I Don't Slouch

A and I went to Santa Barbara the other day to spend the afternoon. It was a gorgeous convertible day and we were up for an adventure of little boutiques, new friends and margaritas.

It didn't take long to make a couple of friends. We parked up the car off Cabrillo and went for a walk along the beach when R. (mr. cute santa barbara) said hello from sitting at a cafe. We said hello and kept walking. A moment later he was walking beside A and I, introducing himself and inviting us to join him and his cousin. We decided that they were friendly enough to begin our Santa Barbara adventure.

They were good company. A had a great time and I had a different good time. She saw two easy going guys that were good to talk to. For some reason I thought it was work and I had to navigate through certain conversations to keep things in check. Maybe I think too much.

They were working too hard to be gentlemen.

I like boldness but the lack of subtlety on their part was interesting. Their way of establishing who was alpha and at the expense of the other was something worth commenting on. I told G. that he was being naughty to his cousin R. with his style of humor and that caught him offguard. He had to think about that for a moment and then he laughed at himself. R. was younger and reminded me of Pooh Bear.. I think Pooh Bear would've been less awkward if he didn't have his cousin there. Pooh Bear was trying to exercise some of the alpha lessons he had been taught with less finesse. He even used the same scripts.

G had his moments of frustrations over R. R was content and easy going and had no agenda whereas his older cousin did. G. was so focused of a goal that learning my name was a distraction. Poor R. Pooh Bear R. was sweet but I think his older cousin does him no justice with his "guidance." It was interesting conversation while it lasted and I think the most fascinating comment they made was that I had good posture and sat like a lady. I seemed like a person from another world with the way I sat. Maybe sitting upright gave me the vantage point that I had.

A and I were able to excuse ourselves and continue with the rest of our Santa Barbara adventure. We found a cafe to do people watching and had our margarita. We had a walk along the beach, took some pictures and then drove home.

JNET

POEM: Wings of Imagination

my grumblings and rumblings
are of nothings and somethings
of sometimes impertinent things

i meander to be mindful
of wonderings insightful
inviting imagination to take wing

always thinking mostly dreaming
sailing rivers of thoughts streaming
entertaining fanciful adventures with wise kings

feelings waves of emotion
swimming with passionate notions
to a moment to cry and then to sing

skipping stones across lakes of tears
playing tag with mischievious fears
floating joy to the sky on a string

i meander always mindful
of wonderings insightful
inviting imagination to take wing
on a river of thoughts streaming
a moment sad to a season singing
floating joy to the sky on a string

Copyright ©2005 J. R. Hollyday

POEM: Path To Your Heart

Lost your way
From the path to your heart?
The bend is just 'round the corner
To a road that says restart

The place where you stand
With your quiet lonely joy
Is a perfect place to learn
The path to a man is from a boy

Because the way to happiness
Cannot bypass the highway of sadness
The tolls paid on your roads of gray
Leads to future bridges of gladness

From your poverty
You'll share your treasure
The seasons of trouble
Transforms into pleasure

To get where you wish
It's silly to expect you'll come to it where you stand
To go somewhere you have to move
Get lost! Make mistakes!
It's part of the action plan

Lost your way
From the path to your heart?
The bend is just 'round the corner
To a road that says restart

Copyright ©2005 J. R. Hollyday

Sitting in the Blah-ness

I woke up at 6:30am. I stayed at the Hilton with mom. We chatted and had a good laugh until very late and then woke up to go hiking at Runyon Canyon.

It was a beautiful day for a walk. I had mom and one of my best friends to enjoy a very vigorous hike up a mountain. We had wanted to walk and talk out a couple of our goals and thoughts and came down inspired to press on with our respective projects.

It was a family day; a birthday party, loads of conversation, laughs, music....

I'm now into my writing hour and sitting with myself, I still have that nagging blah-ness that has been announcing itself at louder volumes lately.

I've been going for it... since I don't experience blah acutely very often, I have been enthusiastic to take the dive and see what pretty pearls I can come up with from the deep and curious.

I wrote "Chiaroscuro" to distinguish distinctions of character of two on-going conversations I am having with two important people in my life. Maybe I like the challenge... I would like to create something really great with both people and the demands of honesty and friendship are a lot more vigorous here than black and white straight ahead relationships. I am taking on the shades of gray. I distrust one because of history and I trust the other because of choice. (I see also that distrust is a choice) I am aware that I can get myself carried away with any second guessing and insecurities.

I sit at a balance where "something wonderful" is available under my fingertips. But can I translate it into my life? It's like picking a beautiful composition I'd like to pursue to play as a masterpiece.. How shall I play my life?

Do I have the patience to make the mistakes in exchange for learning to listen to its development? What facility do I have to create expressiveness and freedom and beauty in light of possible conflict and misunderstanding? Can I be focused and disciplined and manage my own internal dramas so not to undermine myself?

The shades of gray are lending the opportunity to practice... to practice mastery and not failure is the choice and so therefore... i sit in the blah-ness of life.

Blah happens... and it is a good thing...

JNET

POEM: Chiaroscuro

I have a vision to paint the shades of a shadow
Meeting the light of day
A moon gloating upon a hill
On borrowed majestic glory
A dissonant echo to sunshine ways

I have a vision to paint the shades of a shadow
Tempting with shrewd flair
Wearing a broad smile over a scheme
Light reveals the seams and places
Shadow's obscurity under glare

I have a vision to paint the shades of a shadow
Sketching promises in the dark
Driven by dim perspective unable
To see the light that is the spark of me


Copyright ©2005 J. R. Hollyday

POEM: Wishful Notion

I spent the evening under eyes of admiration
And noticed the shadow of dark thoughts
Where ideas were driven through imaginary boundaries;
The gaze of fear there I caught.

Lively conversation and passionate pretense plotting towards a prize kiss.
Torn between games of positioning reality
To strategize or sacrifice to exist

A position to choose is decidedly denounced
In exchange for the currency of chance
Loose change unpredictably flirts for things unplanned and
Schedules for hopeful romance

Angles of beauty with truth dazzling in distortion
Words unsaid; thoughts stretched out of proportion
Weakness weighed in wishful notions
Expecting Love to answer the call of your devotion

Enslaved, enchanted, empowered
Do I hear the voice of a king or coward?


Copyright ©2005 J. R. Hollyday