Quick Listener

I've found myself needing to play defense several times this week that I welcomed beginning a weekend of not speaking to anyone. Court is adjourned!

Three well meaning friends had their own personal visions on how I may have my happiness look a particular way. Their criticisms came from that same good place that inspires moms to nag at their children for their own good.

Yes, yes yes...I feel the love and I am getting annoyed.

My mom doesn't draw out grueling upset conversation though. She has always been quick to listen so that I may put my case forward in a strong rational voice.

Do you know what it feels like to have someone be quick in listening to you? It gives you a sense of moving together toward understanding and being understood. It gives you the space to say what makes you happy even though the other person may have other suggestions.

And it gives you a platform to make a stand for yourself before getting emotionally wound up.... arrrgghh headache headache

My friends are used to a different tempo of communicating perhaps. We got out of sync that I had to go over the same measure of conversation over and over til I was on the verge of tears. Then and only then in a space of emotional restraint was I listened to and finally understood.

If I don't have exhausting emotional conversation like this with my family, why must I be pressed to the verge of tears by a friend? Why can't they trust my choices as freely?

It's because they still don't know me like my family does and therefore they need explanations. They don't quite understand my happiness all the time. They project their own ways, boy ways, not jnet ways upon me.

That frustration creates separation a temporary but annoying one.

But I do love them; my friends. I know they are coming from a loving and protective spirit. And I know they hold me in good regard even while we are out of sync and misunderstanding gets a dance in.

What feels like home to me? That place where listening is quick and feels like love. I know what that feels like and its really nice.

Are you a quick listener?

JNET

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Mindshare LA

mindshare la

I joined 400+ mindshare rocksharians at Exchange LA, the club-ified former Los Angeles Stock Exchange Building last night.

It was my first time. After several months of having scheduling conflicts to attend this once a month event that shatters the typical stereotype of LA cool and bumps it up a quantum notch. Very hip, eclectic and mindstretching as you mindshare over cocktails and sweet goodies.

If you are wondering if you ought to go, I say yes yes yes. You will be happy. You'll leave knowing that the world is a better place than you thought.

Register. I didn't and paid at the door which is absolutely fine but believe me, it will make your hellos even easier.

B: "Gee, isn't the event a bit pricey?" a friend asked me last night wanting to know the skinny on Mindshare LA.

JNET: "Not at all. It's a great party smart scene. I thought I have to move back east to party like last night."

The party gathered into the exchange hall and everyone took a seat (cocktail or beer in hand) to listen to several speakers mindshare their ongoing projects. Imagine going to a very very cool lecture hall with a happy buzz.

The "geek" scene included a neuroeconomist who gave a talk on the bonding cuddle chemical, oxytocin, that grabbed everyone's fascination. It's power over how we socialize and how it is manipulated by con people sparked up lively conversation. The questions would've kept flowing but he had to share the stage with other speakers.

Several filmmakers also shared the stage. If you are into independent films and film festivals like myself then you will enjoy hearing what's UP with these folks.

Mindshare... cocktails, conversation, filmmakers, scientists, comic book artist... what else can an Angeleno be hungry for? Social consciousness and ideas that are changing society.... A woman shared her program of sharing and renting your things out. I had no idea that people had SO MUCH STUFF and that the storage industry is making bank. If you've heard of zipcar and couchsurfing, you'll like knowing of what she's doing in Los Angeles with NeighborhoodGoods.Net.

After the talks, the dance floor was cleared of its chairs and the party carried on. I went downstairs to check out the art installations and had fun playing some interactive games. I made some new acquaintances, several who were regulars and many new like myself. Later I went upstairs again and made more hellos. I was able to introduce myself to the neuroeconomist and ask him a couple of questions on oxytocin and get a hug to raise my levels.

I'll be returning. Fascinated to hear further talks from the smart, sexy and successful of Los Angeles who have a social sensibility to create a fun event that is "enlightened debauchery."

Nice to find a beautiful people scene that is refreshing and absolutely hip. Go on, expand your horizons and get on with your sexy geek self and get yourself to Mindshare LA.

JNET

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SPEECH: People Person

speech: people person

I have a confession I am going to share with you.

But first, I would like a show of hands. Who considers themselves a people person?

You have a demeanor that puts people at ease and gets them engaged. You like people and they like you back. Some of you may even light up the room when you enter and people are happy just because you are there.

I think it is fair to say that we all want to be likable. It's helpful.... to be gainfully employed, feel part of the neighborhood.... and prevent getting ourselves killed.

Even though some may do it all wrong.

And some of you may actually get a charge interacting with people.. even the ones who are offensive.

As for the ones who do things just right. Wow! They speak so well, they dress so sharp, they look minty fresh up close and from a distance. And some make their way to the big stage, with lights, cameras, and an awesome audience like you times wow.... multiplied by wow cubed!

Imagine. All those people. What a rush. Loving you...

listening to you so intently...

wondering what shampoo you use.

Imagine....

All....

those...

people.....

Contestmaster, Fellow Toastmasters, and Distinguished Guests.

Here's my confession.

I am not a people person.

Not in the sense that many of you kind people are. I do get a rush of energy. A rush of energy leaving my body. I wish I was built differently but for every hour that I play out in being with people, I need an hour to myself to recover. .. preferably in silence.

I rarely speak to people before noon. You know that scene where there's a person trying to make some sense of a baby and a toddler comes along to translate for the baby? I'm that baby. I let my friends talk for me.

No... no... no... I don't believe it.

Yes.. yes.. yes... Believe it.

But you perform, JNET. You dance. You host a podcast. You do speeches at Toastmasters.

As long as I have a structure to follow, a script, choreography, I manage... I dare myself with sink or swim situations. But this isn't as easy for me as it might be for another person. I am prone to fainting if I feel anxious. Heck, I fainted at home alone just thinking of this speech competition.

Performing is my "practice" to develop and enjoy some sort of poise despite sensing that my battery pack is depleting itself in processing so much. Standing here is like skydiving to face a fear of heights. But I am not afraid of people, I am just acutely aware that this experience is physically demanding for me... and this is where I learn to pack my parachute.

I'm an introvert stuck in an extavert's body.

If you ask me for my number, I will tell you straight off ... don't call.... even if you are a cutie pie and you know I'm crushing on you. Text me. Facebook me.

I have a preference to be alone. A lot. I am a process and reflect sort of girl. My family and friends are used to it. They check my status updates to make sure I'm okay and to keep up with what I'm up to. ­My mom learned that I was in Palm Springs for the Toastmaster convention only after she checked my Facebook.

When I spend time with those I love...

It's like when I am alone.

It's really nice. Lots of laughter but lots of space to be quiet.

Space to be quiet doesn't work at parties though that hasn't stopped me from retreating to a corner with a book. I fall by the side when conversations buzz around gossip, pop culture, sports. That is a lot of information to stay on top of. Â Even if I had an arsenal of jokes to share. Â I would still choose to be quiet.

I love people as all of us here do. Yet, being with people for some is like a shot of caffeine into their system. For me, its the opposite and if I'm in needy company it feels like a vampire is on my jugular. That's a lot for me to recover from. I may have to disappear for a few days or take a really long shower to feel like myself again.

I once had a roommate that could not help but talk talk talk about everything that excited her or made her sad. I was up to three showers at one point. It got so bad that my thoughts started taking on her voice. I had to ask her to leave.... I couldn't recenter myself.

Silence is Golden and I mine for it every day so that I can be the person you see and not pass out. Toastmasters puts high value on communicating and connecting, and now that you know my secret, that I am an introvert in an extrovert's body, I am going to dare and go out on a limb and make a stand for my fellow people-loving introverts who value communication, connecting and silence.

(silence)

Just a few minutes to go.

Just kidding.

Thanks for allowing me that.. I think that tiny bit of silence gave me an extra bar of juice.

Contestmaster

JNET

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