It's been a dream of mine to travel into outer space and explore the stars and galaxies.... and perhaps meet intelligent life... out there. Mind you that alien may be three feet tall with wide almond shaped eyes and pale clammy looking skin.
Fortunately, we have an alien in our midst and the Men In Black have just okay'd his visa for the next millenium. Can we please give a big hand to Mr. Gordon Limtiaco, Mr. Out of This World Himself.
Don't tell me that you didn't notice that Gordon here was DIFFERENT. He's been begging for you to know within every speech he gives. They've all been confessionals.
Let's look at his family. They look normal. But hadn't you considered the strangeness of how many times they've moved? Â It's suspicious.
Go to the internet tonight, Cincinnati has been a hot spot of UFO sightings since the 1800's.
Moved to Shreveport, LA at age 5.
Why Gordon? You are just starting school.
Moved to Baton Rouge, LA at age 6.
What the heck, Gordon? You scared the kids in kindergarten?
Moved to Boise, Idaho at age 7.
How many families up and move each year? Â You make the Cullen vampire family look tame. Â I suspect that you ate raw meat or licked a classmate and freaked someone out.
Yes... Gordon eats raw meat. But, be assured he's not a killer though has a diverse appetite that would gross out a vulture. Â The man's favorite publication is Guideposts a religious magazine which he's been devouring for years and he is an atheist.
If your family was atheist, reading Guideposts would be grounds for kicking you out of the house. Â Gordon, you are an embarrassment to atheists around the world.
Stand close enough to Gordon and he may take a sniff at you and maybe take a lick and growl like a puppy. But he won't break the skin. Â Just stay still... sort of like playing dead.
Gordon is harmless though. Â HARMLESS. Â How can you be afraid of this man when he has a formidable movie collection of chick flicks would make a gay man blush?
Moved to Anchorage, AK at 11.
That is far. Your family is on the lamb? You safely stay there for a while. Your brother says that you went everywhere wearing two back packs. Two. One on front and the other on the back filled to full capacity. Â With what Gordon?
Moved to Los Angeles at 18.
This is a good place to be  strange. The actors provide a good smoke screen.
Gordon's first car was a black Cadi hearse... The Men in Black agents drive black Cadis. Gordon's always wanted to be a special agent. Â Look at him right now, he's wearing a black suit keeping the dream alive. Â Black is one of his favorite colors but he always get distracted that he disqualifies himself from being an agent due to a particular idiosyncrasy...
Gordon has a distracting fascination with numbers and it makes him measure everything. He can eyeball your height and weight. Anyone over 6 foot 3 gets a wow factor and he wants to take a picture like pulling Goofy in Disneyland for a photo op. This is not a quality to maintain intergalactic security.
Gordon's impeccable eye for measuring makes him a top notch funeral director. Where the saleperson at the dress boutique can look at you and know your size or the shoe person can look at your feet and bring out the right fit, Gordon looks at you and pictures you in the perfect casket.
Why couldn't you be a wedding planner? Our talks on diamonds and jewelry are about turning my carbon matter into a gem. It's true.. it can be done. Gordon's given me brochures.
Gordon likes to say that he'll appear normal as long as he doesn't open his mouth.  It took a while to get to know him.  He's a bit private but eventually he was sharing some of his chick flicks with me and I got to know a bit of his thoughts and found them disturbing.
Gordon is obsessed over doughnuts and sweets. Â Obsessed. Â You think eating raw ground meat is strange? Â Sundays, Gordon like to treat himself to a meal out in the town. Â Several meals. Â In one seating, he'll eat enough to feed a football team. Â Gosh, I wish I took pictures because I know it sounds unbelievable. Â And he keeps 20 pints of ice cream in his freezer. Â 20 pints! Â Gordon lives ALONE. Â And he prefers to eat it when it is melted into an ice cream soup.
I've known Gordon for several years now. This is the most normal I've ever known Gordon to be. Frankly, I'm surprised that I've known him this long what with his licking and sniffing habits. But he's been working on being normal and hasn't offended any of my friends in quite a while. Toastmasters has really helped him shine. He even has a girlfriend now. I cannot even imagine.... I am afraid to. She seduced him with a song reciting the Fibonacci series.
Gordon's given excellent speeches and you'll have to listen closer next time just don't stand too close. Being a toastmaster has given him new life; a normal one... one where he can enjoy ironically... being a bit more human.
JNET
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