The Sky is Falling and Other Laughable Lunacies

Do we not all have our busy days, and get self-absorbed in personal galaxies?

We have a consistency in getting involved with our lives yet managing consistent hellos and share expressions of frustations as a break from the crazy races we love to run. And who we commit our frequent hellos and escapes to are a matter of choice to create into existence.

Perhaps to the certain degrees that we step out of our games and play in the co-creating of realities with others and through our heavy self-indulgences or play with relationship dynamics do we communicate intentions too profound or too premature to speak of. We are all babies here attempting at communication or maybe sages with a lack for the right words.

So I finally regained a little bit more of my sanity today. Everything had to go somewhere other then where I wished. I laugh because life is funny and life is also uncertain... Things can be very compromising and inconvenient. And if I take my head into that place where fear exists then thinking is exhausting and futile that I might as well sleep.

Isn't that an obvious stagnant path; fear?

So this is what I learned about action despite circumstance;

4:40 (20 minutes free to make copies of music and do a bank errand andri joins me.)

My car doesn't start and my AAA credits were just completely used up last month.

I ask andri to take me to make copies of music and I return on time to teach my private students.


I had a great time with my 3 last students for the day:

Natalie always impresses me with her diligence in practicing. She sight reads so well through all new materials. I enjoyed a Fugue she played. She is bringing it to life.

Dylan did well with Star Wars and worked hard; his rhythm was so much better this week and we taped the session... He plays with such conviction and small hands. I have grown up students who don't read his level yet. He was thrilled to begin working on a Cold Play piece.

And lastly, Lizzy, was excited to show me her class ring with the theatre masks and notes to represent the arts. She'll be playing her first informal recital this season with my other students. She practices "in secret" so her dad mentioned last week. I told him that she was doing well. We record her pieces and present a tape to them every year.

While teaching, I forgot about my car. When I finally finished my final lesson of the day, I lightly mentioned my car to someone that I hoped it would start. A stranger volunteered to come out and look at it. His name was Ricardes and he figured that my car needed a jump so he found another person to help out and got my car going.

My car came to life! I decided to drive it across the valley to my car's specialist and got into the carpool lane because I was afraid that if it stopped than my engine might too. Eddie who gives TLC to my bug was there. He came out after I finished writing my note for him and separating the key. And then my friend called to say she got a flat and won't be able to get me. So Eddie drove me to a nearby restaurant so that I may wait to find another friend to pick me up. He was heading in the opposite direction I needed to go.

I had several unsuccessful attempts at finding someone available to collect me. I enjoyed a dinner at a hole-in-the-wall Vietnamese restaurant where everyone came to watch Monday night football. It was guys night out at most the tables. I was a bit self-conscious at first but had no time for I was reconnecting with friends too far away to be helpful when I finally found Dixon would make his way out to pick me up and take me home.

I will be borrowing Nicole's car tomorrow to teach and keep with my appointments and then picking her and Ana up from two different airports, (that will be interesting) I am hoping that my car has something relatively easy and inexpensive to sort out. Aside from micro fleeting moments of self-pity when I had difficulty finding someone to help me out, I haven't had time to get swept away by the car drama and make up some stories how it'll ruin my day tomorrow.

I have a party to throw. My roommate is returning after being away for a month and one of my best friends is returning to town after a week's vacation!

A Happy Thanksgiving with Myself

Another Thanksgiving Day. This year I am spending it with me. Today the three hour drive to San Diego will be six hours with frenzied people rushing to family get-togethers. Doing the drive alone normally isn't the problem but it's joining the crazy, frenetic energy that makes it uneasy driving.

Is it a turkey obsession that prompt the reckless drivers?

I've just finished saying a happy thanksgiving hello to mom. She's fine with me choosing to stay home and understands my not wanting to drive the turkey rush. She'll be spending the day with my brothers and doing house-hopping between their in-laws.

Since I will not be participating in the around-the-table-holding-hands-praying-thanking conversation, I thought I'll still say what I am thankful for to myself and the mysterious community out there that may come across my words.

I am thankful for the security I have. In my solitude and quietest moments as well as my noisiest moments with a whole gang of friends, I have God.

I may have my moments of wishing to have a boyfriend or a husband but that is out of selfish self-interest. I don't need a companion to validate my existence. It will be a joyful thing to find someone that I can celebrate the conversation of life with.

I am thankful that I like myself and enjoy being with myself and so I view all friends, company and suitors as a gift of who they are.

I am thankful that I am my greatest cheerleader and coach. I enjoy the love of my friends and I enjoy compliments and respect from the different communities of people that I am involved with. But the most important person in my life that cannot let me down is myself. I study and train. I send my cheerleader to cheerleading camp and my coach to seminars so that they are more effective in doing their best at taking care of me. I am my most dependable companion to church and class.

I am thankful that I love learning... and teaching. I embrace that which empowers me and then I pass it along to my friends, my private students. I also embrace that which attempts to steal power from me and I learn from it... and I share those lessons.

I am thankful to be learning a lot about love and commitment. I have learned tremendously by firstly being committed and loving to myself. At Landmark I learned the distinction of being on autopilot and living reactively from living from the point of the possibility that I want to be for my community and world; a life of choice and creation.

I have invented myself as the possibility of unstoppable love, courage, self-expression and transformation. This is my game with myself and my life. I have my moments where the cheerleader and coach are not in sight but most of the time I am winning the game. I have been amazed to see those close to me mirror my possibilities to me. Because I play this game; they play too.

I had the pleasure of spending time with cousins from faraway, laughing with my immediate family, welcoming new members and enjoying transparency and truth through their company and through their emails and phone calls.

I have no desire to take power but to create and give. I have no desire to chase love but to create a space for it to exist and be accepted and enjoyed.

This is a Happy Thanksgiving to myself and to the special people that come across my words.

Much love to all...


JNET

Power, Money, and Mom

I have just finished talking to mom.

Earlier this month I had attended a Money workshop with T. Harv Ecker and I was able to recall a memory from the past that had been part of my serious programming on my relationship to money.

I was listening to his CD when I realized that I needed to share my workshop experience with mom.

This is how my life was profoundly changed within the first day of my attendance. ....

9am: Everyone (meaning at least 2400 people) is sitting in their chairs when a questionaire and a list of money belief statements are passed out. It has statements like ..

"Money is the root of all evil."

"Having a lot of money will make me less spiritual or pure."

"Most rich people probably did something bad or dishonest to get their money."

"Getting rich is a matter of luck or fate." ETC ETC ETC

I disagreed with most of the statements... There were 72 all together.

The one statement that I agreed with and gave a 10 score was...

"Having lots of money is a big responsibility."

I had filled out a questionaire slightly earlier... The sentence began...

"MONEY is ....."

I had written in the blank... "A HUGE RESPONSIBILITY."

Later in the evening, I partner with my friend Ryan and we bring out the papers from the morning. I share my answers and speculate on my "responsibility statement".. Perhaps I'm afraid of growing up.. I wonder.

I shared my speculations with my mom today... I mention that her desk is usually quite intimidating and I tell her maybe I'm afraid to get to a a point where my desk will look like hers... and she seems to stress out over it. She says her desk makes sense to her; she just needs an office and she'll be better organized...

I continue to tell her what I later discovered the first evening of the workshop...

Later after dinner of my first day at the workshop, I partner with another friend, Kevin. We're asked to recall the first memory we can recall regarding money. That was an easy one for me. It had been branded into my memory. I had one main memory in my filing cabinet.

Funny, when I asked my mom what she thought my first memory with money was, she thought it was the rewards I would get for working on a piano piece or the first time I got paid for teaching my first piano lessons while in Junior High...

I expected the possibility that she wouldn't remember.

This was my memory....

My first memory with money was when I was five years old. My auntie drove me to sunday school while my mom was unable to... I thought maybe she was stuck home with my brothers and had to ask my aunt to help her.

I was given a dollar to gift her for driving me to church. My auntie refused the dollar and I came home with the dollar. My mom got upset and I decided that it wasn't a good idea that my aunt didn't accept the gift and I thought it unfair that she was upset at me.

The following week my auntie drove me to church again and I had another dollar to gift her with. She refused again... I put it on the dash, the ashtray, the cup holder. I remember not being happy with her not accepting the dollar and got frustrated.

I arrived home and went straight into my pajamas and just wanted to hide or sleep. My mom called me down after talking to my aunt. She was upset and asked me where the dollar was. I went upstairs to retrieve it and when I returned she took it and spanked me.. telling me she wasn't about to raise a little girl who steals.

It was the only time in my life that I was ever spanked by my mother.

We talked about that memory today. I told her how significant that memory was because I felt an injustice over that dollar.. I never voiced my part and when I was five I simply got scared and disappointed that my mom didn't talk with me first before the spanking.... and perhaps that was why I had a tenuous relationship with money especially from her and perhaps that added some color to why I thought money is a huge responsibility.

A five year old's decision dictated my life... handling everything on my own, without help, dreading asking for help... If I needed money, I never asked mom. I put myself through college. I struggle by myself. I bought my own car and piano.... never asking help... never celebrating the decisions...

We had a good cry. She couldn't remember ever spanking me. ..but when I asked her how old she was then. She realized how young she was and that she was taking care of three small children alone while my dad with out to sea and that it was the first time that she had to work and be away from us.

I told her that I came to that realization while at the workshop. I had connected to how overwhelming it must have been to be raising us and not having her husband with her. I told her it was okay for her to lose her head. What I created out of that experience was beyond her knowledge and memory. I was able to connect some major dots and was able to forgive the past and create a clear space for my future.

It was great to share this memory with my mom. It was sad that a moment's reaction could have such power. That I, as a five year old, had such power to create decisions and create a world from it.

I wanted also for my mom to consider her own memories. What can she connect for herself so that she can create freedom in making choices for her future... what things from her past did she need to let go.

It is great that I can have this kind of communication with my mom.

JNET


I highly recommend T. Harv Ecker's "Millionaire Mind Intensive"....

Feel free to email me with any questions...and check out his website:



http://www.millionairemind.com/

A New Month ... what to bring into existence....

Nicole left for Mexico for the month to do makeup on a movie. It's me and Bebo(her pet bunny) until December...

I'd like to write some things into existence...

My financial status changes dramatically. I am making the calls and making new friends and contacts. I am meeting incredibly fun and creative and ambitious people that want to work with me. They are creators and builders. We work together inspired and transformed beyond who we once were before we met one another. Together we are a powerhouse of creativity, encouragement, expression and manifestation.

I am writing and playing and learning and teaching. I am in training... and I meet more mentors to take me to the next levels of my life. It is fun and exciting to learn about creating the changes I want. And I learn very quickly. Life is joyful to be expressive through my art, my ideas, my relationships, my work.

I am committed. I am not distracted. I am not weighed down by drama of my own nor anyone's. I bring resolution to conflict and I speak powerfully to clear up confusion. The strength of my life is spoken through the testimony of the team that stands by my side.

It's a wonderful November. It's gorgeous and I adore my life even more and the blessings that keep coming.... keep coming... God keeps winking to make me smile to keep me playing the game and having fun.

And so I shall say in advance, thank you, God.