Adoring Albeniz

by NebulaskiN.

I planned on spending the weekend with Albeniz. I wanted to dig into Evocacion, a difficult piece that would demand that my head, heart and soul connect together... something that I have not had together in harmony for a while.

I began memorizing Cordoba as well and it felt good to feel it.

I adore Albeniz's music because it makes me think of the mathematician. It is what he plays for me on his guitar when I am with him as well as his own compositions.

If what we believe about the multi-dimensions of reality is true, then I want to believe that when I play Albeniz; the universe will tell him that I am saying hello to him. I don't know if it's romantic rubbish. I just know how he is and all I can do is trust it as he disappears into his work. Does he hear me in the subleties of his silent moments and thinks of me?

Meanwhile life has given me one heck of a road to travel and the lessons are challenging. Freedom and free will is quite a gift and I wonder how I might best navigate with the choices and take on the lessons with integrity.

I bring all things side to side to my defintions of truth and love and in the light of it I am looking for what makes me see God in the face of Life. I'm looking for that divine smile that I can feel in my soul. I know those moments of bliss, they teach me how wonderful life is and that i am never alone.

Sometimes it is not easy to see God's face in the path. I've been in a box trapped with my fears and insecurities. Welcome to the real world! God is for children and weak-minded adults! Get with the program, life is dirty and cold!

Welcome to the real world?

But that is only one strand of reality... and not a very powerful one to want to keep up in the game of life.

If I spend a day listening to Albeniz, Bach, Rachmaninoff, I only hear divine genius and it is enough for me to believe in heavenly realms. And that is another strand of reality; the beauty of genius.

And then I know life is also absolutely empty and meaningless and that it is I that is the definer and creator of my world. Welcome to MY world where notes, words, images, numbers are passcodes opening secret doors. Thinking, critical mass, opinions of reality, string theory, sophrosyne, conversations about God and Now, tipping points onto realms of heaven, love and devotion is the language of my kingdom.

I felt graced this weekend in resolving to connect to "higher power". From my silence and brokenness, my voice was heard and friends spontaneouly showed up at my door to say hellos and say that they missed me and wanted to share some time together.

It was a good time between Albeniz and friends. I was able to share not from tiredness and frustration... rather from a place where I felt like a ruler of my life again.