I Am Uncompromising

COMPROMISE:

1. a settlement of differences reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc., by reciprocal modification of demands.

2. the result of such a settlement.

3. an endangering, esp. of reputation; exposure to danger, suspicion, etc.: a compromise of one's integrity.

4. to expose or make vulnerable to danger, suspicion, scandal, etc.; jeopardize

5. to make a dishonorable or shameful concession

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My friend gave me an interesting paradigm yesterday...

LOVE IS ABOUT MAKING COMPROMISES

I told him that I couldn't align myself with such as way of thinking. How terrible. Looking at the definitions alone would make two lovers like opponents. It seems like a sure way to create an environment for a war of control dynamics and a sure clearing for failure.

"LOVE IS ABOUT COMPROMISE" is one way to choose to go about relating. Surely there are others. I offered my friend another perspective and an analogy.

What about...

LOVE IS ABOUT CONTRIBUTION? Say like a donation? Contribute 5 if that is what you have or 500 if you are in such a position? What matters is that you showed up freely and that you are supportive making a stand for the same cause... LOVE.

To be shamed into love, made wrong in order to inspire love, seems backwards to me. What can one profit from such intention by creating a sense of loss to gain?

I offer my paradigm... love is a nonprofit endeavor and joyful over all contribution whether it's a quarter or a quarter of a million.

Something to play with.

JNET

Thinking Out of Fear or Love?

The holidays has a strange way of agitating emotions and actions. I've been getting splashed during some interactions. I've been "should'ed" upon these past couple of weeks and goaded upon for being "afraid" when it comes to the game of love.

I know it is simply the pressure of programming, conditioning and tradition that is weighing people's minds as the holidays come up. Childhoods of parties and hugs generating expectations into adulthood. I think people get haunted during this season by their memories and expectations.

Are you being haunted? Living with thoughts that one's life is especially "wrong" during the holidays is to drink hard poison and letting ghosts possess you.

I'm looking forward to the holidays to see my family. My brothers have just started their families this year. Watching them fills me with awe. They are celebrating their journey of life having finally found love and building their kingdoms.

But I'm also looking forward to having free time to be with myself to plan out my goals for the new year. Of course falling in love is a goal but it stands lower than other goals. Love is different and can't be planned for timelines. That's why it FAILS. Miracles can't be planned. I can only be happy with myself and be open.

And being OPEN doesn't entail being inauthentic, going through the motions of relationship in hopes that if you fake it you'll make it.

It's the season where I am seeing people get possessed by ghosts and expectations of their past. Just because there will be gift exchanges doesn't justify being reckless with anyone's hearts.

It's a time to celebrate new life, renewal... your life, your soul deemed worthy by heavenly love... not earthly love.

Please don't should on anyone... especially yourself. Happy Thanksgiving.

JNET

I'm The Pink Sheep of the Family

I'll be riding a lull until after the new year. My teaching schedule for the next month hopefully won't be too spotty. I finally have free time to get my car fixed. (I got a ding last spring and finally received a check from the insurance people a couple of weeks ago.) Where to begin to have a personal life? Car, laundry, going through the paper pile? Sleep, eat, nap?

Meanwhile, family obligations landing in the space of long-awaited free time is giving me a sense of pre-claustophobia.

I woke up today again to a troublesome neck. I drive down to San Diego tomorrow after completing my last lesson for the evening at 8pm. I can already hear the lecture that I should stop working so hard and date...

And conform to social ritual, go shopping, dress up for banal conversation in a stupid search that ends with me never writing again or playing the piano so that I may live to do someone's laundry, cooking and cleaning, checking homework, fevers, and humoring attentions 24/7.

Some girls want that and sometimes fight tooth and nail to dissolve their identities in someone else's needs. I'm not that girl.

I am a traitor to span courtship at a mind-boggling pace while my counterparts want to race to the chapel.

I don't think I'm jaded because I enjoy a family where everyone loves married life and is actually ENJOYING it. I am taking my time to other's dismay but not mine. It is both ridiculous and sometimes stressful.

Until cupid strikes me down, I will continue being the pink sheep of the family... enjoying being myself and being with myself.

JNET