Maybe I needed chocolate, a glass of wine or a nap. My nerves of steel frayed this past week. I missed my old self. I told my massage therapist that I loved salsa, flamenco and tango dance and had planned going back to dance for the new year; get on a new groove. Chiro says no dancing for a bit. The Universe thought it best that I slow down.
I have nothing against slowing down. I wish I didn't have to hurt so much.
Wednesday morning started with an MRI, lying very very still inside a loud machine that whirled and howled with sound. Three scans at 15 minutes each. It was surreal. Imagine the muppets, Beaker and Animal in robot versions talking and playing didgeridoo for a 45 minute concert.
A part of me is still in disbelief...
I'm feeling hurt from something that happened in December????
My Wednesday appointments didn't allow for time to grab lunch so I began my teaching day on an empty stomach and a mind full of self-pity. I broke down in tears during my commute. It was the first time I cried since the accident. Me! Crying! My world is definitely upside down.
I didn't feel as terrible last week. What have I done differently this week? I'm brainstorming here how to hack my body. I wore high heels one day for a couple of hours. Was that it? I finally found a roommate. Perhaps, I did not have time to feel as much pain because the stress of interviewing people masked it?? What's different? The weather???
I didn't cancel my Friday night date. I hadn't mentioned being in a car accident. Too many more interesting things to talk about like bitcoin! We met for sushi and had a good time getting to know each other. He knew nothing of bitcoin and has never heard the word "blockchain" but he was sweet and kind.
He undestood pain can be annoying and that some people like to keep their complaining to a minimum so that they can soldier on with life.
My date was, after all, a stage combat instructor; a stunt guy. Stunt people are a special breed. I once met a guy who duct taped himself so he can continue filming. I have friends who light themselves on fire, drive monster cars, and roll down stairs while wearing high heels all in a day's work. These folks literally smile through the punches.
I called it a night before 10pm. I needed to soak in the tub, rest, duct tape myself.
I wore a corset the next day and found it gave my back support. Yay. Pain managed for a day; inspired by remembering a friend who duct taped himself. I played the piano for a couple of hours and restored a piece of my spirit.
I hope I enjoy another good day at the piano today. Time to duct tape (corset) myself.
JNET
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