My world started to come back together a little this week. After being without a computer for over a week, my writing habit went out the window. I had the craziest thoughts going through my head over the week but they were of the darker sort.
So today will mark a new beginning.
Summer is approaching! hooray! It has been in the 80's this past week and the birds are singing as I enjoy the most luxurious view of trees and canyon outside my patio doors.
I've been blessed to enjoy such a view for the past several years despite the ups and downs of building my life in Los Angeles. There's a staggering difference in what commitment means here versus Boston. People kept their appointments with me despite weather and how many trains they had to take to study with me. Snow, deluges of rain, thunder, lightning, and then the heat of summer never seemed to sway people from their word.
But here Los Angeles... Finding people who keep their word and value to build relationships...that is the challenge that I meet. Every year I consider moving back to Boston but I stay because I have met a few precious gems in this integrity-dry town and I'd wonder what else this town has hidden.
Many of my friends leave each year. Los Angeles is the quintessential RAT RACE MAZE and there's a bounty of bad cheese. Everything happens here. I am living where stars live and where shadows haunt.
How can people justifiably break commitments and erode the relationships they have? Shall we blame it on the weather? It is just too lovely of a day! Let's take a spontaneous vacation day! I had several broken commitments this past week from people who wanted to go to Disneyland, got the flu (even though it is 80 degrees outside), or traffic was so bad...
(can i make up the lesson? I suppose I can sacrifice seeing my family this weekend and cancel my birthday plans... sure! and if I don't make up the lesson...a few people have made a decision that I shouldn't be paid... even though I sat waiting for them at the studio and had rented the space)
Is it the sun? too many wonderful places to distract? blame Disneyland, Universal Studios, Magic Mountain, Hollywood... shall we blame the traffic and too many people, shall we blame the lack of quality education, the disdain for religion? is it global warming, the government's fault, corporate down-sizing?
It's sad. I will have to restructure how I build my life here. That will be my birthday gift to myself. I am the one afterall responsible for my own happiness. I want a saner life with quality people who are committed and responsible, happy and living a life of vision and possibility..
And I am VERY HAPPY to enjoy so many great people in my life despite the few challenging others. And I owe it to them and their contribution to my life that I am able to be patient in the process of learning about someone and finding the right time to let go...
Tonight, we celebrate my birthday.
The theme is "Living Out Loud" and my friends will gather for drinks and food...
A few will read their work.. my bestfriend, D... I know has written a special piece for me... a couple of friends will bring their violins, my friend said he'll bring his horn... I had invited my friends to sing, read, paint, tell a joke... anything they wish....
Because Life is a Masterpiece....
forget the traffic and distractions...
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