You might have just as well put me away into a box... a metallic ugly box...
My perspective of myself needed alignment, afterall, they were JUST braces. And though I wore them for only 10 months and suffered very little physical discomfort compared to my teen counterparts, my vanity was in pain. I was a grown adult in ortho anti-fashion; braces.
Some days I managed to keep my cool cute. Most days I fought with myself for being so shallow.
They finally came off, two days before my birthday, just in time to celebrate and not be self conscious of a metallic smile. But I fluctuate in battling habit and unconsciously smile awkwardly under phantom braces. I'm bouncing between the space of shy and not shy.
If only I was as accepting as my friends and family of my metal stage than I was of myself. Hip Los Angeles doesn't exactly embrace the extra bling. My friends did their best at encouraging me and their words made them less "visible" as I forgot them while being distracted in the moment.
I beat myself up in my vanities despite compliments and encouragements. The braces are gone but I can see that I am still beating myself up over imperfectations I wish I could remedy faster at a yoga class or through a vitamin. It's nonsense. But its true nonetheless that what I see in the mirror is different from what everyone seems to be looking at.
I'd like to break out of this box someday. My metal dimension has melted into the past and I am now aware of my self-critical eye.
JNET
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