Broken Glasses Episode II

I haven't a spare and so I am teaching with my sunglasses on. I tell the students that I am a movie star this week. They broke last March and again this past weekend... after having a demanding week.

I have 4 new students... I had a birthday that is still being celebrated with lunches and dinners here and there to catch up with friends. I had lunch with C.... the EX. That was interesting... name the emotion.... I had them all this week.

This weekend, I finally saw E after 3 weeks of busy life in the way. He sang "Happy Birthday" in Turkish. N and I created a garden fairy project and A is teaching me how to make jewelry in exchange for piano lessons.

Despite playing movie star, everyone is more patient with me than I am with them or myself. Mom and I are planning to go to the Bay area in a week or so to visit family and see about Lasik surgery (a relative works at a Lasik center)...

I've had so much up with life that I am overwhelmed. I am writing so little because I hadn't the patience.... I wondered if this is what an old person feels like....

Anyway, tomorrow J, my massage therapist friend is coming over to give me a massage and I'll make dinner and catch up with her and then G. will give me a massage on the following day.. I had been feeling so uptight (though everyone says they can't tell that I'm cranky).... I feel like a walking knot.... in sunglasses.... in the morning.... midday... and evening...

It's a surreal thought.... the possibility of me never complaining about glasses again... Wow.

Edging Wonderland

I have been coasting on the writer's raft. It's been fun thinking, relaxing and now it is time to get focused but I am all over the map...

I have just completed my BSF class and am finally free Thursday mornings. What to do with myself?? This coming Thursday will be interesting. I will be having lunch with C. What a blast from the past. I haven't seen him in six years. I am looking forward to whatever the universe presents.

Dance rehearsal is exciting and physically demanding. I am enjoying the specific Asian postures, gestures and moves. I am also enjoying my new friends who have welcomed me into the group, are helpful with coaching me through the steps and sometimes call out the counts beside me so that I may keep up with the choreography.

I have been spending loads of time with my family in San Diego. We're in a new season which was kicked off by R's engagement and wedding; a beautiful new season that's pulled the family together.

I'm refining some ways of handling my teaching practice and taking it to a new level. I'm looking into further specialized certification.

I have fragments of thoughts and streams of ideas shored up in little documents here and there. I have moments of inspiration and I have moments of discouragement. Spring is in the air and I haven't spent time with E in a little while who's been caught up with exams and juries. I've been driving my brain into new places with my thoughts catalyzed by E. That's been interesting.....

I watched a lot of Star Wars this past week as well as celebrated my birthday at least half a dozen times. I will continue celebrating this week as I catch up with more friends over lunch.

I'm tired...

Random words that are in my life's mind for whatever reason: genesis, the faces of jealousy, collapsing the present reality, dancing from another world, freedom with the family, growing up and down, refiner, builder, business is blooming, adventure, curiousity, love...

My thoughts make me tired sometimes.... My plan is to have them organized into art....

Happy Birthday to Me

My world started to come back together a little this week. After being without a computer for over a week, my writing habit went out the window. I had the craziest thoughts going through my head over the week but they were of the darker sort.

So today will mark a new beginning.

Summer is approaching! hooray! It has been in the 80's this past week and the birds are singing as I enjoy the most luxurious view of trees and canyon outside my patio doors.

I've been blessed to enjoy such a view for the past several years despite the ups and downs of building my life in Los Angeles. There's a staggering difference in what commitment means here versus Boston. People kept their appointments with me despite weather and how many trains they had to take to study with me. Snow, deluges of rain, thunder, lightning, and then the heat of summer never seemed to sway people from their word.

But here Los Angeles... Finding people who keep their word and value to build relationships...that is the challenge that I meet. Every year I consider moving back to Boston but I stay because I have met a few precious gems in this integrity-dry town and I'd wonder what else this town has hidden.

Many of my friends leave each year. Los Angeles is the quintessential RAT RACE MAZE and there's a bounty of bad cheese. Everything happens here. I am living where stars live and where shadows haunt.

How can people justifiably break commitments and erode the relationships they have? Shall we blame it on the weather? It is just too lovely of a day! Let's take a spontaneous vacation day! I had several broken commitments this past week from people who wanted to go to Disneyland, got the flu (even though it is 80 degrees outside), or traffic was so bad...

(can i make up the lesson? I suppose I can sacrifice seeing my family this weekend and cancel my birthday plans... sure! and if I don't make up the lesson...a few people have made a decision that I shouldn't be paid... even though I sat waiting for them at the studio and had rented the space)

Is it the sun? too many wonderful places to distract? blame Disneyland, Universal Studios, Magic Mountain, Hollywood... shall we blame the traffic and too many people, shall we blame the lack of quality education, the disdain for religion? is it global warming, the government's fault, corporate down-sizing?

It's sad. I will have to restructure how I build my life here. That will be my birthday gift to myself. I am the one afterall responsible for my own happiness. I want a saner life with quality people who are committed and responsible, happy and living a life of vision and possibility..

And I am VERY HAPPY to enjoy so many great people in my life despite the few challenging others. And I owe it to them and their contribution to my life that I am able to be patient in the process of learning about someone and finding the right time to let go...

Tonight, we celebrate my birthday.

The theme is "Living Out Loud" and my friends will gather for drinks and food...

A few will read their work.. my bestfriend, D... I know has written a special piece for me... a couple of friends will bring their violins, my friend said he'll bring his horn... I had invited my friends to sing, read, paint, tell a joke... anything they wish....

Because Life is a Masterpiece....

forget the traffic and distractions...

Mum's Day

I had an excellent day with my family.

My niece wrote a beautiful card for me...

"Happy Mother's Day Auntie Jean! I consider you one of my moms because you were there for me when I was little and loved me with all your heart. I appreciate you for loving me, teaching me about life, and making me smile whenever I was down. Love, M.

PS. Oops! and have a happy birthday. I hope all your wishes come true!"

I had laughed at first because I am not a mother...if anything, I feel shy over the subject... But it was a very sweet card and vote of confidence in the future realm of motherhood...

My brothers are very proud of their "kingdoms"... And it's fun seeing how they adore their wives and growing families. Powerful. Love. Commitment. Self-expression. Freedom. Acceptance.

It's fun being a part of my family. We laugh a lot.

My niece beside me nods in agreement saying, "We are very close to each other... and we can talk about anything."

We are wondering why our family is like this... She says it's rare how we bond and are connected and we're wondering what is it exactly that is working...

Considering it's past 3am and her dad thinks she's asleep, we're wide awake pondering about LIFE...

She says that since we laugh a lot together, we can connect with each other and it makes us enjoy our time together. We tell lots of stories...and sometimes make up some simply because it's funny.

True... we did laugh a lot earlier today. She enjoys hearing the stories of her dad's childhood. And we do lots of silly stuff to create the stories of tomorrow.

And have our pet little dramas... but we don't get too attached to them... we turn them into the funny family story of tomorrow.

So today for mum's day, my brothers, my sisters-in-laws... a niece, a nephew...and of course.. my mother, sat down for lobster at home and laughed and talked...

We talked about our businesses, feng shui-ing the house, we lamented over not having Robert Kiyosaki's "Cash Flow" board game with us, we enjoyed my brother's wedding and honeymoon pictures, watched "Phantom of the Opera" TWICE...opened mother's day presents and my birthday presents, ate lots of cake and ice cream and took lots of pictures...enjoying the new addition of my brother's bride..

It was an excellent day...

"But we miss grandpa and wish he was with us...." adds M. ahhh so sensitive and honest. Yes, I think my dad who passed away when I was young would be happy to see that the kingdom he began in his youth did not collapse but rather flourished despite circumstances.

It is VERY LATE... I should get this little girl to bed before her dad wakes up and gets upset with me... good night all... and good morning (from my niece)

JNET