I wish I could say that I didn't know violence.
But I do.
I wish I could say that I didn't know what it felt like to be dead and soul=less.
But I know what it is to rebuild from that black forboding darkness.
I wish I could say that I didn't have any dark secrets and that my life has been idyllic from the very beginning.
But that is not so.
S uncovered a blind spot unwittingly in a passing comment about me. I was profoundly moved by it and have since fluctuated between indifference and shock these past couple of days. His words came about so gently, so honestly, so softly, and pointedly.
I found private moments in which I had to weep.
He gave me a key to the past and when I opened the box, I found lost scores. And when I laid my eyes upon them, I couldn't stop the music from playing in my head.
I realized the secret song had been playing all along and I was a puppet dancing unaware of the strings about me; unaware.
How do I break free from the puppet master? Will I ever be free?
I thought I was free.
There are certain events that profoundly affect our lives Lady J. It sounds like things are really tough right now, but remember that strength will always overcome pain and time and structured sole-searching is perhaps the only thing that could resolve intimate memories of yesteryear. Remember, I think of your often...
ReplyDeletesomeone once told me that we spend all of our adult years (until death) recovering from our childhood. if we endure anything traumatizing during our adult years, but had had a strong upbringing, we usually recover. it is sad that the one time in our lives where everything is in someone else's hands we have no say.
ReplyDeletethere is a fine line between drawing strength and life lessons from the things that have hurt us, and having the things that have hurt us control us in our lives.
embrace your pains as they resurface from within you. they will come back from time to time. what you choose to do with old aches and pains is up to you, but see it as an opportunity to make some inner changes - perhaps one day they will stop coming up at all together!