If Bliss is a Beach Then You Are a Tsunami

I'm having a glorious December despite a few splashes. Splashes that are being labeled as intentional jabs of affection that leave me feeling cold, drained and exhausted. After a while I start to see a certain rhythm and pattern in the waves... or SCRIPT from my Hollyweird personalities in my life.

I make the distinction to not call them friends.

I adore my friends and have been spending loads of time with them. I even have a favorite guy that I am enjoying attentions from. I've dedicated my last month of podcast to fighting the holiday blues and challenges of this frantic and dynamic last month and have been enjoying having my family calling in to discuss fellow negativity slaying strategy. (Yes, I come from a clan of skilled lemonade makers, bridge builders and negativity slayers.) We are also bomb diffusers.

Those close to my heart experience me in a way that makes me think that we have the same dream and vision for the world.

Life is a prayer, a meditation... and life is an unfolding of prayers and dreams coming true.

But I share my planet, my city, my world, and certain aspects of my life with people who are not on the same level with me. They are very QUICK to say so. They are very QUICK to take "affectionate jabs" at me. I listen.... They are "butter knife" killers.... They hit bluntly, intentionally and say that they are harmless. A common line I hear is that I don't have a sense of humor. Another one is that I am a depressed person and that I don't know it (never mind that I am having a load of fun and that I have no shortage of friends and family anxious to enjoy my company.)

Even that simple statement from their own voice should give them a clue that MAYBE, their words are not being received nor given in a spirit of love. What "friend" tells another friend to prove that their life is happy? What friend condemns another as depressed instead of doing their best to raising their spirits?

I listen.

And I hear worlds in between the lines.

And then I consider RG, whose daughter I teach in Beverly Hills. He is a retired attorney and has the game of sarcasm down to an artform that I can appreciate. His own friends say that RG is OFFENSIVE but that he has a good heart... that he has the most UN - PC mouth but that he means well. I do get that he has a good heart, is very supportive and the bile that shoots from his mouth is strangely sugar-coated with stars and sparkles. I've also noticed that RG has modified his playful language with me. I play a different game and he got it right away. He's not on auto-pilot. He's awake and playing in the dimensions that he shares with others. And because we are present to respect and support, our adaptations of our selves to one another makes us happy observers and participants.

It is possible to be present to love and patience in the space of clever jabs.

I have been subject to very UNCLEVER JABS unfortunately. And being forthright hasn't made matters understood nor compassionate in all the cases. I am told that I have no sense of humor.... or that I am stupidly naive.... or that I deserve it and that I need to tell people to FUCK OFF more often.

Funny, I never have to go through such extremes to communicate with my family and friends. Maybe I'm spoiled. I actually have a world where communication is made very clear; being forthright is NORMAL and not the exception... and things withheld are done so mindfully for appropriate times. Timing is everything... it's a skill.. so is listening and so is connecting and relating.

I have patience but I am not a theme park to have fun at my expense. People are not amusement parks to take reign over nor are they mere landfill dumps to throw away one's trash upon.

It is true, I suppose, that I am not on the same level. I don't have an annual pass to jab a friend as a fun house, nor do I carry a dumping permit. These jabbers have a very expensive life. Heck, if an annual pass to Disneyland is at least 300 bucks...

Unfortunately, I am not banking out like Disney. I am hopeful that my forthrightfullness will pay off in the future. I know I've enjoyed transformed friendships after certain tsunamis. To avoid the splashes, I disappear for a while to recover. The expense costs me creative time to think or write... and practice and teach music and enjoy the zone at top speed. I don't enjoy being weighted down by petty gouges.... OH, SORRY, I forget to laugh... that's me... MISSING the humor.

I'll be fine. These splashes make me realize who really connects with me and who's really in my world... and that is a pretty good piece of estate. Emily Dickinson wrote that her friends were her estate. With that, I feel like I have it all and that from here life is just more fun and going up the levels.

Life splashes... I'm relocating to the hills to avoid the tsunamis.... I can manage little splashes.

I have a world of friends waiting with warm fuzzy towels.