POEM: The Curves of A Cloud

i gave myself up today and found that i loved being revealing
in naked vulnerable strength
and i mused over my given biology and conditioning
actually, i daydreamed at great length
over the mechanical process
of being stifled by modern inventions
of constraining thought
a force giving me angles of domineering edge
suffocating the softness, leveling the curves of a cloud

finally hearing my soul sing out loud with quiet color
a cheerful sweep of sequential thought
i notate my thoughts of flourished moments
over why i am, why i'm not and why not

Copyright ©2005 J. R. Hollyday


It's great being a girl. It's hard being a girl..

To live powerfully and yet not relinquish grace is difficult in a world that looks at femininity as weakness, meekness, emotional and naive. What I am learning from dance is grace, control, strength, beauty and clear self-expression. I am also learning a lot about anatomy, endurance and humility.

I struggled thinking of someone I know as a girl... She lacked girlishness having the demeanor of a football player. Imagine a swearing sailor that spoke with the tone of Tinker Bell. It's a bit of a mind puzzle and I felt confused and guilty that I struggle with relating to her. And then womanly wouldn't fit either. My vision of someone womanly is someone who is mature, sexy, confident, nurturing and articulate. Since I couldn't think of her as a girl nor a woman, all I could come up with was barmaid...

What an awful thought. I think she must have given up being a girl somewhere in high school. And I see degrees of resigning the feminine side in order to be an all-american standard bulldozing tough chick in myself and my friends. I know a girl who calls everyone "Dude".... and she sometimes presents herself as someone with bigger balls than her man. I know another girl who talks to her male friends down as if they are children in a pseudo mother-from-hell-mother-knows-best tone.

Machines with breasts whose humanity has been compromised by who knows what are taking over the world. Forget the robots and AI overwhelming humanity. The curves of the clouds are turning angular. Patience, subltety, refinement, grace, discernment are qualities of power that is becoming scarce...

Maybe it's obsolete and out-dated and guys love the barmaid, tough as nails, sexy chick who is part-man and part cowgirl who shoots and spits straight.

I'm finding myself wanting to be alone than hang out with girlfriends because it's not fun being part of a trash session of why-the-world-is-not-fair-that-life-really-SUCKS. Stories can be entertaining sometimes but when the game of life starts to seem like a wrestling match rather than a dance, a song... I choose silence, solitude, putting my head in a saner place than participate in a session of impatient ranting.

A world where listening diminishes, where encouragement is like finding flowers in a desert. It's a tough world but I hope to never lose the curves a cloud that bring a bit of respite to a crazy world.

JNET