It's Friday and I feel a bit wiped out. A busy weekend stands before me and all I can think about is how to power relax and deal with an overwhelming sense of feeling a bit blue despite my red dress disposition.
So much to look forward to this weekend... Like every weekend, I have commitments. Last time a shooting class at the firing range.. this time a fighting class to check out Krav Maga... then straight to a salon to follow a model and take pictures before going on set in Whittier. Meanwhile, I have a friend visiting from Florida... socializing and fun times will stretch into the late evening and spill on to Sunday.
Sunday, I plan to make it to church. I need a dose of amen because though I have so many fun things that fill my day including my teaching practice through out the week and three midnight podcasts to host over the week, I've been feeling flat and a shade of indigo.
I seem to have booked my self into a space where I have to rigorously own my quiet times in a minute corner from activity and I learned something really interesting this week during a downstream glide down my downward spiral...
I'm paying the cost of restlessness and painting myself different shades of blue...
You would think that affording time to be alone engenders peacefulness... Who out there longs for quiet, or solitude, or having less obligation taking over personal time? I enjoy the luxury of solitude but time alone is not always time spent well.
Am I missing something these past couple of weeks, having spent many late nights with friends celebrating and extending my birthday celebration? Late nights are not a rare thing for me, I noticed that my moods have been feeling tried and compromised lately, that I began wondering and wandering into my restlessness.
If I am not missing something than perhaps I have something different going on that is draining me of my pep and bubble. So many thoughts to consider... I let myself go rampant.
You might as well put weights in my shoes.. I tried on many thoughts. I went through the "something is wrong with me and my life" conversation... to the "what ought I be thinking about so that I can make some modifications in my life"... to "I missed spending more time with myself to practice or write blues"...to... remembering that I had been dealing with allergies and living a zombie evening existence on allergy medicine.... And "maybe I'm sick and tired and need a vacation"...
I finally arrived to.....
"wow... so this is what happens when you have a busy lifestyle and you stop going to yoga class"... I haven't gone to class in a couple of weeks. I usually go three times a week. Thankfully, I stopped beating myself up and ruminating on things to find wrong with myself or my life... I made a decision: I am to get myself to a yoga class.
Imagine if I never got to the yoga argument and was not able to forgive myself... My restless meandering thoughts could've gotten stuck in a nasty ditch. Somewhere within my week, I became aware that I didn't feel happy and energetic and sought to pull myself together, at first for my work and then for my friends whose company dots my schedule.
Last night, I considered taking a nap... 10 minutes before my podcast was meant to be aired but showed up anyway. I opted to not share my terribly taxing thoughts with my friends. I've moved forward but will marinate a few thoughts before I do anything rash.
Until then.... must get to yoga class...
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