My life is one huge buzz of activity. If I am not moving then my brain is and unfortunately at this moment... my brain is not being agreeable for the tasks at hand.
It's been a good week. It's been a stressful week. I had lots of time being social and with friends.
And I had lots of moments missing being with a certain someone and now I have a headache.
Thank you, sir, for being my headache. I miss you. Piss off.
Emotions are funny little babies.
Academia has swallowed up my sweetie pie. Since I know he's out dragon slaying for the almighty double delight of degrees, this princess is minding her own kingdom. It just would be nice to have the prince stop by for a bit of tea and say "good going, woman"... take me in his arms for that lift off and fly hug and enjoy being alive and in the same place.
Not so... He's slaying a really big, big dragon. I'll let him alone to enjoy the carnage.
I just don't like missing. I've never missed anyone and am surprised to find that I can be sentimental. And more terrifying yet is that he is still around despite me. I'm not your typical cute, fun girl that likes to hold hands, go to the movies, dinner, dancing and play mindless kissy face all day long playing tennis conversation of "no... what would YOU like to do... what would you like do... no , what would you like to do"
I think I enjoy peace of mind in being busy with my thing...
Lately, he's been initiating "we" stuff that sends my brain over the other side into places I've never been before. I'm not sure how to navigate.
He's disappeared into his work for now and I'm glad to disappear into mine.. The "we" stuff is sitting on the stove... should I be doing something with it? should I stir it? should I add some salt and pepper?
How people manage to fall in love or date regularly is beyond my comprehension... this unfamiliar flutter of emotion is bewildering. I feel compelled to bury it and run... write a poetic eulogy and walk away...develop a strange case of selective amnesia... wake up, smile, think... "that was a nice dream"... sigh and live my life and leave love and romance for the rest of the human race.... everyone seems to be chasing it where I've been living to steer clear of the drama of it.
But I don't walk away.
And every time I hear classical guitar music; I've moved to tears. I don't just think that it's beautiful music... I think of him. When I have a stinking cookie!! I think of him... because he's a cookie guy and I'm a cookie girl. He doesn't seem to fade into the background of my life... instead he becomes a source of inspiration as well as neurosis.
And he's always so easy going and affectionate. We once watched a movie on my computer that kept on being interrupted every few minutes due to a faulty cord that wasn't charging the computer very well and he didn't get impatient or upset at all. It was one of my favorite movies and he got into it that he wanted to finish watching it too despite the interruptions. We even watched the special features! Do you know how many times we had to let go of each other and get all comfy all over again? Lots.
He has the patience of a saint. I suppose he'll need it with me.
JNET
