Was That Christmas That Zipped Right By?

It is DAY THREE of my time away from Los Angeles and I am still working on unwinding.

Before leaving LA, I was living the mad dash to get things "wrapped up". So was everyone else. Way too many of the parents of my students missed their regular appointments and asked that I make up their missed lesson. I didn't see why I owed them a lesson for missing their own commitments but had no wish to create a rift to end the year... and so I skipped eating all together and lived on coffee to spend what little personal time I had to "make up" lessons while fitting in rehearsals and completing projects and wrapping gifts to prepare to leave town to visit my family for a week.

I didn't have any sleep for over 36 straight hours and I lost a lot of weight. On the couple days that I did get some sleep, I only got 5 hours and then I was working again.... or waiting... and wondering where my students were as I arrived to empty homes and studios.

"But we paid for the lesson and you owe us a lesson!"

JNET: "I kept my appointed time with you...."

I will be preparing another list of students (parents) who can study with another teacher. It seems to be the only way to create some sort of stability in my life.

I'm working on teaching my students about practicing and creating art. Learning music takes commitment, practicing discipline and time management. Being an artist is about being fully expressed and growing a sensitivity to listening in order to create. And paying attention to get mastery over technique is key to growing as an artist at the piano bench and at life.

There are notes, there is technique facility to practice, there are dynamic and tempo marks to consider.... there are a lot of things to look at... and care about.

You can't just care about the notes but let your fingers stumble and say that time doesn't matter.

It's a losing war if I have to battle parents to create the environment to learn.

I might as well be a juke box.

And that's what I felt reduced to as I chugged down coffee and pushed myself to catch senseless mistakes that I didn't feel were mine to catch. I couldn't believe the deaf ears that I met when I pointed the obviousness of their mistake in time management and the unfairness that I had to pay for it.

But I suppose we all do that sometimes... make mistakes... and refuse to hear reminder of it and hope that someone else sucks it up for us and makes it disappear so that we can continue skipping on with our lives.

Christmas came and went and I felt I had to fight intensely to claim my own happiness as tornadoes of chaos rolled around me. I hope to find my center within the next 24 hours.... thinking of the students and parents that are a pleasure in my life helps connect me back to loving my lifework... The thorns of disregard from a few are nothing in comparison... They will be searching to study with someone else within the next couple of months.

Diplomacy makes sense only in a fair environment... Who balances happiness on precarious structures and hopes that others will make it work for them? What is the point of creating boundaries and structures and not letting them work and create stability?

The world is crazy especially during this last month... and I don't care to make that world my world.

Jnetsworld.... in recovery...

JNET