The fireworks fanfare faded fast.
By dawn everything I thought was ... came to a screeching halt. My host and friend of many years had a moment of weakness in the twilight hours and made a passive assault. Alcohol was not the "cause", I gave no social cues to permit his behavior and I banked on years of friendship as well as a wealth of common friends to create what I thought was a trust.
No I did not kung fu beat his booty into a far horizon. How to speak volumes to a passive aggressor who makes attacks on sleeping beauties? I'm stunned. I'm creeped out. My enthusiasm has blown out like a candle and a part of me sits in silence....
I packed up my things and left, leaving a household of other friends...and chose not to expose my "host's" weakness. I am too shocked to pursue the conversation. If he wasn't a friend, calling the police would've been an option I wouldn't think twice to do. Years of loyalty thrown away to indulge a weak moment.
The offers for safer havens were numerous. I am a lucky girl. I don't think my host knew that I had several plan B's that would rise for the occassion. Perhaps I was an easy target in trusting the friendship... What type of person would bring such ruin?
Someone already in ruin. Shall I yell at him? Shall I bring the police? Shall I allow my friends a "few words" to set the man straight?
And I am sad. Sad to be betrayed by someone I thought was a dear friend. Disturbed that a friend would disrespect me and exercise a sense of power to diminish me and treat me like a soulless bag of flesh. Sad to be reduced to an object.
Despite all things, I poised myself for a strong return.... after spending a whole day listless and shocked. Detached... I don't know how I really feel.
I will not be a squashed flower... instead, I will rise gracefully and beautifully.
JNET
sent you a message
ReplyDeletehope you are ok....
and happy....
but most of all...
safe
Jeannette,
ReplyDeleteI just read your latest blog entry.
I’ve been wrapped up in my own affairs for the past couple of weeks: finishing up with an old job, getting new activities underway, old friends visiting from out of town… hadn’t visited Jnetsworld for a while so it was quite a shock to read what I just read.
While I know no real details of the situation – and have no need to – I just wanted to let you know my thoughts are with you, and I hope you can find solace you’re your other friends; “plan B’s” as you put it.
Having a “moment of weakness” is no excuse for making an uninvited advance on another human being – especially one who is asleep. That’s invasive, disrespectful and downright creepy. I hope that your friend will be able to look deep within, take full responsibility for his actions, and work through whatever caused them.
Having said that, I do not mean to pass judgement; that’s not my right, nor is it anyone else’s. It’s merely my reaction based on your description of events… which was exquisitely written, as always. I will offer support and light to you, forgiveness to your friend, and love to all. Although we have never met in person I’m here for you as a true friend in soul and spirit.
Robin
Hello Robin,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your hello and well wishes. I am doing much better today and have found comfort with a family friend from California that lives in Cambridge. The support of friends has been very helpful and has smooth the edge of feeling betrayed and alone. And your email further encourages me. I have chosen to remain for the last half of my vacation and have made my peace with what happened. I am glad that I know men who are good people. This experience will not jade me as I am surrounded by a lot of love.
It's funny how a fragment of time can be so colored a certain way... I won't let the dark fragments color my life. Thank you for your friendship and support.