser. I am not a "baker". I've made cakes that can do damage. I've baked bricks!

But the following recipe is what eventually succeeded in making everyone happy as well as this geek goddess.... inspiring someone who usually writes about art and life to write about... baking.

Put on the red apron... just in case.

DRY INGREDIENTS FIRST IN A BIG BOWL...

2 1/2 cups all - purpose flour
1/4 cup cocoa powder
3 tblsp corn starch
1 tsp salt

CREAM THESE INGREDIENTS IN A SEPARATE MEDIUM BOWL....

1 1/2 cups sugar
1 cup vegetable oil
1 cup buttermilk (room temperature)
2 large eggs (room temperature)
2 oz red food coloring
1 tsp vanilla extract

MY FAVORITE PART: Playing mad scientist ;)

Activate and add from a separate spoon BEFORE adding to wet ingredients...

1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp white distilled vinegar

Combine wet and dry ingredients. Mix well.

This recipe bakes about 18 cupcakes. I bake it at/around 300, 325, 350.

I told you I wasn't much of a baker. I check the cupcakes at 20 minutes. If they toothpick test well, I take the cupcakes out to cool and put them back in to bake an additional 10 minutes. They come out with a delicately crunchy top and are moist inside. This recipe is for someone who likes sweet but on a lighter note. It may seem that you are creaming a lot of sugar. It's not.

If you want to have more fun. I've melted chocolate bits into the center of each cupcake or added 2 oz of a caramel liquor for "flair." I'm sure you'll have your own ideas to play with. I've frosted and decorated with berries, with candies and chocolate shavings...

CREAM CHEESE FROSTING

according to personal taste

whipped cream cheese
butter
confectionary sugar

Enjoy! Let me know how your cupcakes come out.

JNET

SPEECH: Featherweights

My mother is the church lady; specifically, the Catholic.... church lady. And though I have had my respective rebellions with her, I adore her. She is a sweetheart and she will give you a rosary as a gift before saying goodbye.

And before our goodbyes are complete, she will remind me to pray to my guardian angel. To which, I reply,

"I don't have a guardian angel mom. I have a league of angels."

Good Evening, Madame President, Fellow Toastmasters and Honored Guests. Have you ever said hello to your league of angels? Tonight, I present project number five of the competent communicator manual, titled "Featherweights", sponsored by Gucci, Greyhound and Amtrak.

When I turned 16, my mother gave me a new watch. She has this thing about getting me timepieces at recognized milestones. I have a watch for my first day in kindergarten and a watch for college graduation. Aren't moms great? They come up with the best gift ideas.

So you can guess my reaction when I forgot my sweet 16 gift in the piano room and didn't remember it til after rehearsal... after several hours. I was a wreck.

I ran to the practice room. Nothing. I had taken it off to practice and had ran off to class without it and it was now gone.

Mind you, I had lost my physics book the day before and I have a mother that goes through the list. Your mother may have a similar list. The list of "things you have lost". I went through the motions of checking it with the music department head.

"Has anyone turned in a gold watch?"

"No."

This was duplicated at the school's security office and the lost and found department. I wrote out my details and returned to the piano room to cry. I was going to have to go home and tell my mother that I had lost my watch. I LOVED that watch more than my physics book, more than my senior class ring, more than the countless partners of earrings that are solo. It was gone and I was going to have to go through another speech. Those speeches didn't exactly engender closeness between my mom and I.

My mother and I are going to fight about stuff, I thought? Again? My thoughts were racing. I hate fighting. I'd rather die.

And that's when I woke up. It was a watch. A watch! And this list my mom had was choking me. I lost a watch my mother gave for my 16th birthday which I loved and I was going to have to tell her that I lost it. That's it. I had to tell my mom to drop the list because it was doing my head in. I didn't want "stuff" to affect our relationship. I didn't want to be afraid of gifts from there on.

And so I prayed and wrote my note to put up in the practice room hallway...

"LOST: Gold watch, if found, please return at Professor Russell's office."

I didn't have a chance to put it on the wall. While I was writing, someone wrote and posted a note in the hallway,

"FOUND: Gold watch, please go to the school office."

The last time I lost that watch it took a couple of months to find me. I lost it at the end of the D line.. the green line train to Newton which also doubles as the Greyhound station. By the time I had realized that I didn't have my watch on me, I was already in Cambridge to work for the day.

"You lost your gold watch at the train station? Forget it. You'll never see it again."

I got a lot of condolences and reality talks. That didn't stop me from posting up signs about my watch and talking to the desk person at Greyhound. Days passed and turned into weeks and further yet. I finally received a call on Thanksgiving morning.

"Yeah, I'm calling about your watch. I had found it sitting on top of the subway fare machine. I want to leave it for you but I don't want to leave it with anyone at the station. I'm going to put it in a blank package and leave it with the person at the desk. Can you be there within the half hour to pick it up?"

I retrieved my watch from a shocked desk clerk at the station. I came home with that watch for Thanksgiving.

It was a watch. That's why I got it. Right? Everyone has something they are sentimental over and if you put a sign up and say a prayer. You'll get it back.

Yes?

I recently was at the Amtrak station in Glendale on a Friday night. They don't sell tickets there. I bought my ticket to San Diego from Union Station a couple of days prior in planning a trip to my niece's birthday. Due to technical issues the trains were delayed and a group of us decided to take a cab to Union Station to catch the next train there.

In the scramble, I lost my ticket. The fellows who took the cab with me searched the path I walked from the taxi drop to the Amtrak desk and according to Amtrak policy, you have to produce a ticket to receive a refund. What a pain. I bought a second pair of business class tickets. That's another $100. I made peace with the inconvenience and figured that people have bigger losses in Vegas. Any bet placed on my niece is a winner.

You can imagine my surprise when stepping down from my return train hearing a voice call out my name. In what amounted to a blur of a moment, someone put my lost tickets into my hand and walked away.

So I have guardian angels... a league of them.

But I don't think angels are there to fix things. I think they are there to cheer you on to making decisions and confirm that things are perfect. My mother no longer gets wound up over lost things. The imaginary wedge between her and I over stuff was lifted when I made a decision to face her and tell her I didn't want material things to sit between us. Is there an angel of lost tickets and watches?

No, but I think there are some angels that teach goodness comes from nameless faces. Maybe you have similar stories.

Maybe it was you who was my featherweight champion? Hello :) then and thank you.

Thank you, Madame President, Fellow Toastmasters and Honored Guests.


JNET