Out of My Mind and Back Again

by ahsup.

What is this suffering that I am going through?

I read through last year's blog entries and gathered that I have lost my mind... in other words, I have relinquished my power and needed to reclaim it.

I've allowed people to take advantage my living space, my time... my head space. I've been off-track by allowing the dynamics of different personalities sway me. I wanted to be open-minded, tolerant and expand my experience but found the gains incongruent to who I am.

It was a learning experience. In not defining the boundaries, I got bulldozed over, in venturing outside of my world, I got lost in unfamiliar terrain.

I've continued writing for the sake of practice and have felt contempt toward the way my thoughts have been. Where does this come from? I wondered with disappointment at my weakness.

Plutarch came to mind today...

If you live with a cripple, you will learn to limp.

This is a quote that I KNOW but hadn't been thinking clearly to shake my malaise earlier. I had been swept up in overwhelming dramas that just had me in a hypnotic state.

Imagine having the television set on ALL THE TIME with the volume up high and all you watched was HYPE.

Now that the "image" no longer works on me, I'm free. I'm throwing out the "television set" and want to set my eyes again on my goals... I need to think about my dreams and stop listening to the wow monologues given by the sparklies that want to take me on as their audience.

I am excited about life again... to run the race that i am meant to run.

JNET

37 Cellos

Beautiful :)

Deconstructing JNET Part Two

by HD .

I retreated into my head and found it entertaining how I met with others who swore the sky was falling in their world. It was hard to escape. I wish I could disappear sometimes. I needed to take stock of my life and some serious questions in mind, as well as other things that happen to be MY LIFE... meanwhile, I was being demanded for my opinions on petty dramas.

I guess some people can't decide what color phone to buy and consider that a crisis. Since I'm a cold, heartless and non-sympathetic snob, I decided to close the lines of credit to these well-meaning acquaintances who had no clue of boundaries. I like to be involved with people's lives but to a certain point.

It's not my style. I prefer thinking on my own or writing. Others prefer talking to a couple of close friends and yet others need to tell 20 of their best friends.

Maybe some people don't realize how exhausting they are upon others. When you hear someone's voice continuously in your head blaring away and the adrenaline rush is over their stressful drama and you have to grab at scraps of space to have a thought to yourself, you know it's not a good situation. I have on particular person who's habitually interrupted me so much that I even hear her voice interrupting my thinking.

I'm going crazy... ugggh

I have some stuff to sort out in my own head...

And so I've pushed DELETE on certain numbers and took stock of who my real friends are. I had to accept that I'm being USED by some butter knife killers; friendly sorts who do funny things that make me feel bad about myself as an afterthought or who's opinion don't help me feel powerful about my world...

It's bad enough I have myself to contend with. Processing my stuff is enough.

These acqauintances or fair weather friends no longer have a space in Jnetsworld. If it is a misunderstanding, we'll sort it out... but if I'm reading things correctly, everything is really arbitrary and life will go on.

JNET