POEM: No Race To Name

An island of a smile
A face from Spain
Eyes from the Orient
No race to name

I breathe in the east
And wake in the west
No roots on the earth
I live out a quest

Cultures crashing on a beach
Unsure my being unshored
Acceptance by artists
Most others ignored

Sometimes confusion inspires a game
To see who'll guess right
Here I am, a few shades too dark
Standing alone a few shades too light

An island of a smile
A face from Spain
Eyes from the Orient
No race to name

Copyright ©2005 J. R. Hollyday

This is a reprise of a poem I wrote in February.

I had a great weekend... high intensity with a mix of fleeting moments of self-pity and frustration.

I left Friday night for San Diego and arrived at 1am and stayed up til 3am with my mom. An opportunity had came up for us to share our health business at a Filipino cultural festival. It was to be a first annual neighborhood kick-off to celebrate Filipino Hertiage Month and we had all of 5 days to prepare. I didn't have a crazy supply of brochures, I mainly share with close friends and families so we came up with creative solutions.

My sister-in-law borrowed a canopy from a friend, a couple of tables were borrowed. My brothers came to set up and break down our set-up... I didn't have a business "banner" so I made some artsy letters in cardboard which my sister-in-law arranged across our tent... THELIVINGWELL.NET

We had a artsy tent with red pretty material draping the sides and keeping the sun out. Information CD's arranged nicely across the front with a few stories and testimonials in plastic as well as various brochures on the benefits of mangosteen juice and we attracted the nicest people to our little corner of the festival... with a great view of all the entertainment... cultural dances, a fashion show, music and martial arts.. lots of wonderful talent..

So we met a lot of artsy people who are into alternative health possibilities and I had some very interesting conversations. I love it when I demonstrate what the word "try" does to people. It surprises everyone. I teach it to my students to help them get rid of the word. And I teach it to everyone else when I am looking for specific persons to invite into my business. I learn a lot about a person with that exercise... and they learn a lot about myself as well.

So in general, it was a wonderful day... the unwonderful parts were when a few persons came up to ask me if I was Filipino... I'm the oddest looking person, I suppose, so I was glad to have my mom there to set them straight and give me culture cred. I get questioned EVERY SINGLE TIME I go to an event where there are Filipinos who don't know me.

I'm a mix... but I got so "mixed" up that no one seems to pin what I am. It's obvious that I look different.. I guess I wish people asked in a way that wouldn't send me back to my isolated days of junior and senior high school where I felt like I would have had more acceptance if I hadn't looked so "questionable" or "different." I didn't make it into the asian cliques.. I became an artist.. and most of my closest friend are from all over the world, Russia, Turkey, Japan, Switzerland, India, England or they are mixed as well..

I feel like a party crasher when someone asks me if I'm Filipino. I still have those moments when I go to dance rehearsal. And I felt even more obviously different when we had our photo shoot today. It was great being in makeup and costume but I looked less island than everyone and wondered if my Spanish features were just too angular. I had a poignant moment of sadness... silly as I know it is.

I guess I sometimes wish I had a more aloha look.

JNET