Designer Guilt

Last week's show at blogtalkradio.com/jnetsworld people shared about pressing forward in life despite having breakdowns and taking on Life's lessons. Is the lack of a specific ingredient the cause of Inertia or Stagnancy in Life? Does Life get any easier EVER?

What moves mountains toward change? Curiousity, boredom, guilt, desire for more out of life ... are factors... But what is it exactly that projects ALL that?

The discussion lead to talking about Guilt, something that slows down progress... sometimes to a standstill.

What is Guilt? Does it come from an organization, a building, a special interest group? How did it get "fashionable" for some groups that there is now Jewish guilt, Catholic guilt, perfectionist's guilt, etc?

It's more than that Uh-Oh feeling. I'm talking about that lingering weight that hangs heavier than any gray cloud. I'm talking about that incessant voice that nags and belittles. It whispers. It screams.

How did that voice get in there? In our heads? Where did we find that voice?

Is it the voice of mom; spurning a statement of disappointment? Is it the voice of FATHER; an anvil of judgement? Is it the voice of the others that you've surpassed or survived; voices indignantly declaring that you SHOULDN'T have lived that accident or that you DIDN'T DESERVE that promotion?

Whatever GUILT is, some know its voice louder than others.

But is it fair to say it comes from mother, from father, from around us? Is it doing one any good this Jewish guilt, Catholic guilt, white guilt, survivor's guilt? There are SO MANY type of guilt that you can try on a new one every day and not go OUT OF STYLE.

But is it your fashion? How does guilt play in the designer's mind when you're working on making your life a work of art? Why paint depression or frustration into life?

If only you didn't go to church or have religious parents...
If only you didn't have such a sensitive consciousness to goodness...
If only you weren't so focused on wanting to do things perfectly and right....

WHY THEN it would be easy to not be racked with guilt.

Can life be any easier?

Perhaps...

Check out Designer Guilt on blogtalkradio.

JNET

Playing Private Eye

What initiates change?

That was the question I bounced with friends this week... also the topic for tomorrow's blogtalkradio show. In playing with several answers... "change is" inspired by pride, fear or hate of boredom, a need for variety, diversity, ... because it's the "right thing to do."

I wondered if these "reasons" were simply clues to a bigger WHY.

It isn't enough for me to look at these "encouragements" as big enough definitions of 'WHY', why change, why be flexible, why choose one's particular paths.

I next became distracted by theories of the why nots of my life. If I want change in parts of my life, why am I not creating it in other parts of my life?

I want to practice the piano more than I am. My technique is going to the wasteside. Why am I not going to bikram class when I adore it? Why am I not going to dance rehearsal this season? Why don't I concern myself with dating like everyone else? I detoured onto a tiny guilt trip that lasted for a mini minute.

Guilt trips are like merry go rounds. They are not fun once they start moving at a disconcerting speed and they are a bit dim about stopping on their own. I'm the person responsible for taking myself off the guilt trip and choose an action... Waiting to be saved is not an option. I read somewhere that if you want to change your dance, first you must change the music...

So can it be that whatever is missing and is creating the kNOTs in Life be also what is needed to make the WHY YES paths clear? This is the conversation that will be taken up at Blogtalkradio on Saturday morning.

JNET

I Love Miniature Books

I visited the "4000 Years of Tiny Treasures" exhibit on miniature books at the Boston Public Library. If you haven't seen the enchanting collection, you have until September 2nd to catch a glimpse of these precious gems.

I rarely leave home without a book... I had no idea that it is possible to fit a modest library in a coin purse. The Koran, the Good Book, the complete works of Shakespeare, and an illustrated miniature book by Picasso (he made only two) sat under the glass like jewels on display. Many were gilded in gold, bound in leather and colorful with intricate art design.

It felt like I was given a peek into a fairy queen's private collection. They held a magical quality and I wanted to touch them, give them a read through and let the spell of a tiny book take me to its little world. Anne C. Bromer, the "fairy queen" of the collection shared a beautiful and rare collection.

It was my last day in Boston before returning to Los Angeles that I saw the "Tiny Treasures" exhibit and I still think of those books. They are indeed enchanting.

The exhibit continues through September 2. Go before the fairies take it back to their world!

Floating

I have been swimming laps in my head. It's been the battle of the wits for the past couple of months, that I hadn't written of the details that kept me sane and balanced. A couple of friend betrayals/surprises, homefront worries, car troubles, income woes and a 4.5 (mild) earthquake has made life interesting and indulgent.

And if the world-at-large was not demanding at the moment - then I made busy with my free time to analyze the situations and design a plan to handle things and improve on this game of life.

"I need to laugh less... a lot less."

Am I being hypercritical of myself? I listen and study my blogtalk radio shows... dissecting my presentation, planning my next show with less laughter. My nervous habits distract me. And I realize my listening of my guests will improve when I get a handle on my jitters.

"I need to exercise more, eat better, moisturize more."

S0mehow, between the laps of splashing in my concerns, I manage many moments to float and enjoy a meal with a friend, read more pages in a book, take care of a garden, visit an exhibit, enjoy traveling to visit friends and family... many things that ought to be noted in my blog ... those things that kept me afloat.

JNET

Dizzying Freedom

"Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom."

Soren Kierkegaard

Hmmm... a positive way to view anxiety.

It's way better than experiencing anxiety as a weighty burden to be saved from. I've had much on my plate lately and Anxiety has been riding shotgun on my rollercoaster. Among the many pieces of advice to "save myself from struggle" the worst one is that I ought to get married. Good God! How can anyone weigh in that Love is a factor when the motivation of Convenience breathes heavily on someone's head?

Fortunately my love supply from friends and family is abundant that I can't even begin looking at a guy in a savior light.

This past month, this past week has been FULL of DRAMA.

Yesterday, I spent the morning in court to give my two cents at a public hearing. Developers have been hungrily staring at my building and think it's perfect for tearing down and selling 900K condos. I did my civic duty. It was nice to be addressed at "Miss JNET, constituent".

The prior week, I learned of the hearing. What? My building is up for demolition?

I so NOT have the time for this.... It's enough just to worry about daily life... to have to worry about where to live and how... yadda yadda... puts my mind into outer space. But a tractor beam of sense came about and I found myself on the phone, knocking on doors and making new contacts.

I thought I had enough to think about. Life is running at a dizzying and sometimes nauseating speed. And yet, I can't say that Life is having a personal go at me. I have to forgive Life and find a way to say thank you. I'm up late writing to neighbors and council people. I'm up writing for my blog, my book, my radio show. I'm enjoying the students I have and I'm taking the extra time off in stride before my schedule goes crazy again.

Anxiety is not hopelessness to me... it is to experience the dizzyness of freedom.

Life does get better... Doesn't it? Such is the topic for tomorrow morning's blogradio show of Jnetsworld. Call in if you're free :)

JNET