They turn a million revolutions while
Looking into my eyes
Yet you stand in solid transparency
Arresting time
Conversations in hushed chambers of stolen minutes
Inventing an intimacy of enigmatic adoration
Platonic, passionate, surreal and peaceful
Standoffish, familiar and sublime
Time moves on and the seconds pulse with a world of
Prospects orbiting love and affections ticking
Tocking words that blur swirls of who they are
Illuding to love but eluding their object
Declarations and seasonal proclamations
Etched into the sands of an hourglass
That turn with the slight of the hand
Hearts devoted into hearts that readily reject
A whirl of love thunder and chatter
Never addressing heart and soul matter
Your voice rises like a counter melodic sigh
Breaking through clouds the eyes of time
Copyright ©2005 J. R. Hollyday
Friday, February 25, 2005
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Blurry People And Solid Transparency
I told E today that I had 23 boyfriends. He said he had 357 girlfriends. Then I told him that I had 0 bfs and then he said he had 0gfs.
We had our "run-in". Sometimes I wish I had a tape of what we talk about. I have never been so intrigued by such a style of conversation and relating. I don't know if we create it or if it's simply the way we are with everyone else ... It's nice that we come to the table from a space where I sense mutual respect and admiration mixed with flirtation (the respect and admiration being the main tool for flirtation). He is writing his thesis; a book that he wants to write for a general audience. He speaks powerfully and honestly yet he is restrained and has control over his thoughts and emotions. I understand it. He is sparing but generous. He can be a man of few words who listens, yet he speaks well, eloquently and is self-expressed. He is unattached yet consistent. He is a non relationship that keeps occuring and creating itself.
As for other conversations... Several call once a month, buzzing with life..zipping to visit my corner of the world to share a part of their world's buzz. Like a commercial with fun and flair ....and then is no more. Maybe with all the flutter of different friends, I have the perfect relationship!
Another's presence may move like the seasons... somewhat present but eluding time; a conversation that's incomplete... which I complete myself in my own conclusions. I guess what I get most of all these variations of hellos and good-byes is that I get to learn a lot about many people and about myself through the many dynamics.
The loves of my life have so many interesting ways of creating themselves, explaining themselves, justifying themselves. Everyone's a storybook and I'm fascinated by them all..
The blurry ones turn a million revolutions looking into my eyes
and one stands in solid transparency
stopping time.
If we all can create that with one another, what would its affect be on the world and on time?
Perhaps I prefer E's. conversation despite its eccentricities; it's habit forming.
Which reminds me, I need to have a chocolate fix. I have these terrific chocs from Germany called Mozarts... they are so divine!!
JNET
We had our "run-in". Sometimes I wish I had a tape of what we talk about. I have never been so intrigued by such a style of conversation and relating. I don't know if we create it or if it's simply the way we are with everyone else ... It's nice that we come to the table from a space where I sense mutual respect and admiration mixed with flirtation (the respect and admiration being the main tool for flirtation). He is writing his thesis; a book that he wants to write for a general audience. He speaks powerfully and honestly yet he is restrained and has control over his thoughts and emotions. I understand it. He is sparing but generous. He can be a man of few words who listens, yet he speaks well, eloquently and is self-expressed. He is unattached yet consistent. He is a non relationship that keeps occuring and creating itself.
As for other conversations... Several call once a month, buzzing with life..zipping to visit my corner of the world to share a part of their world's buzz. Like a commercial with fun and flair ....and then is no more. Maybe with all the flutter of different friends, I have the perfect relationship!
Another's presence may move like the seasons... somewhat present but eluding time; a conversation that's incomplete... which I complete myself in my own conclusions. I guess what I get most of all these variations of hellos and good-byes is that I get to learn a lot about many people and about myself through the many dynamics.
The loves of my life have so many interesting ways of creating themselves, explaining themselves, justifying themselves. Everyone's a storybook and I'm fascinated by them all..
The blurry ones turn a million revolutions looking into my eyes
and one stands in solid transparency
stopping time.
If we all can create that with one another, what would its affect be on the world and on time?
Perhaps I prefer E's. conversation despite its eccentricities; it's habit forming.
Which reminds me, I need to have a chocolate fix. I have these terrific chocs from Germany called Mozarts... they are so divine!!
JNET
Monday, February 21, 2005
POEM: Run-In with Love
You will run as I will run
And I always run back to you
After fretting dark corners
And unlit circles
It's what I tend to do
I will run as you will run
Yet turning to say hello
I'll ponder your thoughts
You'll smile at mine
And then we'll turn and go
You will run as I will run
In fear and in sheer love
Feeling brushes with confusing joy
And I will run as you will run
Like a timid girl and boy
You will run as I will run
In disgust and in delight
Confident one day
And nervous by noon
What's next by and by?
I will run as you will run
Forgetful then awake
This is a game attending to love,
Contending with self
Impetuous love
We make
Copyright ©2005 J. R. Hollyday
And I always run back to you
After fretting dark corners
And unlit circles
It's what I tend to do
I will run as you will run
Yet turning to say hello
I'll ponder your thoughts
You'll smile at mine
And then we'll turn and go
You will run as I will run
In fear and in sheer love
Feeling brushes with confusing joy
And I will run as you will run
Like a timid girl and boy
You will run as I will run
In disgust and in delight
Confident one day
And nervous by noon
What's next by and by?
I will run as you will run
Forgetful then awake
This is a game attending to love,
Contending with self
Impetuous love
We make
Copyright ©2005 J. R. Hollyday
Saturday, February 19, 2005
POEM: Impetuous Words
impetuous words litter the past
piling reckless insult into private nook
vandalising walkways and bridges
like notes played with hazard and no heart
insincerity interrupts the band of a song
silence stretches over tensions of time
ready to conduct a new storm
yesterday was clothed with promises and dreams
today is dressed like a pauper
a future squandered for righteous posturing
replacing a shelter from choice words
impetuous words litter our private world
reckless insults stray from all directions
we are caught in a storm of bad weather
without an umbrella to weave our dreams together
piling reckless insult into private nook
vandalising walkways and bridges
like notes played with hazard and no heart
insincerity interrupts the band of a song
silence stretches over tensions of time
ready to conduct a new storm
yesterday was clothed with promises and dreams
today is dressed like a pauper
a future squandered for righteous posturing
replacing a shelter from choice words
impetuous words litter our private world
reckless insults stray from all directions
we are caught in a storm of bad weather
without an umbrella to weave our dreams together
Copyright ©2005 J. R. Hollyday
Thursday, February 17, 2005
POEM: Shadow Battle
A corridor for living
With a shadow in the wing
My mind plans for dreaming
My shadow schemes a swing
A hearth prepares for true love
In the cabinets my shadow chills
Fires of passion and imagination
Duel at the table competing wills
Rejecting versus accepting
A scream for dreams to die
My hungry shadow debating
My efforts to say good bye
My contest grows stale daily
I'm tempted to disappear to timely naps
Forgetting then remembering the shadow battles
Creating reality collapse
Vile shadow vying my victories
Vindicated by your pain
Away Away... tiresome shadow
This is the end of your refrain!
Copyright ©2005 J. R. Hollyday
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Shadow Self
I took my VW bug to E & C today. I got an oil change, new gasket (it was leaking oil), my brakes got adjusted and the valves had an adjustment as well. It runs better and I don't think it'll backfire again.. I got out of there for $91.00.
I managed to get some leisure reading in... I'm reading a little about Jungian and Freudian psychology for kicks.
I was really taken in by what is identified as the "Shadow."
"If the Ego is a photograph, the Shadow is its negative. Standing in direct opposition to the Ego, the Shadow is an autonomous complex, which holds opinions, expresses feelings, and generally wills an agenda radically different from the Ego's....
"...the Shadow results from childhood trauma...a distinct, conscious, willing entity. Unless reintegrated later in life, they forever seek to sabotage the Ego's plans and behaviors....
"If we can claim our Shadow's qualities, and learn from them, we defuse much of the interpersonal conflict we would otherwise encounter"
-----------------------
I was a bit taken back by this because this past year I have been challenging my fears as they come up... I had decided to make a game of it. I only like to do fun things and if I'm going to deconstruct myself... why not make it fun?
So I named my "Shadow" last year before I knew what a "Shadow" was. I simply named my "fearful-jeannette-identity" Betsy. I like the term "Shadow" better.
My "Shadow" is quite a piece of work. I've amused myself over the detailing I've created. I found that I literally have played out scripts and now I notice when I fall into the playbacks... I'm becoming aware of my game... my mythologies.
Last week, I came to realize that I had made a decision a few years ago that has been sabotaging my sense of freedom and power in love and dating. That decision was "Love is Traumatic".... I had sent an email about my experience to my friend last week. I've had a quite a few upsetting and some frightening moments in my past. And then today I read about the "Shadow."
Wild...
So, I've got the brights on my "Shadow"... It's just a bunch of bricks... it's not a living breathing anything... And I'm looking for dynamite... Got a match????
JNET
I managed to get some leisure reading in... I'm reading a little about Jungian and Freudian psychology for kicks.
I was really taken in by what is identified as the "Shadow."
"If the Ego is a photograph, the Shadow is its negative. Standing in direct opposition to the Ego, the Shadow is an autonomous complex, which holds opinions, expresses feelings, and generally wills an agenda radically different from the Ego's....
"...the Shadow results from childhood trauma...a distinct, conscious, willing entity. Unless reintegrated later in life, they forever seek to sabotage the Ego's plans and behaviors....
"If we can claim our Shadow's qualities, and learn from them, we defuse much of the interpersonal conflict we would otherwise encounter"
-----------------------
I was a bit taken back by this because this past year I have been challenging my fears as they come up... I had decided to make a game of it. I only like to do fun things and if I'm going to deconstruct myself... why not make it fun?
So I named my "Shadow" last year before I knew what a "Shadow" was. I simply named my "fearful-jeannette-identity" Betsy. I like the term "Shadow" better.
My "Shadow" is quite a piece of work. I've amused myself over the detailing I've created. I found that I literally have played out scripts and now I notice when I fall into the playbacks... I'm becoming aware of my game... my mythologies.
Last week, I came to realize that I had made a decision a few years ago that has been sabotaging my sense of freedom and power in love and dating. That decision was "Love is Traumatic".... I had sent an email about my experience to my friend last week. I've had a quite a few upsetting and some frightening moments in my past. And then today I read about the "Shadow."
Wild...
So, I've got the brights on my "Shadow"... It's just a bunch of bricks... it's not a living breathing anything... And I'm looking for dynamite... Got a match????
JNET
POEM: Passion
Ecstasy waves as the eyes gaze
Declarations are punctuated in the silent terms between
Electrified sighs
Serenades in my mind
I am thinking of you… I am being with you…
And your presence outshines and makes all things awash by your
Brilliance
Copyright ©2004 J. R. Hollyday
Written last summer. 2004... after finding my inner muse...catalyzed by an outer muse. Do you follow?
JNET
Monday, February 14, 2005
Valentine's Day Humbug
I am throwing a little itty bitty party tonight. While travelling-in-twos will be celebrated, I will not lament and feel sorry for myself nor will I allow my friends to sit alone for the evening.
Cocktails and Cranium at Jeannette's house! All those who long to use the carpool lane, feel lost during the holidays and is feeling left out of the mushy plate of love; I feel your PAIN!
Suffering from shyness, nailed down by your gnawing neurosis, crushed by your last crush???
Above the neediness, content with solitude, having high standards or a low attention span???
That's me.. that's me... that's me!
who will call? Will anyone call? Oh, I think I'll have to buy my own darn flowers. Blast!
Anyway, I'm having an impromptu hang. I may have three people over; I may have ten. I sort of invited my crush and I'm hoping my telepathic powers will inspire him to think of me. Maybe he's telepathically asking me what time to come over as I wonder here if he can read my mind. I am hopeless here in the dating game. Can you tell?
God help me! I sure need it because me + boyfriend equals miracle.
Anyway, that's just my little critical voice doing it's little daily torture. These little dips of insecurity are more amusing than torture these days. The truth of the matter is, my crush knows where I am and I know where he is. He is where he is and I am where I am because that's where IT IS.. And I am exactly where I am and where I want to be and he's exactly where he wants to be...
Care to dance with either of us??
This makes me smile..
I luckily enjoy my own company and I am not that terribly motivated to start anything huge with a lot of different prospects I know. I don't have a sense of what kind of relationship or boyfriend I'll be getting.
If anyone was really auditioning for the part... I have guys who are either enslaved or engaged by their work (still trying to find out which... made difficult by the fact that) I have guys who call once or twice a month (it's hard getting friendly with a ghost)... Others are busy praying and too busy to ask me out...
Life is very funny... I can't seem to will myself into a new crush. What's up with that? And then I think... why not drop the E. crush?? But then I get charmed again by just thinking about him. ahhh sigh
So thank you friends and prospective boyfriends for the ecards and letting me know that today is not a loveless Valentines Day. Come over for drinks, bring flowers if you want extra brownie points.... bring more for the other girls if you want even more brownie points and stretch your uncommitted net out further.
2005 Happy Valentines Day Everyone
Here's to the possibility of love, laughter and magic..
I need to remind myself also that I am the possibility of unstoppable love, courage, self-expression and transformation....
Hence... my little get-together despite my humbug feelings...
blah... yucky...
kissy sissy..
sexy pepsi...
balderdash...
oops...
I mean... yes, i would love to experience love!
JNET
Cocktails and Cranium at Jeannette's house! All those who long to use the carpool lane, feel lost during the holidays and is feeling left out of the mushy plate of love; I feel your PAIN!
Suffering from shyness, nailed down by your gnawing neurosis, crushed by your last crush???
Above the neediness, content with solitude, having high standards or a low attention span???
That's me.. that's me... that's me!
who will call? Will anyone call? Oh, I think I'll have to buy my own darn flowers. Blast!
Anyway, I'm having an impromptu hang. I may have three people over; I may have ten. I sort of invited my crush and I'm hoping my telepathic powers will inspire him to think of me. Maybe he's telepathically asking me what time to come over as I wonder here if he can read my mind. I am hopeless here in the dating game. Can you tell?
God help me! I sure need it because me + boyfriend equals miracle.
Anyway, that's just my little critical voice doing it's little daily torture. These little dips of insecurity are more amusing than torture these days. The truth of the matter is, my crush knows where I am and I know where he is. He is where he is and I am where I am because that's where IT IS.. And I am exactly where I am and where I want to be and he's exactly where he wants to be...
Care to dance with either of us??
This makes me smile..
I luckily enjoy my own company and I am not that terribly motivated to start anything huge with a lot of different prospects I know. I don't have a sense of what kind of relationship or boyfriend I'll be getting.
If anyone was really auditioning for the part... I have guys who are either enslaved or engaged by their work (still trying to find out which... made difficult by the fact that) I have guys who call once or twice a month (it's hard getting friendly with a ghost)... Others are busy praying and too busy to ask me out...
Life is very funny... I can't seem to will myself into a new crush. What's up with that? And then I think... why not drop the E. crush?? But then I get charmed again by just thinking about him. ahhh sigh
So thank you friends and prospective boyfriends for the ecards and letting me know that today is not a loveless Valentines Day. Come over for drinks, bring flowers if you want extra brownie points.... bring more for the other girls if you want even more brownie points and stretch your uncommitted net out further.
2005 Happy Valentines Day Everyone
Here's to the possibility of love, laughter and magic..
I need to remind myself also that I am the possibility of unstoppable love, courage, self-expression and transformation....
Hence... my little get-together despite my humbug feelings...
blah... yucky...
kissy sissy..
sexy pepsi...
balderdash...
oops...
I mean... yes, i would love to experience love!
JNET
Saturday, February 12, 2005
POEM: No Race To Name
An island of a smile
A face from Spain
Eyes from the Orient
No race to name
I breathe in the east
And wake in the west
No roots on the earth
I live out a quest
Cultures crashing on a beach
Unsure my being unshored
Acceptance by artists
Most others ignored
Sometimes confusion inspires a game
To see who'll guess right
Make fun of a few shades too dark
Stand alone a few shades too light
An island of a smile
A face from Spain
Eyes from the Orient
No race to name
A face from Spain
Eyes from the Orient
No race to name
I breathe in the east
And wake in the west
No roots on the earth
I live out a quest
Cultures crashing on a beach
Unsure my being unshored
Acceptance by artists
Most others ignored
Sometimes confusion inspires a game
To see who'll guess right
Make fun of a few shades too dark
Stand alone a few shades too light
An island of a smile
A face from Spain
Eyes from the Orient
No race to name
Copyright ©2005 J. R. Hollyday
Wednesday, February 2, 2005
POEM: The Road That Bends
Pushing aside all excuses
Every judgement on the floor
What direction would you turn
To choose and call your door?
After charting all consideration
And mapping out mountains of thought
Recalling past paths of experience
What choice is above things taught?
rising above all reason
your mind can construct all things anew
choosing
to actually choose
the road that bends
is you
Copyright ©2005 J R Hollyday
Tuesday, February 1, 2005
POEM: Practicing To Be Dead
While you dream your life in the dark
The sun watches you sleep
You return from your slumber adventures
With stories to make the living weep
Coasting past warm waves of people
In a sea of solitude
Opportunities thrown back to an ocean
Of blue apathetic attitude
A tourist in your own quiet life
A traveller stuck inside his head
Dreamer of worlds of no future consequence
Practicing to be dead
The sun watches you sleep
You return from your slumber adventures
With stories to make the living weep
Coasting past warm waves of people
In a sea of solitude
Opportunities thrown back to an ocean
Of blue apathetic attitude
A tourist in your own quiet life
A traveller stuck inside his head
Dreamer of worlds of no future consequence
Practicing to be dead
Copyright ©2005 J. R. Hollyday
POEM: Skydive
Thirteen thousand feet
I whip a flip
I'm standing on a cloud
Upside-down
I'm a baby bird
Laughing unheard
One hundred twenty miles fast
Coming-down
Patty cake with the wind
One minute waltz with my sky king
I'm falling royal on top of you world!
Reigning-down
Startling sweet silence
My mind in private whirlwind
Under a silk umbrella, peace, seven minutes
Floating-down
The grass and plane clearing
My family stands cheering
A meadow landing revering
Touch-down
I whip a flip
I'm standing on a cloud
Upside-down
I'm a baby bird
Laughing unheard
One hundred twenty miles fast
Coming-down
Patty cake with the wind
One minute waltz with my sky king
I'm falling royal on top of you world!
Reigning-down
Startling sweet silence
My mind in private whirlwind
Under a silk umbrella, peace, seven minutes
Floating-down
The grass and plane clearing
My family stands cheering
A meadow landing revering
Touch-down
Copyright ©2005 J. R. Hollyday
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