My Rebellion

This week I took an interesting detour from the everydayness of what was so...

Doing so made me present to new thoughts. I found myself on the edge of the world and I found it too cold and that I needed a jacket. The company of a good friend made the adventure worthy.

I got upset and I found an interesting road to take...

"Anyone can become angry - that is easy....

But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time,
for the right purpose,
and in the right way - this is not easy."

Aristotle

I was upset with myself on several things... and I was very sad on several things

and yet I knew my life was still very exciting and beautiful... For a little while the dark unknown became like a vaccuum and if I had allowed it, I might've given power over the life I love.

But I got that the common denominator in all the ongoing things of my life is ME. I had a choice to go with the wave of life, I had a choice to ask life if it really was a wave, I had a choice to give no meaning to waves.

I chose to go with all of them and that made for some interesting paradigm shifts to be available...and I became present to joy, lonliness, confusion and understanding...To say the least, my head has been going through some fireworks - celebrating a sort of independence day.

I found myself angry, because I had some unsaid things that I hadn't addressed.. and some things that I didn't realize wanted to be addressed. Sitting with these realizations made me anxious, confused, distracted...

conversations were begged in the spaces.

I didn't get the things I wanted completed this past week.

I didn't complete my bible study homework and I missed my class for the first time.

I got off my train of thought and writing projects waited on my desk.

I didn't let go of a student that I had prepared to drop.

I didn't announce the end of my commitments with organizations I chose to get involve with for the year.

I didn't decorate the tree that's been sitting in my living room since Monday.

I didn't break things off with the mathematician.

I chose to continue my "bowling game.

Darn,

And the Christmas cards will have to wait.

The detour was worth it and though life is still the same somewhat....it is also profoundly different.

It's like being five years old again, I told A. last night... everything is so exciting and interesting as we listen intently for the flutter of mystical wings.

Sometimes in meeting with one's rebellion, one finds freedom... and the key to freedom I found was hanging around my wrist the whole time...

proverbially..

"You can't depend on your eyes, when your imagination is out of focus."

Mark Twain

"The mystery of life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced."

Aart Van Der Leeuw