Once upon a time….
I lived as if jelly beans and champagne coursed through my veins.
Before you trip over figurative language, let me ask you…
Do you remember a time when you laughed, smiled and danced a lot? Thought the world was exciting;, the days welcome to wake to, the evenings a time to stretch hours?
You sprang out of bed and you felt compelled to stay up finding ways to extend time?
I walked on rainbows. You too?
I walked as some chose to leave as time passed. Different times. At nine years old, nineteen. After a milestone, new love or new job. Yet some chose to never walk off the rainbow, determined to adventure til they turned ninety nine and beyond.
I read my second post,“a happy thanksgiving with myself” and realized that I’ve not left the path I was on but rather I’m holding on to it from a different angle.
It’s not comfy. Imagine having your harness secure (support system ie friends and family) but your dangling in midair on your zip line because you’ve lost momentum.
That’s me.
Maybe you can relate too.
It’s a bit scary and embarrassing to not feel a wind on one’s sails.
On a bad day it’s a dull pain of thought and on a better day an urgency to go, fight, win hitting like a splash cold water.
I have a sense to want to pull myself upright and forward. Many days, slower than I’d like. Being discouraged and tired has now annoyed and frustrated me ….multiple times.
Do you know what scares me the most?
The notion that I may forget how to be happy.
That is what compels me to write.
That…and being sick, tired and bored of how things are marching along. And like the beginnings of this blog, I am writing for myself. To help me make sense of anything that is good and right with my life, affirm my own existence and snap me out of my stuck on my zipline thinking.
And if it helps anyone who accidentally stumbles upon my world….. who relate to being midair. Reading quietly along so that they too may find their feet on the rainbow. Yay.
Jnet
No comments:
Post a Comment