Going for It

Perhaps there's something in the air for me to call life perfect. Perhaps I've created a fun game in my mansion of thought and it's interesting to me to play. Perhaps my nonsentimentality finds intriguing ways to delight in the daily promised madness.

Maybe it's because it's spring. Maybe it's because I'm in love. Maybe my prayers are being answered. Maybe my karmic credits are paying off. Maybe I'm finally growing up and calming down. Maybe I'm having an allergic reaction.

Maybe I think too much. Maybe I don't plan enough. Maybe I ought to think more and plan more. Maybe I should sleep more.

And these are the thoughts I can ride to have another day to be excited about...

And then the shadow speaks from the dark halls of mediocrity....

Maybe you're crazy. Maybe you're hopeless and lost. Maybe you're arrogant. Maybe you're not good enough. Maybe you're misguided. Maybe you think you're clever but are really pathetic. Maybe no one really wants to be your friend. Maybe your life is a lie.

Empty words from a jealous shadow...

Who doesn't enjoy the joy of a dream, where sidewalks are laid out from the love of one's self, friends and loved ones. Where laughter and dreams are shared as freely as tears, meals, and clothes. Where estates are built and inventions are songs composed by a dream. Where ensembles of angels orchestrate between cities, nations and continents creating the world with every collective thought and conversation. Where creating, building, and thinking surpasses the final goals, possession and sense of entitlement. Because being in the presence of being part of the causing declares one's existence and that thought alone is enough to celebrate living.

Maybe it's because I say I'm free. Maybe it's because I say I'm powerful. Maybe it's because I am not too afraid to deny myself of my dreams that I'm willing to be called everything from great to crazy and keep my eye on my star and bring every friend who inspires me onward and leave all shadows behind.

Maybe I am selfish to look after my life. Maybe I'm selfish to not mind after your life. Maybe I ought to offer my life as a sacrifice for those to toast and feast over. Maybe I am selfish to not allow my life to be consumed by unworthy projects and persons. Maybe I am demanding, arrogant, and impatient... not giving the dear shadow the time of day.

Maybe I'm wrong to want to enjoy my life. Maybe I'm wrong to not give out the torturous details of every self-defeating thought. Maybe I'm wrong to seek after happiness.

Maybe silencing the indulgent voices of insecurity is undemocratic. Maybe the reason why I am happy to be awake is because I've been asleep.

JNET

PHOTOS: My brother's wedding .. pictures from cousin Michelle's camera

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I've never seen R. so happy.

He loves M. And everyone who heard him say his vows were moved. My brother is a man of few words. But when he speaks, he is forthright, deliberate and powerful. And it makes sense since his name means KING.

Everyone was present to love on his wedding day... from the couple and from the family and friends.


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I believe that it was the happiest day of his life to marry M. And his closest friends that he met in junior high have witnessed the intense courtship and were present to this special rite of passage.

From the days of bikes and skateboards and homework... to this day... R begins building his kingdom, marking a new phase of his life. As D. mentioned during his speech to my brother... this relationship and wedding brought a lot of people closer together.

My other brother... and cousin, M (from Seattle)... and me...

These are the photos from M's camera... and this is the morning of R's wedding. Doesn't he look absolutely handsome and happy? It was so funny that when we arrived at his house, he wasn't even dressed... the hour before his own wedding, he was calmly walking about.. Time stops for my brother... haha

And here's our M's sister, J (also from Seattle)... I can't believe that we're grown up.

I love this picture. Jaja took it during a silly moment (we had lots of those)...
It was a beautiful weekend...celebrating love, connectedness, family and friends.

More pictures will be posted as they come in. :)

JNET

MUSIC: ARADHNA means "worship" in Hindi

A. and I went out this past weekend to enjoy ARADHNA.

Christopher Hale on sitar and Peter Hicks on guitar. What a beautiful night! Indian devotional music that celebrates Yeshu (Jesus). It was an inspiring evening. It made me wonder about the different voices of devotion through-out the world.

It is amazing to know how we are connected in spirit to people around the world by common loves.

I was present to the possibility of peace, communication, connectedness. It was nice talking to Chris for a little bit after the show. He is a very gentle soul with an amazing voice. He had grown up in Nepal. What a unique experience. We all attended the same music school where he became friends with R. who engineered the show. (R. engineered a great show. I heard everything. She has a great ear for detail and brought out Aradhna's sound beautifully.)

The diversity of music and people throughout the world is beautiful.

Here is what my friend R. sent after the performance:

Hey all,

A big ‘ol mushy THANKS to everybody who came out to support Aradhna on Saturday night at the ***! We were thrilled that you were able to join us for this unique experience.

Chris, Pete, and Andrew (the duo's guest tabla player) sounded fabulous, and judging by the feedback we received, everybody felt that they had been part of a very special evening of uncommonly beautiful devotional songs.

Finally, in after-concert news, the Artistic Director at **** has asked Aradhna to join a line-up of “world music” bands for a festival that they produce, annually, if available. The Production Manager at **** has also inquired about the possibility of licensing Aradhna’s music for their upcoming production of ****, and possibly scoring additional cues for this season’s play as well.

Given the extremely enthusiastic response to the evening, I think it would be safe to say that we can look forward to having Chris and Pete back to Los Angeles *very* soon.

Thanks again for coming out to support independent music (in general) and Chris and Pete (specifically). We loved having them in town, and we look forward to seeing everybody again at the next concert…

JNET

RC & CB
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http://www.aradhnamusic.com

Hello VBoyeur

A. mentioned the other day how blogs were voyeuristic.

Here's dictionary.com's definition of VOYEUR:

voy·eur (voi-yûr)
n.

A person who derives sexual gratification from observing the naked bodies or sexual acts of others, especially from a secret vantage point.

An obsessive observer of sordid or sensational subjects

Hmmmm....

Take those naughty naughty eyes away from my thoughts!!!

Maybe I am naive but I don't think any serious sexual gratification can be had on my blog.

I told A. that people may follow a blog like a television show. People read biographies and people publish journals and diaries...

There are people who follow television shows religiously and get caught up with fictional lives or sensationalized lives and there are people who follow blogs which can be real, exaggerated or outrageously made up.

Here are a few of the blogs or web pages I follow:

http://motls.blogspot.com/ (The most important events in our and your superstringy Universe as seen from Luboš Motl's reference frame)

http://litanywebb.blogspot.com/ (The True Chronicle of 8 People Walking From Barrow, Alaska to Punta Arena, Chile in just 5 years...)

There are others. But these are the ones that bring a wealth of new ideas to play with on a daily enough basis.

I write about quantum reality, living and finding perspectives and possibilities, growing up, evolving, fun. I have poetry, science, nonsense, pictures and my reader's contributing thoughts. I write about being a writer, a musician, a teacher, a friend and to those who are part of JNETSWORLD in my physical space...

I write about how you contribute to making my world.

Favorite place me...say hello....

:)

and voyeurs...get those naughty naughty eyes off of my thoughts!!!!

POEM: The Perfect Tomorrow That You Left Behind

Gossamer despair
A drip dance down your hair
Caressing a chain that encircles your neck
Separating a heart keeping thoughts on check

Grotesquely beautified
Parading diamond tears as you crucified
Your soul with a swan story
In exchange for the gold of broken glory

With your heart in shards
Chasing truth in the faces of loose cards
You cry that you're losing your mind,
The world's hopelessly unkind,
And you wish you could find
The perfect tomorrow that you left behind

You wish you could find
The perfect tomorrow that you left behind

How your heart is grieving and aching
For a game of love giving and love taking
You score yourself on how you've been deceived
Meriting the stage as you take leave
Of your senses and begin a new season to share

Your script of despair
A sonorous prayer

Grotesquely beautified
Parading diamond tears as you crucified
Your soul with a swan story
In exchange for the gold of broken glory

You wish you could find
The perfect tomorrow that you left behind

Copyright ©2005 J. R. Hollyday

Princess Training

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Last weekend after church, N and I decided to run our brains over a topic of Quantum Reality.

I posed the question:

If we are designed to have an intelligence to look at our past, learn from our experience and generate a present using the lessons of the past.... therefore affecting our futures....

What stops us from being designed with an intelligence to look into our future, learn from what is to come and generate a present using the lessons of the future...
therefore affecting our future as well as our past. ?????

Some people run in their heads their expectation and conversation of

"I am not good enough"
"I am rejected, everyone leaves me"
"I don't need anyone"
"I know it all already"
"I am content and have everything I need."

And therefore lead a life bouncing from that space. It's not a very empowering place.

I am "Miss I Don't Need Anyone"... was... I go in and out of that script out of my human nature.

N and I wondered if drama was a human addiction because everyone seems to have a dose of it whether or not they share it with their loved ones. I don't witness Bebo the bunny lamenting heavy issues when she sits in her cage with a carrot.

Back to the Future...



so the night before Easter, I sat in contemplation over the message of new life and renewal. I didn't want easter to be simply a color and hunt, food and wine fest. N was in the same frame of mind and maybe that's why we found ourselves talking about the future on the evening of Easter.

If our past can give us lessons in time for traveling the present, I told her we ought to consider the possibilities of traveling the present from the future and perhaps we can take something we learn from church and actually live out something extrordinary.

Isn't it insanity to live in the past over stories that happened days and years ago... especially if it doesn't create a life that is loved and enjoyed.

Why not drop the conversations of 'not good enough' or whatever pet judgment we've cloaked on ourselves and put what God says about us. God is a lot more eloquent on saying who we are than we are.

Romans 8:16...

"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship (daughtership, in our case)


What can one consider about oneself if you look at yourself as a child of God, dearly loved children of light? Why is the "not good enough" conversation the best-selling tape that rolls in the brains of many..... despite the freedom offered by choice and religion? (or spirituality for those who get squirmish over the R word)

N and I talked about whether or not we were aligned with what our faith teaches us. If we believed that we were daughters of a higher power and intelligence of love, did we have a sense of being related to God? We decided to walk through 1 Corinthian 13:4-8 together... the Love is chapter that is easy to take for granted.

We graded ourselves. Why not? We're in the school of life and if we're students at "God Universe-ity... it's a good idea to look at the syllabus and see if we're getting any of the lessons. So we rated ourselves and talked about what we struggled with.

And then we read Proverbs 31.... beautifully written out what a woman of God is (ideally)...

beautiful, intelligent, industrious, compassionate, well-respected and loved.... among many things..

I had written Proverbs 31 into my journal that I carry around with me... blanking out all the spots where it says wife... so that I may put my name or my friend's name in the blank. It's a great way to encourage myself and my friends.


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so we can create our life from the conversation of being fearful of the future and believe that we are not good enough or that we will be rejected...

if we are children of light... why not adopt the picture above as our reality as opposed to the one below? The picture above was once contaminated water but was blessed. It used to look like the picture below.

Imagine if this is what happens to water... what is happening to us with our ways of thinking?


this is the effect of negative thinking on water... it won't behave like the water above. it's from Dr. Emoto's study of water and thoughts "messages in the water"

ANYWAY... it was a great evening hanging out with my girlfriend... thinking from the future tense to live out today with lightness.

If you want a different take without the God-speak... A friend of mine shared something similarly interesting....

He follows the Bruins games and said that he usually turns it off when it gets near the end so that he can watch the game on the news, holding the excitement for later. Well he missed turning that dial a few times and sometimes knew when the Bruins were going to win.

Watching the game knowing they have won gave him a different sense of sitting to watch the game. He said he was calmer and yes excited but not turned around with a roller coaster of emotion and was more attentive to watching how they won the plays.

He said life can be like that... Live like you've already won the game. Be excited and just pay attention to the game plays and see the clearings that make the winning happen.

Thoughts anyone?

JNET