Loving Like An Athelete

loving like an athelete


I am riding the train back to Los Angeles right now. I arrive at midnight and have a slight idea of my arrangements in getting home from Union Station. With all my family in San Diego and only myself in LA, my life is made smoother by the kindness of good friends that respond to text messages and FB status updates.

Maybe it's living on the edge to you - to travel and not know what will happen at the midnight hour. I like to call it traveling on love and faith.

I am still on an adrenaline ride over an intense and full family weekend. There is much anticipation over babies being born within the next several weeks. There are tensions over first days of school and grandparents shuffling schedules to manage caretaking while parents juggle work schedules¦.

And this is only the pre-game.

Creating hoped for smooth transitions require many conversations that will go through tensions, confusions, clarifications, and encouragements challenging the family dynamic in being committed to one another. There is a trading of liaison roles and sometimes a goal feels like a relay race as we pass the batons. every finish line is in the name of "team family." The challenge is to love like an athelete.

Discomfort therefore is looked upon as something to press pass. Think of it as standing at the diving board aware that waiting will not make the water any warmer. At some point, you will have to work the nerve to get in the water.

Not everyone is equally skilled in communication and that is forgivable. Everyone at some point was clumsy nor had built enough patience muscle to have the strength to understand nor the reflex to act gracefully.

Not everyone is good. We have three year olds we must admonish to treat each other kinder. Saying sorry is painful through filters of stubborness. Sometimes a grown up needs a refresher talk.

Great plays, great landings, and races will be won, many will not be praised enough because life moves quickly meeting new challenges. Admiration and being appreciated will be one of those things to enjoy and accept without needing egos stroked. The thrill of experiencing new levels in the "family game" is enough.

What thrill can there possibly be in "family"? I'll tell you straight up that you've been sitting on the bench and not felt that thrill that trumps beating records, besting at a board or video game, or mastering a really fun technical piece on a musical instrument if you haven't overcome making a mistake turn into a lesson, creating a reconciliation that is creative and moving that it grows you and inspires others, or figuring out how to diffuse a bomb of conflict by cutting the correct wire in the nick of time to save the day.

Are you game?

JNET

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Quick Listener

I've found myself needing to play defense several times this week that I welcomed beginning a weekend of not speaking to anyone. Court is adjourned!

Three well meaning friends had their own personal visions on how I may have my happiness look a particular way. Their criticisms came from that same good place that inspires moms to nag at their children for their own good.

Yes, yes yes...I feel the love and I am getting annoyed.

My mom doesn't draw out grueling upset conversation though. She has always been quick to listen so that I may put my case forward in a strong rational voice.

Do you know what it feels like to have someone be quick in listening to you? It gives you a sense of moving together toward understanding and being understood. It gives you the space to say what makes you happy even though the other person may have other suggestions.

And it gives you a platform to make a stand for yourself before getting emotionally wound up.... arrrgghh headache headache

My friends are used to a different tempo of communicating perhaps. We got out of sync that I had to go over the same measure of conversation over and over til I was on the verge of tears. Then and only then in a space of emotional restraint was I listened to and finally understood.

If I don't have exhausting emotional conversation like this with my family, why must I be pressed to the verge of tears by a friend? Why can't they trust my choices as freely?

It's because they still don't know me like my family does and therefore they need explanations. They don't quite understand my happiness all the time. They project their own ways, boy ways, not jnet ways upon me.

That frustration creates separation a temporary but annoying one.

But I do love them; my friends. I know they are coming from a loving and protective spirit. And I know they hold me in good regard even while we are out of sync and misunderstanding gets a dance in.

What feels like home to me? That place where listening is quick and feels like love. I know what that feels like and its really nice.

Are you a quick listener?

JNET

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Mindshare LA

mindshare la

I joined 400+ mindshare rocksharians at Exchange LA, the club-ified former Los Angeles Stock Exchange Building last night.

It was my first time. After several months of having scheduling conflicts to attend this once a month event that shatters the typical stereotype of LA cool and bumps it up a quantum notch. Very hip, eclectic and mindstretching as you mindshare over cocktails and sweet goodies.

If you are wondering if you ought to go, I say yes yes yes. You will be happy. You'll leave knowing that the world is a better place than you thought.

Register. I didn't and paid at the door which is absolutely fine but believe me, it will make your hellos even easier.

B: "Gee, isn't the event a bit pricey?" a friend asked me last night wanting to know the skinny on Mindshare LA.

JNET: "Not at all. It's a great party smart scene. I thought I have to move back east to party like last night."

The party gathered into the exchange hall and everyone took a seat (cocktail or beer in hand) to listen to several speakers mindshare their ongoing projects. Imagine going to a very very cool lecture hall with a happy buzz.

The "geek" scene included a neuroeconomist who gave a talk on the bonding cuddle chemical, oxytocin, that grabbed everyone's fascination. It's power over how we socialize and how it is manipulated by con people sparked up lively conversation. The questions would've kept flowing but he had to share the stage with other speakers.

Several filmmakers also shared the stage. If you are into independent films and film festivals like myself then you will enjoy hearing what's UP with these folks.

Mindshare... cocktails, conversation, filmmakers, scientists, comic book artist... what else can an Angeleno be hungry for? Social consciousness and ideas that are changing society.... A woman shared her program of sharing and renting your things out. I had no idea that people had SO MUCH STUFF and that the storage industry is making bank. If you've heard of zipcar and couchsurfing, you'll like knowing of what she's doing in Los Angeles with NeighborhoodGoods.Net.

After the talks, the dance floor was cleared of its chairs and the party carried on. I went downstairs to check out the art installations and had fun playing some interactive games. I made some new acquaintances, several who were regulars and many new like myself. Later I went upstairs again and made more hellos. I was able to introduce myself to the neuroeconomist and ask him a couple of questions on oxytocin and get a hug to raise my levels.

I'll be returning. Fascinated to hear further talks from the smart, sexy and successful of Los Angeles who have a social sensibility to create a fun event that is "enlightened debauchery."

Nice to find a beautiful people scene that is refreshing and absolutely hip. Go on, expand your horizons and get on with your sexy geek self and get yourself to Mindshare LA.

JNET

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SPEECH: People Person

speech: people person

I have a confession I am going to share with you.

But first, I would like a show of hands. Who considers themselves a people person?

You have a demeanor that puts people at ease and gets them engaged. You like people and they like you back. Some of you may even light up the room when you enter and people are happy just because you are there.

I think it is fair to say that we all want to be likable. It's helpful.... to be gainfully employed, feel part of the neighborhood.... and prevent getting ourselves killed.

Even though some may do it all wrong.

And some of you may actually get a charge interacting with people.. even the ones who are offensive.

As for the ones who do things just right. Wow! They speak so well, they dress so sharp, they look minty fresh up close and from a distance. And some make their way to the big stage, with lights, cameras, and an awesome audience like you times wow.... multiplied by wow cubed!

Imagine. All those people. What a rush. Loving you...

listening to you so intently...

wondering what shampoo you use.

Imagine....

All....

those...

people.....

Contestmaster, Fellow Toastmasters, and Distinguished Guests.

Here's my confession.

I am not a people person.

Not in the sense that many of you kind people are. I do get a rush of energy. A rush of energy leaving my body. I wish I was built differently but for every hour that I play out in being with people, I need an hour to myself to recover. .. preferably in silence.

I rarely speak to people before noon. You know that scene where there's a person trying to make some sense of a baby and a toddler comes along to translate for the baby? I'm that baby. I let my friends talk for me.

No... no... no... I don't believe it.

Yes.. yes.. yes... Believe it.

But you perform, JNET. You dance. You host a podcast. You do speeches at Toastmasters.

As long as I have a structure to follow, a script, choreography, I manage... I dare myself with sink or swim situations. But this isn't as easy for me as it might be for another person. I am prone to fainting if I feel anxious. Heck, I fainted at home alone just thinking of this speech competition.

Performing is my "practice" to develop and enjoy some sort of poise despite sensing that my battery pack is depleting itself in processing so much. Standing here is like skydiving to face a fear of heights. But I am not afraid of people, I am just acutely aware that this experience is physically demanding for me... and this is where I learn to pack my parachute.

I'm an introvert stuck in an extavert's body.

If you ask me for my number, I will tell you straight off ... don't call.... even if you are a cutie pie and you know I'm crushing on you. Text me. Facebook me.

I have a preference to be alone. A lot. I am a process and reflect sort of girl. My family and friends are used to it. They check my status updates to make sure I'm okay and to keep up with what I'm up to. ­My mom learned that I was in Palm Springs for the Toastmaster convention only after she checked my Facebook.

When I spend time with those I love...

It's like when I am alone.

It's really nice. Lots of laughter but lots of space to be quiet.

Space to be quiet doesn't work at parties though that hasn't stopped me from retreating to a corner with a book. I fall by the side when conversations buzz around gossip, pop culture, sports. That is a lot of information to stay on top of. Â Even if I had an arsenal of jokes to share. Â I would still choose to be quiet.

I love people as all of us here do. Yet, being with people for some is like a shot of caffeine into their system. For me, its the opposite and if I'm in needy company it feels like a vampire is on my jugular. That's a lot for me to recover from. I may have to disappear for a few days or take a really long shower to feel like myself again.

I once had a roommate that could not help but talk talk talk about everything that excited her or made her sad. I was up to three showers at one point. It got so bad that my thoughts started taking on her voice. I had to ask her to leave.... I couldn't recenter myself.

Silence is Golden and I mine for it every day so that I can be the person you see and not pass out. Toastmasters puts high value on communicating and connecting, and now that you know my secret, that I am an introvert in an extrovert's body, I am going to dare and go out on a limb and make a stand for my fellow people-loving introverts who value communication, connecting and silence.

(silence)

Just a few minutes to go.

Just kidding.

Thanks for allowing me that.. I think that tiny bit of silence gave me an extra bar of juice.

Contestmaster

JNET

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Toastmaster Convention 2010 @ Palm Desert

toastmaster convention 2010 @ palm desert



Just kidding.... There were no toasters, no bread and no toasting. But it definitely was roasting HOT out in the desert. It was 111 degrees this past Friday when BT and I set off on a two hour trek to Palm Springs to fit in a game of golf before attending the world championship of public speakers.

There's a competition for speaking? Yes. But it is not only speaking. It's also writing the speech, memorizing it, delivering it and moving your audience to tears and laughter through a rigorous rising above 35,000+ fellow competitors til you are one of the 10 finalists.

I have just attended my first TM Convention. Wow... cubed.

Imagine.... taking the stage on this final competition with a message that you hope wins you the number one spot. It is a huge stage... bright lights. And it is just you... JUST YOU... and you and you on two big projection screens on either side... and a panel of judges.... and a two thousand plus people listening to you.

All I can think of now is... How do I get myself there? And speak so powerfully as the winner, David Henderson did, making the audience laugh and finally break down to tears by the end.

For now I'm inspired as my brain whirs about in a flurry of thought. I'll be competing within my own club this week. Happy and fired up after a searing weekend out in the desert.

JNET

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I'm Okay, You're Okay..... In Small Doses

i'm okay, you're okay.. in small doses


I read a joke on the internet the other day.

QUESTION: How many introverts does it take to have a meeting?

ANSWER: It only takes two but they both will need computers and an internet connection.

Cute. The gag somewhat eludes me. I want to chuckle but I'm at the edge of understanding the joke. And I don't want to bust a brain cell trying to figure out why this is so hilarious. I think an extravert wrote the joke.

I tried to find a joke about extraverts and came up empty. Darn. Guess I'll have to make one up to put some balance in the mix.

QUESTION: How many extraverts does it take to have a meeting?

ANSWER: What meeting? We never stayed on topic. We're going to have to reorganize and maybe structure a workshop to make it through the agenda.

Huh?.... says the extravert....

Don't tell me you've never witnessed an extravert doing what they do best.

"Wow... Does she ever come up for air?.... What an exhausting person."

Extraverts would like to think that introverts are anti-social, shy or are socially challenged. I've met a few that would congratulate themselves for crashing jnetsworld and saving me from a life that would be un-interesting without them. They are the ones that ask me when I am going to write about them.

Ummm. This is jnetsworld. I'll have to get back to you later on that one.

And those are the "confident" ones. Mind you the definition of an extravert is someone who derives their energy from others. There are those "gregarious" "people-person" types who have a more than healthy appetite for attention and then there are the voracious ones that are not as happy-go-lucky and need to be placated lest they display a show of fireworks and drama to insure their stage time.

Gotta love those crazy brazen folks though....always ready with an arsenal of jokes, skills to thrill and a pocket speech that they repeat ad nauseum. They are in their element in making sure no one leaves without knowing their name.

Extraverts... can be lovely... and less than lovely.

I once had a roommate who talked so much that my thoughts started to take on her voice. I had to ask her to leave. She could never be quiet. And I couldn't get anything done.

Introverts get their energy from having time to be quiet with themselves. I love people AND I need space to get my energy and focus up so that I can perform well in the social setting. I can happily work a 15 hour photo shoot and be amicable and meet with my students and create a fun and engaging piano lesson the next day... as long as I'm given my quiet time to recharge.

I think its fun if I don't speak to a single soul for a couple of days. Am I shy? No. Am I friendless and have nowhere to go? No. Would I welcome a random hello, a spontaneous plan? Absolutely... and only from certain people. Would I be hurt if a friend did not see me in a couple of weeks or even years? Not at all. I figure they have been up to something and will catch up with me eventually. All is right with the world. I don't depend on others for my happiness... and I prefer to steer clear of those who are demanding in order to be happy.

I think its quite centering to be introverted. I'm okay. You're okay..... in small doses. I will see you.... when I see you. You go on and enjoy doing your thing... Going to disappear now.

I get my energy during my quiet time.

Where do you get yours?

JNET

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No Bitter Ink

no bitter ink



I've been surfing the random blog button.What can I say? I don't have cable. I don't even own a television. I suppose I can catch the reruns somewhere in the internet. But I like my life and I don't mind reading it again.

Good thing I haven't written anything I regret. I don't like collecting bad memories. If there is a dry writing spell in jnetsworld, it is on account of my taking stock of what is going on. I figure if I just keep quiet and not get reactive, sad or mean-spirited, Life will lend a creative way to frame it.It's an effort to sit in that silence to generate something like hope and forgiveness... especially when there is a barrage of negative energy.

XYZ: "I just got a text. Ahhh man, it's bad."

JNET: "Lemme see.... wow. Yeah, that's pretty crazy. Wait a minute. You're not answering that text... are you?"

XYZ: "Why not?"

JNET: "Because it's bait... it's words coming from a hurt and angry place. Don't feed it. If you write something, you have to write something good to diffuse it. It has to be worth remembering a hundred times."

XYZ: "Why? What do you mean?"

JNET: "Because that person cares about you and you really care about them despite this moment. If they are having a weak moment, don't throw it back at them. End it now, for both of you. Write nothing or write something good. That person will hold on to every word you write. That's life. That's love."

As I surf that random blog button, I am reminded that it is a good thing that I didn't journal with bitter ink. Maybe how I write is a way that I love my self and my life.

How's your ink?

JNET

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Distilling JNET

distilling jnet

DISTILL: 1. to subject to a process of vaporization and subsequent condensation…. 2. to extract the volatile components of by distillation; transform by distillation.

I write… to make myself disappear. I play the piano to vaporise myself. I dance to disappear… I do many things to distill myself.

To put my mind on things that take away the weight of self-consciousness. To take myself to a place where the weight of second-guessing and judgement is put aside and I am unhindered by noise within myself and from my immediate surroundings.

It’s a daily meditation to play a piece or recite a poem, creating it, playing it for the hundredth time and giving it a renewed voice and soul.

To make life sound out like a favorite poem. And the only thing that matters is that that word, that note, that sequence of sound was an expression from a place of being true and feeling free.

To distill myself by pressing to make life as beautiful and honest as I possibly can, picking myself up whenever I trip over a measure of time. I resolve to create art instead of indulging disappointment. The next moment a note has a chance to redeem its self.

How would your life sound if you played it out loud?

JNET

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